Currently there is a trend towards the use of alternative forms of medicine. However, at best these methods are ineffective, and at worst they may be dangerous. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Sample Response
Traditionally, people in the past used alternative medicine for a long time. Nowadays, many people are still using this medicine to treat a lot of diseases. It is agreed that alternative medicine is not useful and sometime dangerous. Analysing both invalidity of alternative medicine to treat many illnesses as well as the dangerous of drugs in this medicine will show this. Firstly, alternative medicine does not use techniques and facilities that are important to treat a lot of illnesses as modern medicine do. For example, many diseases require surgery operations to succeed by using many technical devices such as sonar and X-Ray that help doctors to perform these operations in a best way. Therefore, alternative medicine is not the best to process many illnesses. Thus this makes it clear why alternative medicine is not effective and useless. Secondly, drugs in alternative medicine do not tested scientifically to specify if it is dangerous or not. For instance, alternative medicine uses plants to produce drugs and these plants may be contain toxic materials or any other dangerous substances. So, when human uses these drugs that are harmful, the state of person may be worse and sometime lead to death. From this it becomes quite evident that alternative medicine may be dangerous and harmful. In summary, alternative medicine has many drawbacks such as useless and sometime very dangerous. Thus, it is clear why the idea of using alternative medicine is helpful to treat many diseases cannot be supported. After analysing this subject, it is predicted that negative aspects of using alternative medicine much more than positive ones and the government should have full control of using alternative medicine.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant wording Original: Traditionally, people in the past Suggested revision: In the past, people Why it matters: 'Traditionally' and 'in the past' unnecessarily repeat the same time reference.
- 2. Use an accurate reference Original: using this medicine Suggested revision: using such treatments Why it matters: 'Treatments' refers more naturally to forms of alternative medicine.
- 3. Use formal wording Original: a lot of diseases Suggested revision: many diseases Why it matters: 'Many' is more concise and appropriate for an academic essay.
- 4. Correct the adverb Original: sometime Suggested revision: sometimes Why it matters: 'Sometimes' is the frequency adverb needed to mean on some occasions.
- 5. Use the correct noun Original: both invalidity Suggested revision: both the ineffectiveness Why it matters: 'Ineffectiveness' accurately names the claimed lack of medical benefit.
- 6. Correct the noun form Original: dangerous Suggested revision: dangers Why it matters: The noun 'dangers' is required after the article here.
- 7. Clarify the reference Original: in this medicine Suggested revision: used in these treatments Why it matters: The replacement clearly links the drugs to alternative treatments.
- 8. Fix verb agreement Original: do Suggested revision: does Why it matters: The singular subject 'modern medicine' requires 'does'.
- 9. Correct the word form Original: surgery Suggested revision: surgical Why it matters: The adjective 'surgical' is needed to modify 'operations'.
- 10. Clarify the construction Original: to succeed by using Suggested revision: to be performed successfully using Why it matters: The passive construction correctly describes how operations are carried out.
- 11. Correct capitalization Original: Ray Suggested revision: ray Why it matters: The standard spelling of the common noun uses a lowercase 'r'.
- 12. Fix the article Original: a Suggested revision: the Why it matters: A superlative adjective requires the definite article 'the'.
Suggested Rewrites
- Traditionally, people in the past In the past, people
- using this medicine using such treatments
- a lot of diseases many diseases
- sometime sometimes
- both invalidity both the ineffectiveness
- dangerous dangers
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a clear position and organizes its case around the two relevant claims of ineffectiveness and danger. However, the reasoning is sometimes simplistic, while frequent grammatical and word-choice errors make several sentences awkward or imprecise. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each claim with more credible explanation and then edit sentences for correct verb forms, noun forms, and natural collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and both stated concerns are addressed, but the supporting reasoning is only partly developed and sometimes overgeneralized.
Explain why particular alternative treatments may be ineffective or unsafe using specific, credible evidence rather than broad assumptions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognizable sequence, although formulaic linking, repetition, and the single-block presentation weaken cohesion.
Separate the introduction, two main arguments, and conclusion into paragraphs and reduce repetitive concluding linkers.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary covers the topic adequately, but frequent word-form and collocation errors reduce precision.
Use accurate combinations such as scientifically tested treatments, harmful substances, and a patient's condition.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally recoverable, but frequent errors in verb forms, agreement, articles, and sentence construction limit control.
Build complete clauses with correctly inflected verbs, then check agreement and articles sentence by sentence.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Currently there is a trend towards the use of alternative forms of medicine. However, at best these methods are ineffective, and at worst they may be dangerous. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.