Competitiveness is a positive quality for people in most societies. How does competitiveness affect individuals? Is it a positive or negative trend?
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Sample Response
The world is changing very fast; big will not beat small anymore; it will be the fast beating the slow. These words hold true for today’s global village in which we livein which we live in a 24/7 society. In the following paragraphs, I shall discuss the effect of competitiveness on individuals. I believe that competitiveness is good, but over-competitiveness involving the use of unethical meansover-competitiveness in which one uses unethical means to reach the top is bad.
At the individual level, competitiveness provides incentives for people to improve themselves. People set goals for themselves and try to achieve them throughby hard work and perseverance. These goals are based on others’ achievementsothers achievements. They try to break records and put their hearts and souls into excellingput their heart and soul to excel in all fields. This is what keeps them going. They then become an inspirationThen they become inspiration for others who also work hard to gain recognitionwork hard for getting name and fame. If there werewas no competition, people would become lazy and there would be stagnation in their lives. This would result in unmotivateddull individuals and lackluster societies.
It is this competitiveness thatwhich is the basis for the Olympics and other such international and national events. Individual competition translates to the national and international levelstranslates to national and international level during such events. For example, when Abinav Bindra won the first individual Olympic gold medal in shooting, he not only made a name for himself but also for the whole of India. Therefore, competitiveness leads to the progress of individualsthe progress of the individuals and societysocieties as a whole.
On the other hand, it is important to realize that trying to be number one and trying to do a task well are two different things. One should not hold the delusion that one’s advancement is accomplished by crushing others. Over-competitiveness, in which a person uses unethical means to win such as taking drugs before aany sporting event to enhanceincrease performance or hurting others to win, is bad.
To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that, competitiveness is good and leads to the progress of individuals and societies but only as long as it remains healthy competitiona healthy competition. If unethical means are used or it leads to stress and others are hurt in the process, then it is bad.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear qualified position and explains how healthy competition can motivate individuals, using a relevant sporting example and a sensible contrast with unethical behaviour. Its main limitation is uneven language control, with recurring awkward collocations and grammatical lapses that reduce precision; the highest-priority improvement is to replace formulaic phrasing and proofread sentence structures, articles, possessives, and prepositions carefully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered with a clear qualified view, and the positive effects and ethical limits of competitiveness are relevantly developed.
Develop the negative side beyond unethical conduct by explaining the stated effect of stress on individuals in the body of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a logical progression from individual motivation to wider outcomes and then to the limits of excessive competition.
Reduce formulaic signposting and make the transition to the Olympic example more explicit as support for the preceding individual-level point.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary shows sufficient range for the topic, although several expressions are awkward or imprecise, such as "work hard for getting name and fame."
Use more natural collocations, for example "work hard to gain recognition," and avoid memorised phrases such as "I pen down saying."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms communicates meaning clearly, but recurring errors in articles, possessives, prepositions, and sentence construction limit accuracy.
Proofread for forms such as "others' achievements," "become an inspiration," and "at the national and international levels."