In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society? What is your opinion on that?
Same question Compare all 2 answers See different approaches and band scores for this IELTS task.Sample Response
Thanks to the technological and scientific advancements, people's lives have become significantly progressed, particularly in improving human health with the most modern applications and effective treatments. It is inevitable that the remarkable increase in life expectancy has been a phenomenon in many countries as well as impacted both positively and negatively on their societies.
Older adults have been appreciated as the valuable and essential resource to their communities with material and immaterial contributions which benefit the younger. The increased longevity might create many time opportunities for those who still eager to pursue their working or researching passion for societal development, encouraging the young generations to inherit and attempt more for further success. The retirement age has been adjusted in most of working fields in order that the elderly can work longer with their contributing expectation, particularly the working year maximum of 60 for men and that of 55 for women.
In spite of significant values that the elderly can bring to the society, there are some negative implications which might put the government and the whole community under financial and healthcare pressure. The more people retire, the heavier pension burden the state has to carry. After a certain period of time for working, whether their living standards are better, they still have right to receive social welfare from their government. Therefore, many countries consequently take more consideration into budget distribution for this section. Additionally, the increasing amount of older adults is more likely to exacerbate overpopulation worldwide, which will lead to many overloaded facilities as hospitals, retirement homes and housing provision.
The constant proliferation in the ageing population has been obviously creating both benefits and burdens to their societies. Therefore, the government in every country should implement aging-friendly policies and efficient programs so as to mitigate this issue's negative influences and still progress people's standards of living.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Match plural complement Original: as the valuable and essential resource Suggested revision: as valuable and essential resources Why it matters: The plural subject “older adults” requires a plural complement without the definite article.
- 2. Use natural contrast Original: material and immaterial contributions Suggested revision: tangible and intangible contributions Why it matters: “Tangible and intangible” is the conventional pair for these two kinds of contribution.
- 3. Complete noun phrase Original: which benefit the younger Suggested revision: that benefit younger people Why it matters: “The younger” does not identify a complete group naturally in this context.
- 4. Remove incorrect modifier Original: many time opportunities Suggested revision: many opportunities Why it matters: “Time opportunities” is not a natural collocation and does not add meaning here.
- 5. Add linking verb Original: those who still eager Suggested revision: those who are still eager Why it matters: The adjective “eager” requires the linking verb “are”.
- 6. Use natural noun phrase Original: working or researching passion Suggested revision: professional or research interests Why it matters: The original word forms do not combine naturally with “passion”.
- 7. Use comparative adjective Original: the young generations Suggested revision: younger generations Why it matters: The comparative adjective describes generations younger than the older adults.
- 8. Clarify intended action Original: to inherit and attempt more for further success Suggested revision: to build on this work and pursue further success Why it matters: The original verbs do not convey continuing previous work and striving for success naturally.
- 9. Fix quantifier phrase Original: most of working fields Suggested revision: most fields of work Why it matters: “Most of” requires a determiner, while “most fields of work” is the natural construction.
- 10. Clarify continued contribution Original: with their contributing expectation Suggested revision: and continue contributing Why it matters: The original noun phrase is not idiomatic and obscures the intended ongoing action.
- 11. Use age expression Original: the working year maximum of 60 Suggested revision: the maximum working age of 60 Why it matters: The essay refers to an age limit rather than a number of working years.
- 12. Use uncountable value Original: significant values Suggested revision: significant value Why it matters: “Value” is uncountable when it means general benefit or worth.
Suggested Rewrites
- as the valuable and essential resource as valuable and essential resources
- material and immaterial contributions tangible and intangible contributions
- which benefit the younger that benefit younger people
- many time opportunities many opportunities
- those who still eager those who are still eager
- working or researching passion professional or research interests
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is well organised and discusses relevant benefits and burdens of an ageing population, with the pension and healthcare pressures explained most clearly. However, it never answers the central comparative question by stating whether the effects are more positive or more negative, and some supporting claims are vague or questionable. Prioritise a clear outweighing judgement in the introduction and conclusion, then use the body paragraphs to justify that comparison directly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both positive and negative effects are addressed, but the required judgement about which side is greater is absent and some ideas are insufficiently substantiated.
State whether the benefits or burdens predominate and compare their relative scale and significance throughout the response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear thematic paragraphs and generally logical progression, though a few explanations and examples connect only loosely to their central claims.
Use explicit comparative links to show how each benefit or burden contributes to the final outweighing judgement.
Lexical Resource
A broad range of topic vocabulary is attempted, but frequent unnatural collocations and imprecise word choices sometimes make ideas difficult to express cleanly.
Prefer established phrases such as longer life expectancy, valuable community resource, pension expenditure, healthcare capacity, and ageing population.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures, but errors in verb forms, articles, relative clauses, countability, and agreement are frequent though meaning remains mostly clear.
Simplify overloaded sentences and check that every noun phrase has the correct article, number, and corresponding verb form.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society? What is your opinion on that?
Your response
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