A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your locality. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory establishment?
Sample Response
Since the inception of civilisation, industrialisation has been a paramount requirement of growth around the world. In fact, every government has ratified certain sets of rules for establishing industries along with relevant departments to look after the policies' compliance. Like any other process industrialisation too has pros and cons, and subsequently, people have been debating over the appropriateness and formulating ways to curb its repercussions over denizens.
Firstly, institutionalising factories brings a lot of benefits for local communities. First of all, most industries require huge skilled workforce and thus, these crops up a lot of exciting and rewarding employment opportunities. This has profound positive effects on the upliftment of life standards of citizens as it accelerates the per capita income and the GDP. Apparently, successful industrialisation also spurs foreign investment. For example- the establishment of Tata Group in Jamshedpur, Jharkhand in 1909 helped the region to stride and today the region is one of the most developed regions in the country. Secondly, there are many other indirect benefits too. Any industry just does not create direct job opportunities for the people who work inside the company's premises; it also presents some jobs to people who are not qualified to work inside the company. For example, in any enterprise, we find many indirect housekeeping and canteen workers.
On the other hand, industrialisation has some minor and few potential issues too. First of all, many industries require a large piece of land and generally, it is acquired by deforestation or seizing fertile farmland. Also, companies' waste materials are generally hazardous and pollute the neighbouring environment. This leads to diseases, allergies and sometimes even epidemics. In most of the cases, the direct employees are under the highest threat. Also, the awry effects of local ecosystems cannot be ignored. Moreover, the life risk of industrial accidents over local lives cannot be disregarded. For example, today, every country is reeling under the side effects of Global Warming, a phenomenon whose onset is contributed to the discharge industrialisation waste into natural resources like water, air etc., which defines the rising temperature around the world and causing climate changes. Apparently, the proper treatment of industrial waste is a worldwide challenge.
In my opinion, industrialisation is necessary for growth, but it must be regulated. The proper measures must be in place to reduce the negative impacts of byproducts on the environment. This can be ensured by enacting strict laws to mandate the proper treatment of hazardous wastes before their discharge. On the other hand, to tackle problems like deforestation, companies must plant a certain number of trees depending upon the intensity of deforestation.
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IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct growth collocation Original: a paramount requirement of growth Suggested revision: a prerequisite for growth Why it matters: The revision uses the natural noun and preposition for something considered necessary for growth.
- 2. Use lawmaking collocation Original: ratified certain sets of rules Suggested revision: enacted rules Why it matters: Governments enact rules, while 'ratify' is generally used for treaties or formal agreements.
- 3. Clarify enforcement role Original: look after the policies' compliance Suggested revision: enforce compliance with the policies Why it matters: The revision uses the correct verb and preposition for ensuring that policies are followed.
- 4. Use establishment verb Original: institutionalising Suggested revision: establishing Why it matters: 'Establishing' directly describes creating factories, whereas 'institutionalising' has a different meaning.
- 5. Use benefit preposition Original: for Suggested revision: to Why it matters: The noun 'benefits' naturally takes 'to' when identifying recipients.
- 6. Add workforce article Original: huge skilled workforce Suggested revision: a large skilled workforce Why it matters: The singular countable noun requires an article, and 'large' is the natural size adjective.
- 7. Fix subject agreement Original: these crops up Suggested revision: this creates Why it matters: The singular requirement described in the clause needs a singular reference and verb.
- 8. Use living-standard phrase Original: upliftment of life standards Suggested revision: improvement in citizens' living standards Why it matters: The revision uses the standard collocation for better material conditions.
- 9. Correct income verb Original: accelerates the per capita income Suggested revision: raises per capita income Why it matters: Income is raised or increased rather than accelerated.
- 10. Use development verb Original: helped the region to stride Suggested revision: helped the region prosper Why it matters: 'Prosper' clearly expresses the claimed economic development.
- 11. Build not-only structure Original: Any industry just does not create Suggested revision: An industry not only creates Why it matters: The replacement forms the correct first half of the following 'it also' structure.
- 12. Use employment collocation Original: presents some jobs Suggested revision: creates jobs Why it matters: Industries create jobs rather than present them.
Suggested Rewrites
- a paramount requirement of growth a prerequisite for growth
- ratified certain sets of rules enacted rules
- look after the policies' compliance enforce compliance with the policies
- institutionalising establishing
- for to
- huge skilled workforce a large skilled workforce
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay gives a clear conditional endorsement of the factory and develops substantial benefits and drawbacks, supported by examples and practical regulation proposals. Its main limitation is that it often discusses industrialisation in broad national or global terms instead of keeping the local community central, while ambitious wording is frequently imprecise. The highest-priority improvement is to frame each argument around specific effects on nearby residents and express those effects in more natural language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The advantages, disadvantages, and a clear conditional position are all developed, although the discussion sometimes shifts from the proposed local factory to industrialisation generally.
Tie each benefit, risk, and proposed safeguard directly to the local community and its likely residents.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised into benefits, drawbacks, and a final position, with generally clear progression despite some mechanical linking and overlong development.
Use one focused main idea per paragraph and reduce repeated sequencing expressions such as 'firstly' and 'first of all'.
Lexical Resource
The writer demonstrates a wide and ambitious range, but frequent awkward collocations such as 'institutionalising factories' and 'awry effects of local ecosystems' reduce precision.
Prefer natural combinations such as 'establishing a factory', 'raise living standards', 'create jobs', and 'damage local ecosystems'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is used with reasonable control, though agreement, article, reference, and clause-construction errors recur.
Revise agreement and complex clauses, especially 'this creates opportunities' and the sentence explaining industrial waste and climate change.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your locality. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory establishment?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.