It is generally acknowledged that families are now not as close as they used to be. Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together.
Sample Response
In the past, people mostly preferred to stay in the extended families. Today, it is observed that many individuals have their own nuclear families. In this essay, we will discuss how professional commitments forced people for opting this kind of families. To tackle this, an organisation’s role will be analysed.
To begin with, individuals focus towards their career development to a greater extent. A good illustration for this is the group of professionals who spend most of their time in their companies. As a result, they do not have much time for themselves and hence, prefer staying in small families with less contact with other members. Thus, it is obvious that they are not much involved with other family members leading to the lack of closeness with them.
To overcome this, companies can play a crucial role. The first step which a firm can take is to provide the work from home access to the employees. By doing this, they will allow their staff to spend more time with their families. The other steps which can be taken include declaring holidays on all festivals and organising family day in a company. This will allow them to spend more periods with their families and hence, can help them to recuperate their relationships.
From the above, it is clear that hectic work schedule act as a major hindrance for creating close bonds with family. Therefore, the companies should allow remote work, increase holidays and announce family days at workplaces for enforcing individuals to concentrate towards their relationships.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: stay in the extended families Suggested revision: live in extended families Why it matters: Live in extended families is the natural expression for this family arrangement.
- 2. Remove empty framing Original: it is observed that Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: Deleting this impersonal phrase leaves a clearer and fully grammatical statement.
- 3. Correct the preposition Original: towards Suggested revision: on Why it matters: The verb focus takes the preposition on in this construction.
- 4. Correct the collocation Original: for Suggested revision: of Why it matters: Illustration of is the standard collocation when introducing an example.
- 5. Use a direct subject Original: the group of professionals Suggested revision: professionals Why it matters: The plural subject directly matches the following relative clause and general claim.
- 6. Choose precise wording Original: in their companies Suggested revision: at their workplaces Why it matters: At their workplaces more accurately describes where professionals spend their time.
- 7. Use consistent terminology Original: small Suggested revision: nuclear Why it matters: Nuclear families is the more precise term already established in the introduction.
- 8. Correct degree wording Original: much Suggested revision: very Why it matters: Very, rather than much, modifies the adjective involved in this structure.
- 9. Mark the result clause Original: other family members leading Suggested revision: other family members, leading Why it matters: A comma is needed before the participial result phrase.
- 10. State the result naturally Original: the lack of closeness with them Suggested revision: weaker relationships with them Why it matters: The replacement expresses the intended deterioration in family relationships more naturally.
- 11. Remove unnecessary article Original: The other steps Suggested revision: Other steps Why it matters: No definite set of additional steps has been established, so the article is unnecessary.
- 12. Clarify the workplace action Original: declaring holidays on all festivals Suggested revision: giving employees leave for all festivals Why it matters: The replacement clearly describes the employment benefit being proposed.
Suggested Rewrites
- stay in the extended families live in extended families
- it is observed that Delete
- towards on
- for of
- the group of professionals professionals
- in their companies at their workplaces
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is clearly organised and provides practical, relevant workplace solutions, with a consistent focus on family closeness. Its main limitation is that the causes side is narrowed to one professional factor despite the request for reasons, while several awkward collocations reduce precision. The priority is to add and develop a distinct second cause, then revise unnatural phrases for more idiomatic expression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response explains one relevant cause and several workable solutions, but it does not provide the multiple reasons requested by the task.
Add a clearly distinct second reason for reduced family closeness and develop it with a specific explanation or example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphing and a logical cause-to-solution progression, though some linking is repetitive and slightly mechanical.
Use referencing and logical sentence order to carry connections, reducing repeated transition phrases such as result and conclusion markers.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary range is adequate for the topic, but several unnatural collocations and word choices limit precision and flexibility.
Replace awkward combinations with idiomatic phrases, especially when describing family structures, work arrangements, and relationships.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a mix of simple and complex forms, but recurring errors in articles, agreement, prepositions, and verb patterns remain noticeable.
Proofread each sentence for article use, subject-verb agreement, and the correct verb pattern after prepositions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is generally acknowledged that families are now not as close as they used to be. Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.