Fossil fuel, such as coal, oil and natural gas, is extensively used in many countries which causes harm to the environment. The use of alternative sources of energy, including wind and solar power, however, is being encouraged in many countries. Why the use of alternative sources of energy is being encouraged in many countries? Is this a positive or a negative development?
Sample Response
While fossil fuels have been the backbone of our energy supply for centuries, they have severe harmful impacts on our environment. Therefore, some countries have started relying on green energy to reverse the situation. And it is a positive trend that we have started researching and using alternative sources of energy, also known as green energy, that are sustainable and do not cause long-term damage to our environment.
One of the main reasons alternative energy sources are being used to produce green energy in many countries is their ability to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, which are a major contributor to climate change. According to the International Energy Agency, the use of renewable energy sources can help reduce global CO2 emissions by up to 70% by 2050. This is a significant step towards protecting our planet from the devastating effects of climate change, including rising sea levels, extreme weather events, and loss of biodiversity.
The use of renewable sources to generate energy is a positive development for a variety of reasons. For instance, investing in renewable energy can also create jobs and boost the economy. According to the Renewable Energy and Jobs Annual Review 2020, the renewable energy sector employed around 11.5 million people worldwide in 2019, a 6% increase from the previous year. This growth in employment opportunities can help to stimulate local economies and provide new job opportunities for people in both developed and developing countries. For example, in Germany, the government's decision to phase out nuclear power plants and invest in renewable energy sources, such as wind and solar power, has created over 300,000 jobs and contributed to a reduction in greenhouse gas emissions.
In conclusion, the shift towards green energy sources is a positive development that can help to protect our environment and create new job opportunities. While it may take time and investment to transition away from fossil fuels, it is a necessary step to ensure a sustainable future for generations to come.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct word combination Original: severe harmful impacts Suggested revision: serious harmful effects Why it matters: The adjective combination is unnatural, and ‘effects’ is more idiomatic here.
- 2. Use precise wording Original: reverse the situation Suggested revision: address this problem Why it matters: This wording identifies the environmental problem more precisely.
- 3. Avoid circular wording Original: are being used to produce green energy Suggested revision: are being used to generate renewable energy Why it matters: This revision avoids repeating ‘energy’ in a circular definition.
- 4. Match plural subject Original: emissions, which are a major contributor Suggested revision: emissions, which are major contributors Why it matters: The plural subject ‘emissions’ requires a plural complement.
- 5. Clarify reference Original: This is a significant step Suggested revision: This reduction is a significant step Why it matters: Naming the reduction makes the reference of ‘This’ explicit.
- 6. Use accurate transition Original: For instance, investing in renewable energy can also Suggested revision: Investing in renewable energy can also Why it matters: The sentence introduces another reason rather than an example of the preceding claim.
- 7. Remove lexical repetition Original: employment opportunities can help to stimulate local economies and provide new job opportunities Suggested revision: employment can stimulate local economies and create jobs Why it matters: This concise wording avoids repeating ‘opportunities’ while preserving the point.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: And it is a positive trend that we have started researching and using alternative sources of energy, also known as green energy, that are sustainable and do not cause long-term damage to our environment. Suggested revision: Researching and using sustainable alternative energy sources that do not cause long-term environmental damage is a positive trend. Why it matters: The revision removes the unnecessary opening conjunction and streamlines the nested clauses.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: For example, in Germany, the government's decision to phase out nuclear power plants and invest in renewable energy sources, such as wind and solar power, has created over 300,000 jobs and contributed to a reduction in greenhouse gas emissions. Suggested revision: For example, Germany’s decision to phase out nuclear power plants and invest in renewable sources such as wind and solar power has created over 300,000 jobs while reducing greenhouse gas emissions. Why it matters: The revision reduces heavy modification and expresses the two outcomes more directly.
- 10. Strengthen paragraph progression Suggested revision: Keep job creation as the paragraph’s central focus and link both the global statistic and the Germany example directly to that point. Why it matters: A clearer progression would make the two examples feel cumulative rather than loosely connected.
Suggested Rewrites
- severe harmful impacts serious harmful effects
- reverse the situation address this problem
- are being used to produce green energy are being used to generate renewable energy
- emissions, which are a major contributor emissions, which are major contributors
- This is a significant step This reduction is a significant step
- For instance, investing in renewable energy can also Investing in renewable energy can also
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response answers both questions directly, sustains a clear positive position, and supports its main points with specific environmental and employment examples. Its principal limitation is that some evidence is asserted through statistics rather than analysed, while repeated references to green energy and a few awkward phrases reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen the explanation linking each example to the argument and trim repetitive wording.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are fully addressed through a clear position and relevant, substantially developed reasons.
Explain the significance of the cited figures more fully instead of relying on them to carry the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from the reason for adoption to the benefits, with clear paragraphing and effective linking.
Reduce repeated framing around green energy so that transitions between ideas feel more economical.
Lexical Resource
A broad and generally precise vocabulary supports detailed discussion of environmental and economic effects.
Refine occasional awkward collocations such as severe harmful impacts and avoid repeating green energy unnecessarily.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, with only occasional minor lapses that do not impede meaning.
Polish isolated sentence-opening and phrasing choices to make the already controlled syntax more natural.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Fossil fuel, such as coal, oil and natural gas, is extensively used in many countries which causes harm to the environment. The use of alternative sources of energy, including wind and solar power, however, is being encouraged in many countries. Why the use of alternative sources of energy is being encouraged in many countries? Is this a positive or a negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.