You work in an office and have recently been experiencing a health problem. You think that the problem started because of the working conditions in the office. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: - Describe the health problem - Explain why you think it was caused by conditions in the office - Suggest what the manager should do to improve the working conditions in the office
Sample Response
Dear Mr Smith,
As the head of the planning committee of this Company, I’m writing to inform you that our annual conference is set to come off on the 23/12/2021 at the main hall of the ground floor.
All necessary preparations are underway to ensure that the annual conference is a success.
As part of the preparation for the conference, I kindly request of you that, as the head of the finance department, prepare and present the financial statement of the company for the previous year and the proposed budget for the first quarter of the year 2022.
Moreover, I’ve sent memos to every department to notify them ahead of time. All projectors needed for the conference has been secured, as well as the cafeteria has been announced to prepare enough lunch and snacks for all participants.
Kindly contact me if you need any clarifications.
Yours Sincerely,
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural ownership Original: the planning committee of this Company Suggested revision: this company's planning committee Why it matters: The possessive form is more natural, and “company” does not need a capital letter here.
- 2. Use formal wording Original: set to come off Suggested revision: scheduled to take place Why it matters: “Take place” clearly and formally describes a planned conference.
- 3. Fix the prepositions Original: at the main hall of the ground floor Suggested revision: in the main hall on the ground floor Why it matters: A conference occurs “in” a hall located “on” a floor.
- 4. Fix request structure Original: request of you that Suggested revision: request that you Why it matters: This clause requires “request that you” before the base-form verb “prepare.”
- 5. State the reference Original: notify them ahead of time Suggested revision: notify them of the conference in advance Why it matters: Naming what the departments were told removes an unclear reference.
- 6. Match plural subject Original: has Suggested revision: have Why it matters: The plural subject “projectors” requires “have.”
- 7. Repair coordination Original: as well as the cafeteria has been announced Suggested revision: and the cafeteria staff have been asked Why it matters: This creates a grammatical coordinated clause and identifies the people receiving the request.
- 8. Write the date clearly Original: on the 23/12/2021 Suggested revision: on 23 December 2021 Why it matters: Writing out the month avoids ambiguity and suits a formal letter.
- 9. Use plural preparations Original: preparation Suggested revision: preparations Why it matters: The plural form naturally refers to the multiple arrangements being made.
- 10. Use concise possession Original: the financial statement of the company Suggested revision: the company's financial statement Why it matters: The possessive form is clearer and more concise.
- 11. Remove redundancy Original: the first quarter of the year 2022 Suggested revision: the first quarter of 2022 Why it matters: The word “year” is unnecessary before a stated year.
- 12. Use concise wording Original: memos to every department Suggested revision: memos to all departments Why it matters: This expresses the same meaning more concisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- the planning committee of this Company this company's planning committee
- set to come off scheduled to take place
- at the main hall of the ground floor in the main hall on the ground floor
- request of you that request that you
- notify them ahead of time notify them of the conference in advance
- has have
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response is an internally coherent and suitably professional letter about organising an annual conference, with a clear sequence and some effective workplace vocabulary. However, it does not address the assigned health problem, its connection to office conditions, or any proposed improvements, so it fails the communicative purpose completely. Rewrite the letter around those three required points before refining the recurring grammatical and collocational errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The letter is wholly unrelated to the assigned situation and omits every required point about health and office working conditions.
Replace the conference content with a description of the health problem, evidence linking it to the office, and practical improvements for the manager.
Coherence and Cohesion
Within its unrelated subject, the letter has clear paragraphing and a logical progression from announcement to preparations and requested action.
Use the same orderly progression for the assigned content, with one focused paragraph for each required point.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a reasonable range of workplace vocabulary, but several combinations, including come off and the cafeteria has been announced, are inaccurate.
Choose more natural collocations such as take place and the cafeteria staff have been asked to provide refreshments.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex sentences communicate the unrelated message clearly, but agreement and clause-structure errors recur in longer sentences.
Correct patterns such as projectors has been secured and request of you that prepare, and split overloaded sentences for better control.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You work in an office and have recently been experiencing a health problem. You think that the problem started because of the working conditions in the office. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter:
- Describe the health problem
- Explain why you think it was caused by conditions in the office
- Suggest what the manager should do to improve the working conditions in the office
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.