Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
This response is estimated at Band 7.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
How much freedom a child should be granted regardingon everyday matters is controversial. People who are against allowing unlimited freedom for childrenboundless liberty to children believe it creates selfish individuals. Others, however, think freedom is necessary to nurture creativity, and it is essential for the upbringing of self-reliant individuals. I believe that parents should neither give complete freedomabsolute privilege to their children nor restrain them in every matter - there must be a balance.
On the one hand, permitting children to do whatever they want and letting them choose everything they like convinces youngsters that they can do whatever they like. It has a detrimental effect on the psychological developmentmental growth of children, and those children would likely become selfish adults in the future. Scientific research reveals that childhood experiences havesomeone’s childhood experience has permanent effects on his or her personality and patterns of thoughtthinking pattern. This is why parents should make important decisions for their offspring and deter them from doing things that are harmful to their psychological and physical growth as well as to others.
On the other hand, others argue thatmany others express that if parents do not allow their children to pick certain things on their own and restrict all their choicesrestrict them on everything, the children could become fragile-minded and lack confidence. If children cannot choose things they like and do not have any freedom of choice, they end up being less creative than those who arewere given the freedom to make their own choices and decisions.
In my opinion, parents should let their children make some choices to let them become confident. But they should not be allowed to decide every single matter lest they take that privilege for granted.
To conclude, our society needs more creative and selfless people, and that is why wewhy, we should allow freedom to our children, but there should be a boundary between this liberty and selfishness. The balance can bring the best possible results.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is strongest in its clear, consistent advocacy of a balanced approach and its logical discussion of how choice may shape confidence and selfishness. Its main limitation is that the second view and the proposed boundary between healthy freedom and excessive autonomy are less fully developed than the first view. The highest-priority improvement is to define that boundary through a concrete everyday example and explain why it works.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response discusses both views, presents a clear opinion throughout, and supports its main ideas with relevant reasoning.
Explain the recommended balance more concretely by distinguishing choices children can make from decisions parents should retain.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised and easy to follow, with clear progression and generally effective referencing and linking.
Integrate the short opinion paragraph more fully into the preceding discussion to reduce repetition before the conclusion.
Lexical Resource
A broad and effective vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas, although a few expressions are awkward or imprecise.
Replace strained collocations such as “absolute privilege,” “restrict them on everything,” and “allow freedom” with more natural alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with strong control, and the few errors do not impede communication.
Polish punctuation and preposition choices, particularly unnecessary commas and phrases such as “restrict them in every matter.”