For some people, the ideal holiday is to get away from their normal routine by staying in a hotel or camping in a countryside. Others prefer to stay at home and do things they do not normally have time for. What do you think are the benefits of going away on holidays?
Sample Response
Since past years, holidays are looking forward to by many people. Whether it is going away from home or just staying at home depending on how a person perceives which one is ideal. It is believed that having a holiday vacation gives us many benefits. These will be proven by looking at how learning different cultures and acquiring a relaxing and peaceful body and mind. Firstly, knowledge about different cultures will certainly an advantage for us. For example, during my summer vacation last year, I went to Singapore, and there I learned to speak Mandarin, their major language, in just a small amount of time. I also have tasted their Singaporean cuisine such SG's Sashimi meal which I think a very different to Filipino foods. Thus, I become more knowledgeable about their culture which really benefited me. Another benefit is that a holiday can make our body and mind relaxed and peaceful. For instance, in Singapore where I spent my summer vacation, I saw the clean and green environment of the Pasiris Garden which gave me fresh air that was so relaxing. I also saw the beauty of the Marina Bay Sands and its surrounding water that was so peaceful. Thus, those new locations have given me peace and healthy mind. This shows how having a vacation is such an advantage to me. In conclusion, vacations make us more culturally knowledgeable and give us a healthy and peaceful mind. These benefited us a lot. But an ideal holiday is not always travelling away from home, perhaps we can get all these advantages by just staying at home.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Time phrase Original: Since past years Suggested revision: In recent years Why it matters: This is the natural phrase for a recent trend.
- 2. Passive form Original: holidays are looking forward to Suggested revision: holidays have been looked forward to Why it matters: The passive verb form is incorrect.
- 3. Missing verb Original: staying at home depending Suggested revision: staying at home depends Why it matters: The clause needs a finite verb.
- 4. Awkward signpost Original: These will be proven Suggested revision: This can be shown Why it matters: The original phrase sounds unnatural and overly formal.
- 5. Incomplete structure Original: how learning different cultures Suggested revision: how people can learn about different cultures Why it matters: The phrase needs a subject and verb.
- 6. Missing verb Original: will certainly an advantage Suggested revision: will certainly be an advantage Why it matters: The verb be is required.
- 7. Tense choice Original: I also have tasted Suggested revision: I also tasted Why it matters: Simple past is better for a completed holiday experience.
- 8. Wrong phrase Original: such SG's Sashimi meal Suggested revision: such as a Singaporean sashimi meal Why it matters: Such as is needed before an example.
- 9. Missing verb Original: which I think a very different Suggested revision: which I think was very different Why it matters: The clause needs a verb.
- 10. Tense consistency Original: Thus, I become Suggested revision: Thus, I became Why it matters: Past tense is needed for the completed trip.
- 11. Natural phrase Original: healthy mind Suggested revision: a healthy state of mind Why it matters: This is a more natural collocation.
- 12. Conflicting ending Original: perhaps we can get all these advantages by just staying at home Suggested revision: these benefits are often stronger when people travel away from home Why it matters: The original ending weakens the answer to the question.
Suggested Rewrites
- Since past years In recent years
- holidays are looking forward to holidays have been looked forward to
- staying at home depending staying at home depends
- These will be proven This can be shown
- how learning different cultures how people can learn about different cultures
- will certainly an advantage will certainly be an advantage
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses the benefits of going away on holiday and gives two main benefits: learning about culture and relaxation. However, development is narrow, examples are personal and repetitive, and the final sentence weakens the answer by suggesting the same benefits may come from staying at home.
Keep the answer focused on going away and explain why travel gives benefits that staying at home cannot easily provide.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a basic progression from introduction to two benefits and conclusion, but the essay is written as one block and uses repeated examples from the same trip. Cohesion is sometimes mechanical.
Use separate paragraphs for the two benefits and make each paragraph begin with a clear topic sentence.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for a simple answer, with words such as cultures, cuisine, relaxing, and peaceful. Range is limited and there are several inaccurate collocations and word forms.
Build more precise holiday vocabulary, such as escape routine, broaden cultural awareness, recover from stress, and experience new environments.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent grammar errors appear in passive forms, verb patterns, articles, and sentence structure. Meaning is generally understandable, but accuracy is below the level needed for Band 6.
Practise forming complete sentences with a clear subject and verb before adding examples.