It is often said that nowadays children are undisciplined because their parents are busy with their careers. Do you agree with this opinion? What could parents do to build a sense of discipline among children?
Sample Response
In contemporary times, there is a commonly held belief that modern-day children are undisciplined due to the career-oriented lifestyles of their parents. I partially agree with this perspective, and also believe that the lack of discipline among children is not solely attributable to parental careers. Nonetheless, parents do have an important role to play in instilling discipline in their children, and there are several measures that they can take to build a sense of discipline among their offspring.
One of the primary causes of undisciplined behaviour among children is the rise of technology and its associated distractions. Children today are exposed to an unprecedented amount of screen time, which can adversely affect their focus and concentration. Additionally, the absence of outdoor activities can lead to physical inactivity, further exacerbating the problem. Consequently, parents need to limit their children's screen time, encourage physical activity, and provide alternative sources of entertainment, such as reading books or playing board games.
Another significant factor that contributes to undisciplined behaviour is the lack of structure and routine in a child's daily life. Many parents, due to work or other commitments, may find it challenging to establish a routine that allows for consistency in a child's daily routine. As a solution, a consistent routine can help children feel secure, and safe and provide them with an understanding of what is expected of them. This can include a set time for meals, sleep, study, and playtime. Establishing routines may require some flexibility and adjustment, but the benefits of doing so are worthwhile. Finally, parents can also encourage discipline by setting clear boundaries and rules. This helps children understand what is acceptable and what is not. Parents should communicate their expectations and provide appropriate consequences when rules are broken.
In conclusion, the lack of discipline among children is a complex issue that cannot be attributed solely to the busy careers of their parents. Nonetheless, parents have a crucial role in instilling discipline in their children. By working together, parents and children can overcome these challenges, and ultimately, develop a sense of discipline that can be carried throughout their lives.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: In contemporary times Suggested revision: Today Why it matters: This concise time marker sounds more natural in an academic introduction.
- 2. Reduce redundancy Original: commonly held belief Suggested revision: widespread belief Why it matters: The replacement expresses the same idea more concisely.
- 3. Improve collocation Original: oriented Suggested revision: focused Why it matters: This is a more natural collocation for lives organised around work.
- 4. Remove incorrect comma Original: this perspective, and also believe Suggested revision: this perspective and also believe Why it matters: No comma should separate two verb phrases that share the subject I.
- 5. State cause precisely Original: the rise of technology Suggested revision: the increased use of technology Why it matters: The revision identifies children's technology use rather than technology itself as the cause.
- 6. Use precise phrasing Original: the absence of outdoor activities Suggested revision: a lack of outdoor activity Why it matters: The replacement refers more naturally to insufficient physical activity.
- 7. Clarify the reference Original: further exacerbating the problem Suggested revision: further contributing to undisciplined behaviour Why it matters: Naming the outcome removes the vague reference to the problem.
- 8. Link solution clearly Original: As a solution Suggested revision: To address this Why it matters: This link explicitly connects the proposed routine to the preceding difficulty.
- 9. Remove list comma Original: feel secure, and safe Suggested revision: feel secure and safe Why it matters: A comma is not needed between two coordinated adjectives.
- 10. Use parallel forms Original: a set time for meals, sleep, study, and playtime Suggested revision: set times for meals, sleep, study, and play Why it matters: Plural times and parallel nouns make the schedule description grammatically consistent.
- 11. Remove disruptive commas Original: these challenges, and ultimately, develop Suggested revision: these challenges and ultimately develop Why it matters: The commas incorrectly interrupt two coordinated verb phrases.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Many parents, due to work or other commitments, may find it challenging to establish a routine that allows for consistency in a child's daily routine. Suggested revision: Because of work or other commitments, many parents may find it challenging to establish a consistent daily routine for their child. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the repeated use of routine and makes the cause easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- In contemporary times Today
- commonly held belief widespread belief
- oriented focused
- this perspective, and also believe this perspective and also believe
- the rise of technology the increased use of technology
- the absence of outdoor activities a lack of outdoor activity
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear nuanced position and offers several practical, logically developed measures, with generally fluent organisation and a strong range of vocabulary and structures. Its main limitation is that the claimed partial agreement is only loosely analysed: the essay says busy careers are not the sole cause but gives limited direct evaluation of how far they contribute. Prioritise a more explicit comparison of parental career pressures with the alternative causes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both questions with a clear partial-agreement position and develops several relevant parental measures.
Explain more directly how and to what extent busy careers cause indiscipline, rather than mainly presenting alternative causes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through causes and solutions, with clear paragraphing and generally effective linking.
Give each main paragraph a sharper controlling focus, as the long third paragraph combines routine, boundaries, rules, and consequences.
Lexical Resource
A wide and generally precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion, including effective topic-specific and less common expressions.
Reduce formulaic phrasing and refine a few awkward or repetitive collocations, especially around routine and entertainment.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used with strong control, and most sentences are error-free.
Polish coordination and parallelism in phrases such as 'secure, and safe and provide' and lists of daily activities.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is often said that nowadays children are undisciplined because their parents are busy with their careers. Do you agree with this opinion? What could parents do to build a sense of discipline among children?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.