Every country has poor people and every country has different ways of dealing with the poor. What are some of the reasons for poverty? What can we do to help the poor?
Sample Response
It is undeniable that every nation faces the poverty problem at some point in its history and they all have their own specific ways in addressing the issue. Poverty is a pressing issue in many parts of the world and effective steps are quite important to solve this problem. The following essay will discuss some of the reasons that lie beneath the issue and some of the solutions to resolve it. For a number of reasons, poverty has become an issue in many countries in the world. Firstly, some countries have a large population of poor people due to the poor performance of the governments. For example, under the dictatorial presidentship, many people are facing starvation due to the fact they have a greedy leader who concentrates more on the personal gains than people's betterment. Secondly, certain countries are facing poverty problem due to the unfavourable geographical areas. For instance, certain countries in Africa are facing starvation problem due to the drought issue. Thirdly, some nations have poverty-stricken people in their area because many of these people are lazy and not interesting in working. Some people in developed countries are given allowance from the governments, and they misuse the fund. Instead of using the money to buy basic needs and searching for jobs, many of them just buy drugs and get drunk. This causes destitution for many people and they cannot come above the poverty line. Lack of natural resources, poor education and lack of trade facility are three major reasons many Asian countries are still poor. There are several things that United Nations and governments could do to resolve the poverty problem globally. One of them is that United Nations should give more attention to countries where political instability is the main reason people starve every day. The UN must make intense diplomatic negotiation to reunite people and make them into a free democratic country. As for countries that have unfavourable landscape, the UN could cooperate with local governments in building dams and other facilities. With the existence of UN provided facilities, it is hoped that many countries could manage their irrigation, natural resources and manpower to improve their condition. Lastly, for people who are idle and become alcoholic, the allowance for them should be stopped. Instead of giving them the money, it could be allocated for treating their addiction and for creating job opportunities for them. In conclusion, many countries have poverty issue, as they have corrupted government, no natural resources, or adverse geographical condition. There are several things that the UN and governments could do to resolve the issue, but the most important one is to change the political condition and help them utilise their own resources.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct preposition Original: in Suggested revision: of Why it matters: The noun 'ways' takes 'of' before a gerund in this construction.
- 2. Use precise wording Original: effective steps are quite important Suggested revision: effective measures are essential Why it matters: This phrasing is more precise and appropriately formal.
- 3. Improve cause phrase Original: reasons that lie beneath the issue Suggested revision: underlying causes of the issue Why it matters: This concise collocation expresses the intended meaning more naturally.
- 4. Remove generic article Original: poor performance of the governments Suggested revision: poor performance of governments Why it matters: Governments are being discussed generally, so the definite article is unnecessary.
- 5. Use natural term Original: under the dictatorial presidentship Suggested revision: under a dictatorship Why it matters: 'Dictatorship' is the standard noun for this form of government.
- 6. Fix clause link Original: due to the fact they have Suggested revision: because they have Why it matters: This replacement correctly introduces the following finite clause.
- 7. Improve collocation Original: concentrates more on the personal gains Suggested revision: focuses more on personal gain Why it matters: 'Focuses on personal gain' is the natural collocation here.
- 8. Add article Original: facing poverty problem Suggested revision: facing a poverty problem Why it matters: The singular countable noun 'problem' requires an article.
- 9. Clarify geography Original: areas Suggested revision: conditions Why it matters: Conditions, rather than areas, can be unfavourable in the intended sense.
- 10. Remove awkward noun Original: facing starvation problem Suggested revision: facing starvation Why it matters: 'Starvation' already names the problem, so the extra noun is redundant.
- 11. Use concise wording Original: due to the drought issue Suggested revision: due to drought Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the cause directly and naturally.
- 12. Use plural noun Original: allowance Suggested revision: allowances Why it matters: The plural noun is needed because multiple people receive separate payments.
Suggested Rewrites
- in of
- effective steps are quite important effective measures are essential
- reasons that lie beneath the issue underlying causes of the issue
- poor performance of the governments poor performance of governments
- under the dictatorial presidentship under a dictatorship
- due to the fact they have because they have
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is strongest in its broad, relevant coverage of both the causes of poverty and possible remedies, with several ideas supported by explanation. Its main limitation is frequent awkward wording and grammatical inaccuracy, compounded by presenting a long response without clear paragraph divisions. Prioritise organising related causes and solutions into distinct paragraphs, then revise collocations and article forms for greater precision and fluency.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both questions clearly and develops a wide range of relevant causes and solutions with examples.
Develop fewer ideas more critically and avoid broad generalisations about poor people and regions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically through causes and solutions, but the single-block presentation and mechanical sequencing weaken paragraph-level organisation.
Separate the introduction, grouped causes, grouped solutions, and conclusion into clear paragraphs with smoother internal links.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, but frequent unnatural collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Replace awkward phrases such as broad problem labels and literal verb-noun combinations with natural academic collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is attempted successfully enough for meaning to remain clear, although article, agreement, form, and preposition errors recur.
Edit systematically for articles, singular-plural agreement, and accurate verb forms in complex sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Every country has poor people and every country has different ways of dealing with the poor. What are some of the reasons for poverty? What can we do to help the poor?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.