For some people, the ideal holiday is to get away from their normal routine by staying in a hotel or camping in a countryside. Others prefer to stay at home and do things they do not normally have time for. What do you think are the benefits of going away on holidays?
Sample Response
Some people believe that the best holiday is when individuals relaxing at home, laying in their beds and watching TV or doing things that they usually cannot do because of lack of their time. However, I firmly believe that the most fabulous holiday is to go outside of people’s usual life and enjoy new experiences. This essay will discuss the advantages of spending holidays outside their homes. The first advantage of spending holiday outside people’s usual routine is that individuals will have new experiences and as a result, new positive emotions and feelings will emerge. For example, people can go to visit different countries such as France where they can visit Louvre or Eiffel Tower. There is no doubt that after visiting such places individuals will have an enormously positive energy for a long time. The second benefit that needs to be taken into consideration is that people can meet different people whom they did not know before and have a great conversation. For example, when individual goes outside even near the river for a camping there is a greater chance of meeting new person rather than staying at home. Therefore, individuals can communicate to each other, share their food, exchange their life experience and stories. For this reason, holidays outside people’s day-to-day routine can benefit persons in a much more positive way than spend holidays at home. To sum up, it is evident that there are different ways of spending holidays but the best way is to go away from people’s usual lifestyle. Holidays outside could benefit people in a greater way rather than staying at home.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Verb form Original: when individuals relaxing at home Suggested revision: when individuals relax at home Why it matters: The clause needs a finite verb.
- 2. Verb choice Original: laying in their beds Suggested revision: lying in their beds Why it matters: Lying is the correct intransitive verb here.
- 3. Natural phrase Original: because of lack of their time Suggested revision: because they lack time Why it matters: This is clearer and more natural.
- 4. Tone Original: the most fabulous holiday Suggested revision: the best holiday Why it matters: Fabulous is too informal and emphatic for this essay.
- 5. Unnatural phrase Original: go outside of people’s usual life Suggested revision: get away from people's usual routines Why it matters: This better reflects the prompt.
- 6. Reference Original: spending holidays outside their homes Suggested revision: spending holidays away from home Why it matters: The reference to their is unclear and slightly repetitive.
- 7. Number Original: spending holiday outside Suggested revision: spending a holiday away from home Why it matters: The singular count noun holiday needs an article.
- 8. Avoid redundancy Original: new positive emotions and feelings Suggested revision: positive emotions Why it matters: Emotions and feelings repeat the same idea.
- 9. Overstatement Original: There is no doubt that Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The claim is stronger if stated directly.
- 10. Unnatural phrase Original: an enormously positive energy Suggested revision: a strong sense of energy Why it matters: Energy is usually uncountable in this meaning.
- 11. Concise transition Original: needs to be taken into consideration Suggested revision: is Why it matters: The phrase is wordy and formulaic.
- 12. Article and number Original: when individual goes outside Suggested revision: when an individual goes outside Why it matters: A singular count noun needs an article.
Suggested Rewrites
- when individuals relaxing at home when individuals relax at home
- laying in their beds lying in their beds
- because of lack of their time because they lack time
- the most fabulous holiday the best holiday
- go outside of people’s usual life get away from people's usual routines
- spending holidays outside their homes spending holidays away from home
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response answers the question and gives two relevant benefits of going away: new experiences and meeting people. Development is rather repetitive and examples are simple.
Add more specific explanation of how each benefit improves wellbeing or personal growth.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a clear order, but the essay is one long paragraph and uses repeated phrases such as the first advantage and the second benefit. Progression would be stronger with clear paragraphing.
Use one paragraph for each benefit and make the conclusion shorter and more precise.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient but sometimes overblown or inaccurate, such as most fabulous holiday and enormously positive energy. Collocation errors reduce naturalness.
Use simpler, more precise vocabulary rather than exaggerated adjectives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are frequent errors in verb forms, articles, and singular/plural nouns. These errors are noticeable but meaning is generally clear.
Review every noun phrase for articles and plural forms, especially individual, person, holiday, and experience.