Many people say that film stars, musicians and sports stars are highly paid whereas professionals of other important sectors are comparatively less paid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? In your opinion which types of job should be highly paid?
Sample Response
Nowadays, the pace of changes in the world of technology is amazing. These speedy changes lead entertainment industry to become ahead of many sectors in our lives. A fastest growing popularity of stars in different fields is a controversial topic that is discussed almost everywhere in the world. To my way of thinking, people who are getting fame in the 21st century are highly-paid workers.
In one hand, I reckon that people are equal in every aspect so as our professions. Owing to the fact that we can divide employment world into two sectors we will understand that professions that serve mass entertainment requirements and whose working process can be seen on television are highly profitable, compared to those who are working in offices for long hours. Consequently, people show them less respect. In fact, these kinds of professionals can be more beneficial for society as well as for government than those who are famous from televisions. For instance, if we compare architects salary to famous musicians or pop stars income we can vividly see a sharp difference between them. If a senior architect's whole year's income makes up approximately $70,000, a famous pop star can earn two times more money by performing in a single concert.
On another hand, a vast majority of TV stars such as movie stars or even sports icons have appropriate financial rewards that accurately suit its working standards as well as their high professionalism. For instance, Emma Watson who is a worldwide famous star should have a high income. We cannot deny the fact that high financial rewards can encourage people to improve themselves in terms of career. Some people believe that this kind of attitude will lead our entertainment industry to industrial prosperity.
In conclusion, I would like to say that after discussing both sides of argument my sentiments are on par with the idea that entertainers who are famous from the blue screen should have equal financial rewards as people working at other important sectors.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use uncountable change Original: changes Suggested revision: change Why it matters: 'Change' is normally uncountable when describing the general speed of development.
- 2. Use rapid change Original: These speedy changes Suggested revision: This rapid change Why it matters: 'Rapid change' is the more natural academic collocation and agrees with the general process described.
- 3. Add tense and article Original: lead entertainment industry Suggested revision: have led the entertainment industry Why it matters: The sentence needs present perfect for the continuing result and 'the' before the industry.
- 4. Use overtake directly Original: to become ahead of Suggested revision: to overtake Why it matters: 'Become ahead of' is not a natural English verb phrase.
- 5. Fix article and form Original: A fastest growing popularity Suggested revision: The rapidly growing popularity Why it matters: The phrase needs the definite article and an adverb modifying 'growing.'
- 6. Use concise viewpoint Original: To my way of thinking Suggested revision: In my view Why it matters: This is the standard concise phrase for introducing an opinion.
- 7. Use becoming famous Original: getting fame Suggested revision: becoming famous Why it matters: People become famous or gain fame; they do not normally 'get fame.'
- 8. Correct contrast linker Original: In one hand Suggested revision: On the one hand Why it matters: The fixed expression for the first side of a contrast is 'on the one hand.'
- 9. Complete comparison clause Original: so as our professions Suggested revision: and so are our professions Why it matters: The comparison requires a finite verb and a coordinating conjunction.
- 10. Use on television Original: famous from televisions Suggested revision: famous on television Why it matters: Public figures are described as famous 'on television,' and 'television' is uncountable here.
- 11. Use plural possessive Original: architects salary Suggested revision: architects' salaries Why it matters: The comparison refers generally to the salaries of multiple architects.
- 12. Use plural possessive Original: pop stars income Suggested revision: pop stars' incomes Why it matters: The general comparison requires both a plural possessive and a plural noun.
Suggested Rewrites
- changes change
- These speedy changes This rapid change
- lead entertainment industry have led the entertainment industry
- to become ahead of to overtake
- A fastest growing popularity The rapidly growing popularity
- To my way of thinking In my view
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response offers relevant contrasts between celebrities and other professionals and gives concrete examples to support both perspectives. Its main limitation is an insufficiently clear position: the discussion moves from favouring socially valuable professionals to defending entertainers and finally proposes equal rewards, while the second question is only partly addressed. State a consistent view early and directly identify and justify which occupations merit high pay.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the pay disparity and presents relevant ideas, but its position shifts and the occupations that should be highly paid are not directly developed.
Give a clear answer to both questions in the introduction, then support one consistent position with reasons for specific deserving professions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The broad two-sided structure is understandable, although progression is weakened by mechanical linking and unclear connections between some claims and examples.
Use accurate transitions and topic sentences that make each paragraph's claim and its supporting example explicitly connected.
Lexical Resource
There is some topic-related range, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices make the expression unnatural and occasionally obscure.
Prioritise precise combinations such as 'earn fame,' 'benefit society,' and 'receive financial rewards' instead of forcing less familiar phrases.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence structures, but frequent errors with articles, agreement, possessives, and clause formation reduce control.
Build clearer sentences around one main clause and systematically check articles, subject-verb agreement, and possessive forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people say that film stars, musicians and sports stars are highly paid whereas professionals of other important sectors are comparatively less paid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? In your opinion which types of job should be highly paid?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.