Many developed countries now have large numbers of people over the age of 65. What problems might this cause? How can the problems be solved?
Sample Response
The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation?
Generational changeChanging of generations has always beenalways has been an essential part of the natural cycle of lifeplanet’s life cycle. However, today, this generational change has slowedthis phenomenon has slowed down in most developed countries of the world. According to recent statistics, the birth rate will continue to decrease over the next 50 years, so by 2030so, by 2030, more than one third of the population in these countries will be aged 65 and over. This trend is believedIt is believed to have more negative effects on societies than positive onesrather than positives.
Firstly, the declining sizenature of younger generations creates labour shortagescatalyzes the lack of workforce in national economies. Take Japan as an example. As the Japanese population is growing older, factories have to reduce their operationsworkplaces because there are not enough new workers to replace those who retirereplace retiring workers. Hence, it will slow down economic growth of the country. Thus, these demographic trendsthese predicted figures will affect the economies of developed countriesnational economies of developing countries.
Moreover, the costs of supporting retired peoplecosts required to sustain retired people are likely to surge by 2030. Therefore, it is obvious that the social burden of caring for an aging population will be borneheld by a disproportionately small number of peopledisproportionatelyfewer people in the younger generations. In order to prevent this demographic imbalanceunnatural misbalance and the problems it causesthat causes issues, governments should adopt policies that encourage population growthmaintain stimulating demography policy. One of the possible solutions could be to offer a range of incentives for having childrenthe usage of a wide range of preferences for giving birth. Another way is to promote family life and motherhoodthe role of family and motherhood in modern society. Overall, the problem of aging populations in most developed countries is very challenging and should be addressedconsidered more seriously by experts.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear negative view and identifies two relevant consequences of an ageing population, with a logical example of labour shortages and economic effects. However, the proposed solutions remain vague, and copied task wording contributes no development; frequent unnatural collocations also weaken precision. The highest-priority improvement is to explain how each proposed policy would increase births or reduce pressure on workers, using specific mechanisms and outcomes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both problems and solutions are addressed, but the solutions are only briefly stated and the copied prompt does not advance the response.
Develop each solution by explaining its practical implementation and how it would ease labour or pension pressures.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a broadly logical progression with relevant paragraphing, although linking is sometimes mechanical and the final paragraph carries too many functions.
Give the solutions their own developed paragraph and use referencing rather than repeated formulaic connectors.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss demographic and economic issues, but frequent inaccurate collocations reduce naturalness and precision.
Replace expressions such as 'catalyzes the lack of workforce,' 'unnatural misbalance,' and 'stimulating demography policy' with standard academic phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses both simple and complex structures, but recurring article, word-form, spacing, and sentence-construction errors remain noticeable.
Edit complex sentences for accurate articles, noun forms, and clause relationships before adding further grammatical complexity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many developed countries now have large numbers of people over the age of 65. What problems might this cause? How can the problems be solved?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.