In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society? What is your opinion on that?
Sample Response
With the advancement of science and medicine, people are enjoying a longer life than before and in many countries, people are well aware of the population growth and as a result having only one kid or two. These reasons lead the fact that
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Match plural subject Original: a longer life Suggested revision: longer lives Why it matters: The plural subject people is more naturally paired with the plural noun lives.
- 2. Split overloaded sentence Original: and in many countries Suggested revision: . In many countries Why it matters: Starting a new sentence prevents two separate demographic points from being crowded into one long structure.
- 3. Restore finite verb Original: as a result having only one kid or two Suggested revision: as a result, have only one or two children Why it matters: The coordinated clause needs the finite verb have, and one or two children is the natural formal phrasing.
- 4. Sentence rewrite Original: These reasons lead the fact that Suggested revision: These factors lead to this outcome. Why it matters: The original is an unfinished clause and omits the preposition required after lead.
Suggested Rewrites
- a longer life longer lives
- and in many countries . In many countries
- as a result having only one kid or two as a result, have only one or two children
- These reasons lead the fact that These factors lead to this outcome.
Why this response received Band 3.0
The response shows some awareness of two demographic causes, using relevant vocabulary about medicine and population growth. However, it is only 43 words, ends as an incomplete sentence, and never discusses the positive or negative effects of an ageing population or states an opinion. The highest priority is to write a complete essay with a clear position, developed effect-based paragraphs, and a conclusion before refining grammar and phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The fragment mentions possible causes of population ageing but does not address its effects or provide the required opinion.
Write a complete response that compares positive and negative effects, states which side is greater, and supports that view.
Coherence and Cohesion
A few related cause ideas are joined in one unfinished sentence, so no sustained progression or essay organization is demonstrated.
Use an introduction, separate body paragraphs for key effects, and a conclusion, with each paragraph developing one central idea.
Lexical Resource
Some relevant terms are used, but the very short fragment demonstrates only a limited range and includes inaccurate phrasing.
Expand the topic vocabulary for economic, social, and healthcare effects and use natural phrases such as leads to the fact that.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts a complex sentence, but faulty coordination and an unfinished final clause prevent adequate grammatical control.
Write complete sentences with clear clause boundaries, then check verb forms and punctuation in longer structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society? What is your opinion on that?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.