Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In today's society, the role of children in decision-making is a topic of hot debate. While some argue that giving children the freedom to make choices on everyday matters can lead to self-centeredness, others believe it is essential for their development. This essay will explore both viewpoints. In my opinion, however, they should be given some freedom to make choices but there must be a limit.
On the one hand, those who believe that children should not be permitted to make their own choices on everyday matters argue that this approach can result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. These individuals may not have a sense of responsibility towards others and may find it challenging to make necessary sacrifices for the greater good. They may lack the ability to compromise, which can lead to interpersonal conflicts.
On the other hand, some believe that it is essential for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Allowing children to have a say in things such as clothing, food, and entertainment can enhance their decision-making skills and promote independence. It can also help children develop a sense of responsibility, which is essential in adulthood. In addition, children who are allowed to make their own choices may have a better understanding of the consequences of their actions.
In my opinion, children should be given the opportunity to make their own choices on everyday matters within a reasonable limit. While children need to understand the importance of compromise and social responsibility, it is also necessary to give them some freedom to express themselves. By doing so, they will develop a sense of identity and self-confidence, which is essential for their growth.
In conclusion, while some argue that allowing children to make their own choices can lead to self-centeredness, others believe that it is essential for their development. However, I believe that children should be allowed to make their own choices within a reasonable limit to promote their decision-making skills, independence, and sense of responsibility.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use formal phrasing Original: a topic of hot debate Suggested revision: a subject of considerable debate Why it matters: This phrasing is more precise and appropriately formal for an academic essay.
- 2. Clarify the pronoun Original: they Suggested revision: children Why it matters: Naming children directly removes any possible ambiguity in the reference.
- 3. Streamline the contrast Original: but there must be a limit Suggested revision: within reasonable limits Why it matters: The replacement integrates the qualification more smoothly into the sentence.
- 4. Link ideas concisely Original: These Suggested revision: Such Why it matters: Using “such” links the reference more directly to the preceding description.
- 5. Choose precise wording Original: things Suggested revision: matters Why it matters: “Matters” is more precise and formal than the general word “things” here.
- 6. Clarify the modifier Original: which is essential in adulthood Suggested revision: an essential quality in adulthood Why it matters: The appositive phrase clearly identifies responsibility as the essential quality.
- 7. Use a stronger verb Original: have Suggested revision: gain Why it matters: “Gain” forms a more natural collocation with “understanding” in this context.
- 8. Use plural limits Original: matters within a reasonable limit Suggested revision: matters within reasonable limits Why it matters: The plural form more naturally describes boundaries applying across different everyday choices.
- 9. Match both qualities Original: which is essential for their growth Suggested revision: both of which are essential for their growth Why it matters: The relative clause refers to both identity and self-confidence, so a plural construction is needed.
- 10. Use a concluding link Original: However Suggested revision: Overall Why it matters: “Overall” more accurately signals a final synthesis than a contrast at this point.
Suggested Rewrites
- a topic of hot debate a subject of considerable debate
- they children
- but there must be a limit within reasonable limits
- These Such
- things matters
- which is essential in adulthood an essential quality in adulthood
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response's strongest feature is its clear, consistent position, supported by a balanced discussion that progresses logically through both views. Its main limitation is that the reasoning remains general and relies on assertions rather than concrete illustration, which limits depth. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each side with a specific real-world example and explain more precisely how limited choice can balance independence with social responsibility.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses both views and maintains a clear qualified opinion, but supporting ideas are mostly general rather than fully extended.
Develop each viewpoint with a specific example and explain its implications before moving to the next claim.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, although the introduction and conclusion repeat similar content.
Reduce restatement and create stronger links between the two viewpoints and the final balanced position.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied and generally precise, with effective terms such as self-centeredness, compromise, and social responsibility.
Use more varied language for recurring references to children, choices, and responsibility while preserving precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is used with strong control and only minor lapses that do not impede meaning.
Refine reference and agreement in complex sentences so that every modifying clause attaches unambiguously to its intended noun.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.