Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
How much freedom a child should be granted on everyday matters is controversial. People who are against allowing boundless liberty to children believe it creates selfish individuals. Others, however, think freedom is necessary to nurture creativity, and it is essential for the upbringing of self-reliant individuals. I believe that parents should neither give absolute privilege to their children nor restrain them in every matter - there must be a balance.
On the one hand, permitting children to do whatever they want and letting them choose everything they like convinces youngsters that they can do whatever they like. It has a detrimental effect on the mental growth of children, and those children would likely become selfish adults in the future. Scientific research reveals that someone’s childhood experience has permanent effects on his or her personality and thinking pattern. This is why parents should make important decisions for their offspring and deter them from doing things that are harmful to their psychological and physical growth as well as to others.
On the other hand, many others express that if parents do not allow their children to pick certain things on their own and restrict them on everything, the children could become fragile-minded and lack confidence. If children cannot choose things they like and do not have any freedom of choice, they end up being less creative than those who were given the freedom to make their own choices and decisions.
In my opinion, parents should let their children make some choices to let them become confident. But they should not be allowed to decide every single matter lest they take that privilege for granted.
To conclude, our society needs more creative and selfless people, and that is why, we should allow freedom to our children, but there should be a boundary between this liberty and selfishness. The balance can bring the best possible results.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a precise preposition Original: on Suggested revision: regarding Why it matters: Regarding expresses the connection between freedom and everyday decisions more naturally.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: boundless liberty to children Suggested revision: unlimited freedom for children Why it matters: Freedom for children is the more natural collocation in this context.
- 3. Choose the intended noun Original: absolute privilege Suggested revision: complete freedom Why it matters: Freedom conveys permission to make choices, whereas privilege refers to a special advantage or right.
- 4. Use precise development wording Original: mental growth Suggested revision: psychological development Why it matters: Psychological development is a more precise academic term for a child's mental maturation.
- 5. Generalize with agreement Original: someone’s childhood experience has Suggested revision: childhood experiences have Why it matters: The plural form makes the general claim natural and keeps the verb in agreement.
- 6. Use the natural expression Original: thinking pattern Suggested revision: patterns of thought Why it matters: Patterns of thought is a more idiomatic expression for habitual ways of thinking.
- 7. Use a reporting verb Original: many others express that Suggested revision: others argue that Why it matters: Argue that is the natural academic reporting structure for presenting a viewpoint.
- 8. Correct the verb pattern Original: restrict them on everything Suggested revision: restrict all their choices Why it matters: Restrict takes a direct object here rather than the preposition on.
- 9. Keep the tense consistent Original: were Suggested revision: are Why it matters: The present tense is needed because the sentence makes a general comparison.
- 10. Remove the incorrect comma Original: why, we Suggested revision: why we Why it matters: A comma should not separate why from its following subject clause.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Others, however, think freedom is necessary to nurture creativity, and it is essential for the upbringing of self-reliant individuals. Suggested revision: Others, however, think freedom is necessary to nurture creativity and raise self-reliant individuals. Why it matters: The rewrite removes repetitive wording and expresses the second purpose more directly.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: On the one hand, permitting children to do whatever they want and letting them choose everything they like convinces youngsters that they can do whatever they like. Suggested revision: On the one hand, permitting children to choose everything for themselves may convince them that they can always do whatever they want. Why it matters: The rewrite removes repeated wording and makes the cause-and-effect relationship easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- on regarding
- boundless liberty to children unlimited freedom for children
- absolute privilege complete freedom
- mental growth psychological development
- someone’s childhood experience has childhood experiences have
- thinking pattern patterns of thought
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is strongest in its clear, consistent advocacy of a balanced approach and its logical discussion of how choice may shape confidence and selfishness. Its main limitation is that the second view and the proposed boundary between healthy freedom and excessive autonomy are less fully developed than the first view. The highest-priority improvement is to define that boundary through a concrete everyday example and explain why it works.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response discusses both views, presents a clear opinion throughout, and supports its main ideas with relevant reasoning.
Explain the recommended balance more concretely by distinguishing choices children can make from decisions parents should retain.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised and easy to follow, with clear progression and generally effective referencing and linking.
Integrate the short opinion paragraph more fully into the preceding discussion to reduce repetition before the conclusion.
Lexical Resource
A broad and effective vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas, although a few expressions are awkward or imprecise.
Replace strained collocations such as “absolute privilege,” “restrict them on everything,” and “allow freedom” with more natural alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with strong control, and the few errors do not impede communication.
Polish punctuation and preposition choices, particularly unnecessary commas and phrases such as “restrict them in every matter.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.