Some people say that animals should not be exploited for the benefit of human beings unless there is evidence that the animals do not suffer in any way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
There is controversy about exploiting animals for human needs like farming, lab experimenting and using them as a source of protein. Animal rights activists are trying to stop all modern and traditional activities, which involve killing animals or causing them to suffer. Traditionalists are trying to convince the community that using living creatures for men's needs is natural and cannot be avoided in everyday life. In this essay, we will explore this subject.
Activists, who defend animal rights, are telling the world that people should not use animals in any way that make those animal suffer. Moreover, they say that animals should have exactly the same rights as humans do. The reason is that people and animals are both living creatures and there should not be any difference in treating them. Many extreme vegans are refusing to eat any food of animal origin, even milk or honey. They are trying to convince people to do the same as they believe that killing animals and keeping them in captivity is not civilized.
Traditionalists disagree with the statement that humans should stop killing animals or using them to fulfil their needs. From the very beginning of human civilisation, there is a tradition and vital need to use animals as a food source and their parts in traditional crafts. Without proteins and vitamins of animal origin, the human body wouldn't receive all nutrients it needs. Moreover, testing some medicals on animals already helped to fight many diseases people suffered from.
I think people should use animals to their benefit, to some extent. I am sure, we should not cause them to suffer and die for our fun activities. Although using animals for food is natural for humans as humans are at the top of the food chain, we should make sure we do not make them suffer unnecessarily.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the noun form Original: lab experimenting Suggested revision: laboratory experimentation Why it matters: The activity requires a noun phrase rather than the informal gerund expression.
- 2. Remove restrictive comma Original: activities, which involve Suggested revision: activities which involve Why it matters: The relative clause identifies the activities being discussed, so it should not be set off by a comma.
- 3. Use inclusive wording Original: men's Suggested revision: human Why it matters: This phrase refers to humanity generally rather than specifically to men.
- 4. Fix verb agreement Original: that make those animal Suggested revision: that makes those animals Why it matters: The singular antecedent “way” requires “makes,” and “those” requires a plural noun.
- 5. Clarify the comparison Original: difference in treating them Suggested revision: difference in how they are treated Why it matters: The passive construction makes clear that the comparison concerns human treatment of both groups.
- 6. Use simple present Original: are refusing to eat Suggested revision: refuse to eat Why it matters: The simple present is more natural for a general habitual practice.
- 7. Use natural phrasing Original: food of animal origin, even milk or honey Suggested revision: food derived from animals, including milk and honey Why it matters: This wording states the category and examples more naturally.
- 8. Match the time span Original: From the very beginning of human civilisation, there is Suggested revision: Since the beginning of human civilisation, there has been Why it matters: A situation continuing from the past to the present requires “since” and the present perfect.
- 9. Add parallel article Original: a tradition and vital need Suggested revision: both a tradition and a vital need Why it matters: Parallel singular noun phrases require an article before each noun.
- 10. Use uncountable protein Original: proteins Suggested revision: protein Why it matters: “Protein” is normally uncountable when referring to the nutrient in general.
- 11. Add definite article Original: all nutrients it needs Suggested revision: all the nutrients it needs Why it matters: The specific nutrients required by the body take the definite article.
- 12. Use the correct noun Original: medicals Suggested revision: medicines Why it matters: “Medicals” does not mean pharmaceutical treatments in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- lab experimenting laboratory experimentation
- activities, which involve activities which involve
- men's human
- that make those animal that makes those animals
- difference in treating them difference in how they are treated
- are refusing to eat refuse to eat
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay presents both ethical objections and practical arguments before reaching a clear, qualified position that animals may be used when unnecessary suffering is avoided. Its main limitation is that the writer's own reasoning appears late and some claims about nutrition and animal testing are asserted too broadly. Prioritise stating the position in the introduction and developing it through precise conditions and well-supported examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both perspectives are relevant and the conclusion gives a qualified opinion, but the writer's position is delayed and its conditions are only partly developed.
State the qualified agreement at the outset and explain when animal use is justified, necessary, and demonstrably humane.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through opposing views to a conclusion, with clear paragraph roles and generally effective linking.
Use topic sentences that connect each body paragraph directly to the degree of agreement rather than merely labelling activist and traditionalist views.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the ethical debate, but several collocations and word choices are inaccurate or imprecise.
Replace lab experimenting, medicals, abolish suffering, and men's needs with natural, specific academic expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of structures is attempted and meaning remains clear, though agreement, articles, plurals, tense, and punctuation errors recur.
Check noun agreement and clause control in forms such as ways that make animals suffer and testing medicines has helped.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that animals should not be exploited for the benefit of human beings unless there is evidence that the animals do not suffer in any way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.