Many people say that film stars, musicians and sports stars are highly paid whereas professionals of other important sectors are comparatively less paid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? In your opinion which types of job should be highly paid?
Sample Response
The entertainment industry has grown rapidly over the years. ArtistsThe artists are paid much moreare getting paid much more than anybody else. I strongly agree that they are getting higher wages in comparison to workers in other sectors who deserve to be highly paidother sectors which deserves to be highly paid. This essay discusses the outrageous gap between performers and other professions and gives my opinion about other jobsand opinion about other jobs which should be well paid.
To begin with, entertainers’ income does not reflect in their work. For instance, sports stars such as cricketers earn vast amounts of moneyare getting a vast amount of money for playing the sportgame regardless of their performancebesides their performance. However, the people who are spending their money in cricket for business purpose obviously are not hand over very well. So it is clear that performers' salariessalaries of performers do not match the work they dothe job they perform at all.
Secondly, artists' income can easily be compared with those of other professionalsdistinguished from other professionals. Such as, the Hollywood superstar, Angelina Julie, can easily make one million dollars by appearing in a single filmparticipating in a single movie. In contrastcontrary, this number can never be achieved by workers of other industries. Apart from these entertainers, there are other sectors that deserve to be paid morehigher for their services. For example, teachers are responsible for the education and moral development of the next generationin charge of education and moral character of next generation but are considered underpaidbut considered underpaid. The other most important and foremost professional is a doctor who saves lives and gives hope to people by serving day and night should be paid off equal to the meaningful contributions they make.
In summary, entertainers do not contribute any more thanoffer anything greater than other workers. It is recommended that people who work hard should be rewarded appropriately so that the pay gap between different occupationsgap between stipends of different jobs should not be too significant.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response answers both questions, maintains a clear view that entertainers are overpaid, and identifies teachers and doctors as deserving higher salaries. Development is uneven, however, because the case against entertainers is sometimes unclear and several grammatical and lexical errors disrupt precision. Build each argument around a clearly explained reason, then edit sentence boundaries, clause structure, and collocations so the comparisons are consistently accurate.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both the pay disparity and which jobs merit higher salaries, but some reasons are unclear or only briefly explained.
Explain why entertainers' pay is unjustified with a coherent cause-and-effect argument, then develop the social value of teachers and doctors more fully.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure gives the response a recognisable progression, although mechanical linking and a few poorly connected sentences interrupt the flow.
Use clear topic sentences and connect each example directly to the claim it is intended to support.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss pay and professions, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices often make claims imprecise.
Replace expressions such as reflect in their work, paid off equal, and stipends with standard language for earnings, contribution, and remuneration.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence forms, but frequent agreement, article, fragment, and clause-structure errors sometimes strain understanding.
Rewrite each long sentence around one complete main clause, then check subject-verb agreement, articles, and relative-clause attachment.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people say that film stars, musicians and sports stars are highly paid whereas professionals of other important sectors are comparatively less paid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? In your opinion which types of job should be highly paid?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.