Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. The government must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Sample Response
Some people are convinced that the financial reserve of the government should be allocated to the public sector rather than on arts. However, I strongly believe that arts play a major role in the development of a country. Primarily, arts symbolise the culture of a nation. In the primitive era, people celebrated their occasion through music and dance. These cultural activities have become a religious ritual for them, thereby representing an aboriginal tradition. It is in the style of an art such as designs of garments and historic rock sculptures that determine the ethnicity of a group. For example, in the Philippines, the Ifugao tribe in Bulacan is well known for wearing a bahag attire, which looks like an old an old-fangled brief. Their cultural identity becomes famous because of their artistic rice terraces. Furthermore, arts have become the freedom of expression. Some arts enthusiast can demonstrate their feelings through music or paintings. Such activities have a reasonable means of portraying emotions. One example of this is expressing depression through a composition of a melancholic song rather than to venture in a destructive behaviour such as inebriation of alcohol. Thus, art is a good passion that entices the people to do recreational activities. Finally, it is widely believed that some artistic outputs have contributed to the tourism of a country. There are holidaymakers who visit a country so they can witness a painting, sculptures or any artistic masterpiece. To illustrate, the painting of Juan Luna “ the Spolarium “ in the Philippines has lured a considerable number of foreign visitors. This is because the painting depicts the suffering of most Filipinos at the time of Spaniard regime, which becomes a historical event in the country. To conclude, I am convinced that arts have a greater contribution to the society. Not only does it represent the cultural heritage of a country, but it also encourages performing a formidable masterpiece that can promote the culture of a country.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural term Original: financial reserve of the government Suggested revision: government funds Why it matters: This is the standard and more concise term for money available to a government.
- 2. Fix preposition Original: rather than on arts Suggested revision: rather than to the arts Why it matters: The preposition should remain parallel with 'allocated to the public sector'.
- 3. Add definite article Original: believe that arts play Suggested revision: believe that the arts play Why it matters: The collective field of artistic activity is conventionally expressed as 'the arts'.
- 4. Avoid vague wording Original: In the primitive era Suggested revision: In earlier periods Why it matters: The revision is more neutral and precise than the broad label 'primitive'.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: celebrated their occasion Suggested revision: marked important occasions Why it matters: English speakers mark or celebrate occasions, and the plural is needed for a general statement.
- 6. Fix tense and agreement Original: activities have become a religious ritual Suggested revision: activities became religious rituals Why it matters: The past-time context requires a past verb, and the plural subject needs a plural complement.
- 7. Remove extra article Original: a bahag attire Suggested revision: bahag attire Why it matters: The article is unnecessary before the uncountable use of 'attire'.
- 8. Use accurate collocation Original: arts have become the freedom of expression Suggested revision: the arts provide freedom of expression Why it matters: The arts can provide a means of expression, whereas they do not become freedom itself.
- 9. Fix noun form Original: Some arts enthusiast Suggested revision: Some art enthusiasts Why it matters: 'Art' functions as the modifier, and 'some' requires the plural noun 'enthusiasts'.
- 10. Correct the expression Original: Such activities have a reasonable means Suggested revision: Such activities are a meaningful means Why it matters: Activities can be a means of expression, but they do not have a means in this context.
- 11. Use natural term Original: outputs Suggested revision: works Why it matters: 'Artistic works' is the more natural term for paintings, sculptures, and similar creations.
- 12. Remove unnecessary article Original: contributed to the tourism Suggested revision: contributed to tourism Why it matters: 'Tourism' is used without an article when referring to the sector generally.
Suggested Rewrites
- financial reserve of the government government funds
- rather than on arts rather than to the arts
- believe that arts play believe that the arts play
- In the primitive era In earlier periods
- celebrated their occasion marked important occasions
- activities have become a religious ritual activities became religious rituals
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response's strongest feature is its clear opposition to the claim, supported by relevant discussion of culture, expression, and tourism. Its main limitation is uneven control: the argument does not sufficiently engage with the competing need for public-service funding, and the single-paragraph presentation weakens the progression. The highest-priority improvement is to organize the reasons into distinct paragraphs and directly explain why arts funding remains justified despite public-service demands.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and several relevant reasons are supported, though the public-services side of the claim receives little direct analysis.
Explain why government support for the arts is justified specifically when weighed against expenditure on essential public services.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence from cultural identity to expression and tourism is discernible, but presenting the entire essay as one paragraph limits clarity and progression.
Separate the introduction, each main reason, and the conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with clearer internal topic development.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a reasonably broad vocabulary and attempts less common expressions, but several word choices and collocations are inaccurate or unnatural.
Prioritize precise collocations, replacing awkward phrases such as financial reserve, a reasonable means, and inebriation of alcohol with natural alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex structures are mixed, but recurring errors in agreement, articles, prepositions, and sentence construction reduce control.
Edit systematically for subject-verb agreement and article use, especially in complex sentences where multiple clauses are combined.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. The government must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.