Extreme sports such as skydiving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
Sample Response
In an era when plenty of young people suffer injuriessuffered injury from extreme sports, the question whether extreme sports such as skydiving and skiing which easily cause injury or deathwhich are easily causing injury or death should be banned has sparked an intenseitense debate. While some people argue that these risky activities should be banned. I am firmly believed it should not be banned. There are many reasons why extreme sports should not be banned. Firstly, extreme sports help local people get more job opportunitieschances. Many tourist destinationsplaces attract numerouslots of visitors who want to try skiing or skydiving. These tourists need coaches, service workers and hotel staff, so many local people can make a living. If the government stops these sports, many people will lose their jobs and local tourism will declinebecome worse. Secondly, this industry can generate more tax revenue forbring more taxes for the government. Companies and workers in extreme sports need to pay taxes every year. The government can use this money to build roads, improve public facilities and support local education, which is good for social development. It is true that banning extreme sports brings some obvious benefits. FirstlyFirst, extreme sports are very risky and likelyeasy to cause physical injuries. If these sports are banned, fewer people will get hurt in dangerous sports accidents. This can help hospitals save plenty of medical resourcesresource for other patients in need. SecondlySecond, many teenagers tend to copy dangerous extreme sports videos online. Banning extreme sports can effectively protect young people and avoid many unnecessary safety accidentsaccident. In conclusion, extreme sports have some disadvantages, such as causing injuries and influencing young people. However, they bringit brings great economic benefits for society. They provideIt provides many work opportunities and increases government tax revenueincome. Therefore, I think extreme sports should not be banned by the government.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay clearly presents a defined stance and addresses both sides of the argument with logical supporting points. Its main limitation lies in repeated grammatical errors and somewhat basic vocabulary choices throughout the body paragraphs. To improve, focus on refining complex sentence structures, correcting passive voice forms, and incorporating more sophisticated topic-specific vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear opinion throughout the essay and supports it with relevant points regarding economic benefits and safety counterarguments.
Elaborate further on how extreme sports can be regulated safely rather than completely banned to strengthen the central argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphs are logically organized around distinct central ideas, and cohesive devices are used to link sentences smoothly.
Use a wider variety of transitional phrases instead of relying heavily on basic sequence markers like 'firstly' and 'secondly'.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient to convey the main messages clearly, though word choices remain relatively basic and feature minor inaccuracies.
Incorporate more precise vocabulary and natural collocations related to safety, risk management, and the economy.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is attempted, but recurring grammatical errors appear in verb forms and clause constructions.
Review passive structure formations and relative clause accuracy to increase the proportion of error-free sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Extreme sports such as skydiving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.