It is often said that nowadays children are undisciplined because their parents are busy with their careers. Do you agree with this opinion? What could parents do to build a sense of discipline among children?
Sample Response
Developing a sense of discipline among children is an important responsibility for parents because this can shapeas it determines a child’s future and overall social developmentsituation. However, many parents do not spendshare enough quality time with their children due to career pressure and these parents oftenthose couples, oftentimes, fail to teach their children moral values. This has undeniably led to some juvenile delinquencydelinquencies including problems with disciplineincluding disciplinary problems. I firmly believe that parents should spend more time with their offspring and teach them by examplethrough examples to reverse this situation.
To begin with, when children become disruptivewhen children in a society become disruptive, their parents are to blameare to be blamed because moral teaching comes from the family. Parents are the first teachers of their children and perhaps the most reliable ones, and they have to spend time with their children. Ideal parents teach their children good behaviour and teach them right from wrong. They also set examples so that their young children learn from them. Lessons learned from parents shape a child’s character and this is why psychologists place so much emphasis on good parentingemphasize so much on good parenting. But parents, in modern times, are too busy with their careers to perform these basic parental responsibilities which in turn make their children rowdy and undisciplined.
There is no denying that careers and social status are important but not more important than a child's future and family lifenot more than the future of a child and the family. This is why parents should maintain a balance betweenin their professional and family life. Moreover, once a child becomes unruly and unmanageable, parents willwould suffer the most. Due to the relationship between upbringing and the future of a child, fathers and mothers should instil good moral values in a child early in lifein the early stage of their life, rather than wait until it is too latenot regret when it is already too late. They can do that by strikingmaking a balance between their careers and family, and by spending more time with their children.
To conclude, many parents leave their children on their own only to miss their chance to make them ideal citizens of society. No matter how alluring the career prospects are, good parents should always make time to spend with their childrenmake time to share with their boys and girls and teach them important lessons about life, including the importance of discipline.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear position and develops a logical case linking parental availability, moral guidance, and discipline. Its main limitation is that the proposed actions—balancing work and family, spending time together, and teaching by example—are repeated rather than explored through specific practical detail. The highest-priority improvement is to extend one or two solutions with concrete explanation of how parents could apply them and why they would change children's behaviour.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers both parts with a clear position and relevant ideas, although the solutions are somewhat repetitive and generally developed.
Develop one or two proposed actions with specific practical examples and clearer explanation of how they would build discipline.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-defined paragraphs, with cohesive devices and referencing generally supporting a clear argument.
Reduce repeated points about time and moral teaching by giving each body paragraph a more distinct argumentative purpose.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently wide vocabulary conveys the argument clearly, despite occasional imprecise collocations and word choices.
Improve collocational precision in phrases concerning delinquency, parenting, and work-life balance.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex structures is used with generally good control, though some agreement, article, and preposition errors remain.
Proofread complex sentences for subject-verb agreement and more accurate article and preposition use.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is often said that nowadays children are undisciplined because their parents are busy with their careers. Do you agree with this opinion? What could parents do to build a sense of discipline among children?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.