It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be. Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together.
Sample Response
In the past, every person of a family used to live together whereas now, sometimes children, father, and mother stay different places in order to study, or earn money. Although there are some reasons that act as a catalyst to separate the people from a family, I believe this tendency can be changed through taking proper actions.
Certainly, there are some causes that influence the people to detach from their household nowadays. Firstly, as earning money is one of the important for livelihoods that increases from last few years, men member of a house usually go to the outside of his own area for a job to maintain a happy lifestyle. As an example, many developing countries like India, China and Nepal don't have enough employment in the rural area; so, the village people have no choice but to endeavour the city area. Secondly, when most children finish their primary and high school education, they are now motivated by the popular university education; thus, they move to other countries or mega cities for studying. It is apparent that these changes happen due to the above reasons. People no longer prefer to live in a joint family and the number of nuclear families is increasing rapidly. The scarcity of resources, the increasing cost of life leading and decrease in family values are some of the main reasons for that.
On the other hand, some preventive measures we should take to eliminate this problem. Obviously, governments need to take a major share of responsibility if they want to change this situation. the Government can make industries, factories in the rural area, in fact, it should be ensured that every people of the state can easily obtain a suitable job in his local area. Moreover, a large number of facilities should be included in local school, college, and university so that the students will be impressed with their own education system. Furthermore, communication sectors such as mobile, the internet as well as the developed transportation system can play an important role. In case any member of a family necessitates to apart from their house they can still communicate with other members of the family. People should understand the value of family bonding and should have a positive mentality to stay together no matter what.
In conclusion, it is very consequential that people of the clan should live together because they need each other if they face any problem. This responsibility is not only to the government but also to every individual. Therefore, every person should try to keep in touch with their family.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: act as a catalyst to separate the people from a family Suggested revision: cause family members to live apart Why it matters: The original expression is awkward and does not describe family separation naturally.
- 2. Correct the preposition Original: through taking proper actions Suggested revision: by taking appropriate action Why it matters: By taking is the correct construction for expressing the means of changing the situation.
- 3. Clarify the meaning Original: influence the people to detach from their household Suggested revision: cause people to live apart from their families Why it matters: Detach from their household is an unnatural expression for living away from family.
- 4. Use the standard phrase Original: As an example Suggested revision: For example Why it matters: For example is the conventional phrase used to introduce an illustration.
- 5. Use the plural form Original: employment in the rural area Suggested revision: employment in rural areas Why it matters: The statement refers generally to rural locations, so the plural form is required.
- 6. Choose the natural noun Original: the village people Suggested revision: villagers Why it matters: Villagers is the concise and idiomatic term for people living in villages.
- 7. Correct the verb choice Original: endeavour the city area Suggested revision: move to cities Why it matters: Endeavour cannot take a destination as its object and does not express migration.
- 8. Clarify the motivation Original: motivated by the popular university education Suggested revision: drawn to well-known universities Why it matters: The original collocation is unnatural and obscures what attracts the students.
- 9. Use one word Original: mega cities Suggested revision: megacities Why it matters: Megacity is conventionally written as one word.
- 10. Use the infinitive Original: for studying Suggested revision: to study Why it matters: The infinitive is the natural form for expressing the purpose of moving.
- 11. Correct the expression Original: cost of life leading Suggested revision: cost of living Why it matters: Cost of living is the established expression for everyday expenses.
- 12. Improve the collocation Original: decrease in family values Suggested revision: decline in family values Why it matters: Decline is the natural noun used with values in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- act as a catalyst to separate the people from a family cause family members to live apart
- through taking proper actions by taking appropriate action
- influence the people to detach from their household cause people to live apart from their families
- As an example For example
- employment in the rural area employment in rural areas
- the village people villagers
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response succeeds in covering both requested parts with a clear causes-and-solutions structure and several relevant ideas. Its main limitation is frequent inaccurate grammar and word choice, which makes some explanations awkward or difficult to follow despite the generally clear message. The highest-priority improvement is to express each main idea in shorter, accurately formed sentences using natural collocations before adding further detail.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both causes and remedies are addressed with a clear viewpoint and relevant support concerning employment, education, communication, and family values.
Develop the less-explained points, especially declining family values and personal responsibility, with clearer causal reasoning and specific illustration.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a logical causes-and-solutions progression, although lengthy paragraphs, mechanical linking, and some overloaded sentences weaken cohesion.
Divide each body paragraph into more focused idea units and use referencing rather than repeated sequencing expressions to connect them.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary to discuss the topic, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices sometimes strain meaning.
Replace unnatural combinations such as endeavour the city, make industries, and people of the clan with precise, conventional expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but persistent errors with articles, agreement, sentence construction, capitalization, and punctuation reduce control.
Prioritize accurate clause boundaries and subject-verb agreement, then proofread each sentence for missing articles and prepositions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be. Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.