Many developed countries now have large numbers of people over the age of 65. What problems might this cause? How can the problems be solved?
Sample Response
The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one-third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation?
In modern Europe, the problem of birth rates has become a pressing concernvery actual. As a result, many issues will arise, and the present generation of people will see a significant number of changes. It is essential to outline some notable aspects of this question, such as the rise in the number of new migrants and the collapseruin of the pension system, which can be compensated only by a decrease inof pensions.
First of all, every country needs a sufficient workforcethe population of every country is a working force, and a shortage of workersthe lack of it creates many problems for the economy. At the same time, there are several solutions to this problem that are used around the worldappropriate in the world. For example, to attract people from developing countries to reside in Europe with the aim of filling the gap. Unfortunately, it is likelypredictable that this tendency can worsenmake worse cultural relationsthe relations on the cultural base, and this the reason why certain parts of society do not accept this idea.
Secondly, the stability of the pension system depends on one vital factor – the number of people who work and pay their taxes. The decline of the population always leads to a reduction inof budget revenue and cuts in state spendingan economy in state spending. In this case, the government is obligedobligated to make some unpopular decisions, for instance, to reduce pensions. This solution is viewed negativelyregarded as negative. However, it is the most suitable solutionanswer in this situation.
In conclusion, it is important to note thatmake a remark here; that the decline of the population is a very negative trend which can bring some seriousbad consequences, such as the labour shortagethe problem with the workforce, or the crisis of the pension system. However, there are some unpleasant solutions to these problems: the reductionthese problems, the reduction of pensions and changes in migration policy with the aimtarget of attracting new employees from foreign countries.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies two relevant pressures created by an ageing population and maintains a generally clear problem-and-solution structure. Its main limitation is that the proposed responses are narrow and sometimes only partly developed, while frequent awkward phrasing and grammatical slips weaken precision. The highest priority is to explain each solution's practical effects more fully while using clearer, more natural sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are addressed with relevant problems and corresponding solutions, although support is sometimes limited or questionable.
Develop each solution by explaining how it would alleviate the identified problem and acknowledge its likely practical consequences.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses through a clear introduction, two themed body paragraphs, and a conclusion, despite some mechanical linking and local disruption.
Use cohesive devices more selectively and connect each problem directly to its proposed solution within the same line of reasoning.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for discussing demographic and economic issues, but inaccurate collocations and word choices recur throughout.
Replace awkward expressions with precise combinations such as labour force, strain on public finances, and cultural tensions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but fragments, missing words, and faulty clause connections occur frequently.
Prioritise complete sentences and check that every dependent clause is correctly joined to a clear main clause.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many developed countries now have large numbers of people over the age of 65. What problems might this cause? How can the problems be solved?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.