It is often said that nowadays children are undisciplined because their parents are busy with their careers. Do you agree with this opinion? What could parents do to build a sense of discipline among children?
Sample Response
TodayIn contemporary times, there is a widespread beliefcommonly held belief that modern-day children are undisciplined due to the career-focusedoriented lifestyles of their parents. I partially agree with this perspective and also believethis perspective, and also believe that the lack of discipline among children is not solely attributable to parental careers. Nonetheless, parents do have an important role to play in instilling discipline in their children, and there are several measures that they can take to build a sense of discipline among their offspring.
One of the primary causes of undisciplined behaviour among children is the increased use of technologythe rise of technology and its associated distractions. Children today are exposed to an unprecedented amount of screen time, which can adversely affect their focus and concentration. Additionally, a lack of outdoor activitythe absence of outdoor activities can lead to physical inactivity, further contributing to undisciplined behaviourfurther exacerbating the problem. Consequently, parents need to limit their children's screen time, encourage physical activity, and provide alternative sources of entertainment, such as reading books or playing board games.
Another significant factor that contributes to undisciplined behaviour is the lack of structure and routine in a child's daily life. Many parents, due to work or other commitments, may find it challenging to establish a routine that allows for consistency in a child's daily routine. To address thisAs a solution, a consistent routine can help children feel secure and safefeel secure, and safe and provide them with an understanding of what is expected of them. This can include set times for meals, sleep, study, and playa set time for meals, sleep, study, and playtime. Establishing routines may require some flexibility and adjustment, but the benefits of doing so are worthwhile. Finally, parents can also encourage discipline by setting clear boundaries and rules. This helps children understand what is acceptable and what is not. Parents should communicate their expectations and provide appropriate consequences when rules are broken.
In conclusion, the lack of discipline among children is a complex issue that cannot be attributed solely to the busy careers of their parents. Nonetheless, parents have a crucial role in instilling discipline in their children. By working together, parents and children can overcome these challenges and ultimately developthese challenges, and ultimately, develop a sense of discipline that can be carried throughout their lives.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear nuanced position and offers several practical, logically developed measures, with generally fluent organisation and a strong range of vocabulary and structures. Its main limitation is that the claimed partial agreement is only loosely analysed: the essay says busy careers are not the sole cause but gives limited direct evaluation of how far they contribute. Prioritise a more explicit comparison of parental career pressures with the alternative causes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both questions with a clear partial-agreement position and develops several relevant parental measures.
Explain more directly how and to what extent busy careers cause indiscipline, rather than mainly presenting alternative causes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through causes and solutions, with clear paragraphing and generally effective linking.
Give each main paragraph a sharper controlling focus, as the long third paragraph combines routine, boundaries, rules, and consequences.
Lexical Resource
A wide and generally precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion, including effective topic-specific and less common expressions.
Reduce formulaic phrasing and refine a few awkward or repetitive collocations, especially around routine and entertainment.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used with strong control, and most sentences are error-free.
Polish coordination and parallelism in phrases such as 'secure, and safe and provide' and lists of daily activities.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is often said that nowadays children are undisciplined because their parents are busy with their careers. Do you agree with this opinion? What could parents do to build a sense of discipline among children?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.