Children in some parts of the world today have less responsibility compared to children in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
In today's world, there is a growing trend of children having less responsibility compared to children in the past. Personally, I believe it is a positive development for several reasons that I shall outline in this essay.
Firstly, reducing the burden of responsibility on children allows them to focus more on their education and personal development. In the past, children had to work from a young age to support their families, which often hindered their education and limited their opportunities in life. With fewer responsibilities, children can now dedicate more time and energy to learning, exploring their interests, and developing their skills.
Additionally, having less responsibility can reduce stress and promote mental health in children. The pressures of having to work and provide for their families can take a toll on children's mental and physical health, leading to stress and burnout. By having less responsibility, children can have more time to relax, play, and enjoy their childhood, which can lead to improved mental well-being.
Furthermore, as society evolves, the responsibilities of children may shift from manual labour to more intellectual pursuits, such as technology or innovation. By reducing their workload, children can have more time to explore these new fields and potentially contribute to the advancement of society. For example, in countries like Japan and South Korea, there has been a shift towards encouraging children to pursue interests in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics (STEM) fields. This has led to the development of programmes such as coding classes and robotics clubs for children. Many children are doing excellent in these fields and getting ready for their future education and career.
In conclusion, I believe that the reduction of responsibilities on children is a positive development. It provides them with the opportunity to focus on their education, promotes mental health, and contributes to the advancement of society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural trend phrase Original: of Suggested revision: towards Why it matters: 'Trend towards' is the conventional collocation for an emerging pattern.
- 2. Make comparison concise Original: less responsibility compared to children in the past Suggested revision: fewer responsibilities than children in the past Why it matters: Use a direct comparative structure and the countable plural form for specific duties.
- 3. Use concise possession Original: mental health in children Suggested revision: children's mental health Why it matters: The possessive form is more direct and idiomatic in this context.
- 4. Vary repeated phrasing Original: By having less responsibility Suggested revision: With fewer responsibilities Why it matters: This revision avoids repeating 'having' while preserving the causal link.
- 5. Align comparison categories Original: responsibilities of children may shift from manual labour Suggested revision: children's activities may shift from manual labour Why it matters: 'Activities' can logically move from one kind of pursuit to another.
- 6. Avoid dangling modifier Original: By reducing their workload Suggested revision: With a reduced workload Why it matters: The original introductory phrase incorrectly makes children the agents who reduce their own workload.
- 7. Use accurate category noun Original: programmes Suggested revision: activities Why it matters: Classes and clubs are more accurately grouped as activities than as programmes.
- 8. Use correct word form Original: doing excellent Suggested revision: excelling Why it matters: The verb phrase requires an adverb, while 'excelling' expresses the meaning concisely.
- 9. Improve parallel phrasing Original: getting ready for their future education and career Suggested revision: preparing for further education and future careers Why it matters: The revision uses a formal verb and balances the two future pathways.
- 10. Fix noun prepositions Original: reduction of responsibilities on children Suggested revision: reduction in children's responsibilities Why it matters: A decrease is expressed as a 'reduction in' something, with the possessive identifying whose duties decrease.
Suggested Rewrites
- of towards
- less responsibility compared to children in the past fewer responsibilities than children in the past
- mental health in children children's mental health
- By having less responsibility With fewer responsibilities
- responsibilities of children may shift from manual labour children's activities may shift from manual labour
- By reducing their workload With a reduced workload
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay presents a clear, consistent view and develops three relevant benefits in a well-sequenced argument, with the education and mental-health points explained particularly effectively. Its main weakness is that the final STEM example does not fully prove that reduced responsibility causes wider social advancement, and occasional phrasing is imprecise. Make the causal link in that example more explicit and refine collocations to increase both persuasiveness and polish.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear positive position is sustained and supported by three relevant ideas, most of which are well developed.
Show more precisely how reduced responsibility leads to the STEM outcomes in the final body paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is sequenced logically in focused paragraphs, and connections between claims and explanations are consistently clear.
Use subtler paragraph openings to make the progression feel less dependent on explicit enumerating linkers.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses a flexible range of topic vocabulary with generally accurate and appropriate collocation.
Polish isolated phrases such as doing excellent and reduce repetition of less responsibility for greater precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex and simple structures are combined confidently, with most sentences accurate and easy to follow.
Check adjective-adverb forms and singular-plural choices to remove the few remaining minor errors.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Children in some parts of the world today have less responsibility compared to children in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.