You have learned that a financial organisation in your city gives money as a loan to students who like to take a part-time course. You are interested to do the course and have decided to take a loan. Write a letter to a local financial organisation. In your letter: - give your qualifications and work experience - give details about the course - explain how this course will help you
Same question Compare 2 different answersSample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to inquire about the loan your bank disburses to aspiring students for a few affiliated courses. I am willing to take a part-time Microsoft Office course at Skill Tech and hoping that you would grant me a small loan. Please, let me take a minute to provide you with some details about me and my background. I hold a degree in Internal Auditing, and most of my works are based on computers. To date, I have conducted internal audits of many organizations ranging from small companies to large public companies. But still, I don’t have facile command in Microsoft Office as most of my previous clients used the alternative software. I came to know that your organization grants fund up to one thousand dollars to students who want to take such courses. I believe this course will greatly help me in my upcoming audit assignments and will make me stand out from the rest of my peers. My intention in writing this letter is to ask that you consider acknowledging a self-motivated individual who could make the most of your funds. I would, therefore, request you to grand me a loan of $1000 which I am willing to repay within the next year. Hoping to receive your supportive reply soon. Yours faithfully, Sameed Qureshi
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Restore parallel structure Original: and hoping Suggested revision: and am hoping Why it matters: The coordinated verb phrase needs the auxiliary “am”.
- 2. Use uncountable work Original: most of my works are based on computers Suggested revision: most of my work is computer-based Why it matters: “Work” is uncountable here and therefore takes the singular verb “is”.
- 3. Use one transition Original: But still, Suggested revision: However, Why it matters: “However” avoids the redundant combination of “but” and “still”.
- 4. Correct the collocation Original: facile command in Suggested revision: a good command of Why it matters: The standard expression is “have a good command of” a subject or tool.
- 5. Correct the loan phrase Original: grants fund up to one thousand dollars Suggested revision: offers loans of up to one thousand dollars Why it matters: The original phrase uses “fund” incorrectly as a singular count noun.
- 6. Correct the verb Original: grand Suggested revision: grant Why it matters: “Grant” is the verb meaning to approve or provide the requested loan.
- 7. Use natural loan wording Original: the loan your bank disburses Suggested revision: the student loans your bank offers Why it matters: Financial organisations normally “offer” loans rather than “disburse” a general loan programme.
- 8. Clarify course eligibility Original: for a few affiliated courses Suggested revision: for selected affiliated courses Why it matters: “Selected” communicates restricted eligibility more precisely than “a few”.
- 9. State firm intention Original: I am willing to take Suggested revision: I intend to take Why it matters: “Intend to take” better reflects the candidate’s stated decision to enrol.
- 10. Remove the comma Original: Please, Suggested revision: Please Why it matters: A comma is not needed after “Please” in this construction.
- 11. Use formal phrasing Original: let me take a minute to provide Suggested revision: allow me to provide Why it matters: This is more concise and appropriate for a formal loan request.
- 12. Name relevant details Original: details about me and my background Suggested revision: details of my qualifications and experience Why it matters: This wording directly signposts the first required bullet point.
Suggested Rewrites
- and hoping and am hoping
- most of my works are based on computers most of my work is computer-based
- But still, However,
- facile command in a good command of
- grants fund up to one thousand dollars offers loans of up to one thousand dollars
- grand grant
Why this response received Band 6.5
The letter clearly requests a loan and gives substantial information about the applicant's qualifications, auditing experience, chosen course, and expected professional benefit. Its main limitation is uneven language control: several awkward collocations, word-form errors, and incomplete constructions reduce clarity and formality, while the course details remain somewhat brief. Prioritise precise, idiomatic wording and add practical course information such as duration and total cost.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The communicative purpose and all bullet points are addressed, with strong background and benefit details but limited practical information about the course.
Add the course duration, schedule, fee, and start date so the lender has enough information to assess the request.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response develops a logical sequence from the request to background, benefits, and repayment, but lacks visible paragraph divisions.
Group the loan purpose, qualifications, course details, and professional benefits into separate focused paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for the topic, but recurrent awkward collocations and word-choice errors reduce precision.
Replace phrases such as "most of my works," "grants fund," and "acknowledging a self-motivated individual" with natural formal alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures, though several agreement, complementation, and sentence-fragment errors weaken control.
Correct structures such as "I am willing ... and hoping," "your organization grants fund," and the fragment "Hoping to receive your supportive reply soon."
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You have learned that a financial organisation in your city gives money as a loan to students who like to take a part-time course. You are interested to do the course and have decided to take a loan. Write a letter to a local financial organisation. In your letter:
- give your qualifications and work experience
- give details about the course
- explain how this course will help you
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.