Currently there is a trend towards the use of alternative forms of medicine. However, at best these methods are ineffective, and at worst they may be dangerous. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Sample Response
Alternative medicine is not new. It is accepted that it pre-dates conventional medicine and it is still used by many people all over the world. I am unconvinced that it is dangerous, and feel that both alternative and conventional medicine can be useful.
There are several reasons why the conventional medical community is often dismissive of alternatives. Firstly, there has been little scientific research into such medicine, so there is a scarcity of evidence to support the claims of their supporters. Furthermore, people often try such treatment because of recommendations from friends, and therefore come to the therapist with a very positive attitude, which may be part of the reason for the cure. Moreover, these therapies are usually only useful for long-term, chronic conditions. Acute medical problems, such as accidental injury, often require more conventional methods.
On the other hand, there remain strong arguments for the use of alternatives. Despite the lack of scientific proof, there is a lot of anecdotal evidence to suggest that these therapies work. In addition, far from being dangerous, they often have few or no side effects, so the worst outcome would be no change. One of the strongest arguments for the effectiveness of alternative therapies in the West is that, whilst conventional medicine is available without charge, many people are prepared to pay considerable sums for alternatives. If they were totally unhelpful, it would be surprising if this continued.
I strongly believe that conventional medicine and alternative therapies can and should coexist. They have different strengths, and can both be used effectively to target particular medical problems. The best situation would be for alternative therapies to be used to support and complement conventional medicine.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Unnecessary hyphenation Original: pre-dates Suggested revision: predates Why it matters: The verb 'predates' is standardly written as a single unhyphenated word.
- 2. Plural noun agreement Original: medicine Suggested revision: medicines Why it matters: Using the plural 'medicines' matches the plural pronoun 'their' later in the sentence.
- 3. More precise phrasing Original: claims of their supporters Suggested revision: claims made for their effectiveness Why it matters: Phrasing this around effectiveness provides a clearer and more academic link to scientific research.
- 4. Noun form consistency Original: treatment Suggested revision: treatments Why it matters: Pluralizing 'treatments' creates better consistency with the plural context used throughout the essay.
- 5. More natural phrasing Original: come to the therapist Suggested revision: approach a practitioner Why it matters: 'Practitioner' or 'therapist' fits well, but adding an indefinite article sounds more natural here.
- 6. More precise word choice Original: part of the reason for the cure Suggested revision: part of the reason for recovery Why it matters: 'Recovery' or 'perceived improvement' is more appropriate than 'cure' when discussing placebo effects.
- 7. Plural noun choice Original: injury Suggested revision: injuries Why it matters: Using the plural 'accidental injuries' sounds more natural alongside 'acute medical problems'.
- 8. Clearer noun reference Original: use of alternatives Suggested revision: use of alternative therapies Why it matters: Specifying 'alternative therapies' maintains clarity and consistent terminology across paragraphs.
- 9. More formal tone Original: a lot of Suggested revision: substantial Why it matters: Using 'substantial' instead of 'a lot of' enhances the academic tone of the argument.
- 10. Collocation refinement Original: pay considerable sums for alternatives Suggested revision: pay considerable sums for alternative treatments Why it matters: Adding 'treatments' completes the phrase more precisely in academic writing.
- 11. Formal register Original: totally unhelpful Suggested revision: entirely ineffective Why it matters: 'Entirely ineffective' is more formal and echoes the task prompt more precisely.
- 12. Enhance paragraph transitions Suggested revision: Use clearer transition markers between the discussion of research, placebo effects, and chronic versus acute conditions to strengthen paragraph flow. Why it matters: Connecting the different supporting points more explicitly will make the logical progression inside the paragraph smoother.
Suggested Rewrites
- pre-dates predates
- medicine medicines
- claims of their supporters claims made for their effectiveness
- treatment treatments
- come to the therapist approach a practitioner
- part of the reason for the cure part of the reason for recovery
Why this response received Band 8.0
This essay presents a highly articulate and balanced response to the prompt, maintaining a clear position throughout. Ideas are developed logically with sophisticated vocabulary and a wide range of accurately controlled grammatical structures. To improve further, the response could incorporate a specific real-world example to illustrate the complementary role of alternative therapies.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay directly addresses all parts of the prompt, establishing a clear and nuanced position with well-developed supporting arguments.
Include a concrete real-world example to provide stronger empirical support for the main arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organized logically across clear paragraphs with smooth cohesive transitions throughout the essay.
Vary cohesive devices slightly more to avoid relying on standard listing signals like 'Firstly' and 'Furthermore'.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of precise, context-appropriate vocabulary is used naturally and with high accuracy.
Incorporate a broader variety of sophisticated topic-specific collocations to further enhance lexical flexibility.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammatical structures are varied, flexible, and consistently accurate with virtually no errors.
Maintain this high level of accuracy while incorporating more complex passive or inverted sentence structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Currently there is a trend towards the use of alternative forms of medicine. However, at best these methods are ineffective, and at worst they may be dangerous. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.