Many developed countries now have large numbers of people over the age of 65. What problems might this cause? How can the problems be solved?
Sample Response
The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one-third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation?
In modern Europe, the problem of birth rates has become very actual. As a result, many issues will arise, and the present generation of people will see a significant number of changes. It is essential to outline some notable aspects of this question, such as the rise in the number of new migrants and the ruin of the pension system, which can be compensated only by a decrease of pensions.
First of all, the population of every country is a working force, and the lack of it creates many problems for the economy. At the same time, there are several solutions to this problem that are appropriate in the world. For example, to attract people from developing countries to reside in Europe with the aim of filling the gap. Unfortunately, it is predictable that this tendency can make worse the relations on the cultural base, and this the reason why certain parts of society do not accept this idea.
Secondly, the stability of the pension system depends on one vital factor – the number of people who work and pay their taxes. The decline of the population always leads to a reduction of budget revenue and an economy in state spending. In this case, the government is obligated to make some unpopular decisions, for instance, to reduce pensions. This solution is regarded as negative. However, it is the most suitable answer in this situation.
In conclusion, it is important to make a remark here; that the decline of the population is a very negative trend which can bring some bad consequences, such as the problem with the workforce, or the crisis of the pension system. However, there are some unpleasant solutions to these problems, the reduction of pensions and changes in migration policy with the target of attracting new employees from foreign countries.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural wording Original: very actual Suggested revision: a pressing concern Why it matters: Actual does not mean important or pressing in this context.
- 2. Choose precise wording Original: ruin Suggested revision: collapse Why it matters: Collapse is a more natural term for the failure of a financial system.
- 3. Correct preposition Original: of Suggested revision: in Why it matters: The noun decrease takes in when referring to an amount that becomes smaller.
- 4. Clarify the meaning Original: the population of every country is a working force Suggested revision: every country needs a sufficient workforce Why it matters: A population includes non-workers, so the original wording is inaccurate.
- 5. Name the shortage Original: the lack of it Suggested revision: a shortage of workers Why it matters: The pronoun it refers unclearly to the preceding phrase.
- 6. Use natural collocation Original: appropriate in the world Suggested revision: used around the world Why it matters: Solutions are used or adopted rather than described as appropriate in the world.
- 7. Use concise verb Original: make worse Suggested revision: worsen Why it matters: Worsen is the standard transitive verb in this construction.
- 8. Clarify the phrase Original: the relations on the cultural base Suggested revision: cultural relations Why it matters: The original phrase is not an idiomatic way to refer to relations between cultures.
- 9. Correct preposition Original: of Suggested revision: in Why it matters: Reduction normally takes in when describing a declining quantity.
- 10. Use accurate phrase Original: an economy in state spending Suggested revision: cuts in state spending Why it matters: Economy does not naturally express reductions in government expenditure here.
- 11. Use natural wording Original: obligated Suggested revision: obliged Why it matters: Obliged is more idiomatic for being compelled to make a decision.
- 12. Improve the collocation Original: regarded as negative Suggested revision: viewed negatively Why it matters: Viewed negatively is the more natural collocation for an unfavourable perception.
Suggested Rewrites
- very actual a pressing concern
- ruin collapse
- of in
- the population of every country is a working force every country needs a sufficient workforce
- the lack of it a shortage of workers
- appropriate in the world used around the world
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies two relevant pressures created by an ageing population and maintains a generally clear problem-and-solution structure. Its main limitation is that the proposed responses are narrow and sometimes only partly developed, while frequent awkward phrasing and grammatical slips weaken precision. The highest priority is to explain each solution's practical effects more fully while using clearer, more natural sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are addressed with relevant problems and corresponding solutions, although support is sometimes limited or questionable.
Develop each solution by explaining how it would alleviate the identified problem and acknowledge its likely practical consequences.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses through a clear introduction, two themed body paragraphs, and a conclusion, despite some mechanical linking and local disruption.
Use cohesive devices more selectively and connect each problem directly to its proposed solution within the same line of reasoning.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for discussing demographic and economic issues, but inaccurate collocations and word choices recur throughout.
Replace awkward expressions with precise combinations such as labour force, strain on public finances, and cultural tensions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but fragments, missing words, and faulty clause connections occur frequently.
Prioritise complete sentences and check that every dependent clause is correctly joined to a clear main clause.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many developed countries now have large numbers of people over the age of 65. What problems might this cause? How can the problems be solved?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.