Competitiveness is a positive quality for people in most societies. How does competitiveness affect individuals? Is it a positive or negative trend?
Sample Response
The world is changing very fast; big will not beat small anymore; it will be the fast beating the slow. These words hold true for today’s global village in which we live in a 24/7 society. In the following paragraphs, I shall discuss the effect of competitiveness on individuals. I believe that competitiveness is good, but over-competitiveness in which one uses unethical means to reach the top is bad.
At the individual level, competitiveness provides incentives for people to improve themselves. People set goals for themselves and try to achieve them by hard work and perseverance. These goals are based on others achievements. They try to break records and put their heart and soul to excel in all fields. This is what keeps them going. Then they become inspiration for others who also work hard for getting name and fame. If there was no competition, people would become lazy and there would be stagnation in their lives. This would result in dull individuals and lackluster societies.
It is this competitiveness which is the basis for the Olympics and other such international and national events. Individual competition translates to national and international level during such events. For example, when Abinav Bindra won the first individual Olympic gold medal in shooting, he not only made a name for himself but also for the whole of India. Therefore, competitiveness leads to the progress of the individuals and societies as a whole.
On the other hand, it is important to realize that trying to be number one and trying to do a task well are two different things. One should not hold the delusion that one’s advancement is accomplished by crushing others. Over-competitiveness, in which a person uses unethical means to win such as taking drugs before any sporting event to increase performance or hurting others to win, is bad.
To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that, competitiveness is good and leads to the progress of individuals and societies but only as long as it remains a healthy competition. If unethical means are used or it leads to stress and others are hurt in the process, then it is bad.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove repeated preposition Original: in which we live in Suggested revision: in which we live Why it matters: Which already follows the preposition in, so the final in is redundant.
- 2. Clarify the relationship Original: over-competitiveness in which one uses unethical means Suggested revision: over-competitiveness involving the use of unethical means Why it matters: In which does not naturally describe the relationship between excessive competition and unethical conduct.
- 3. Improve the collocation Original: by Suggested revision: through Why it matters: Through more naturally expresses the means by which the goals are achieved.
- 4. Mark plural possession Original: others achievements Suggested revision: others’ achievements Why it matters: The apostrophe is required because the achievements belong to other people.
- 5. Correct the idiom Original: put their heart and soul to excel Suggested revision: put their hearts and souls into excelling Why it matters: The idiom requires into plus a gerund, with plural nouns agreeing with they.
- 6. Add the article Original: Then they become inspiration Suggested revision: They then become an inspiration Why it matters: The singular count noun inspiration requires an article in this use.
- 7. Use natural wording Original: work hard for getting name and fame Suggested revision: work hard to gain recognition Why it matters: The original phrase uses an awkward purpose construction and an informal expression.
- 8. Use the subjunctive Original: was Suggested revision: were Why it matters: Were is appropriate for this hypothetical condition.
- 9. Choose precise wording Original: dull Suggested revision: unmotivated Why it matters: Unmotivated states the intended effect of stagnation more precisely than dull.
- 10. Complete the cleft structure Original: which Suggested revision: that Why it matters: The emphatic construction It is...that requires that here.
- 11. Add article and plural Original: translates to national and international level Suggested revision: translates to the national and international levels Why it matters: The two distinct scales require the definite article and plural levels.
- 12. Use generic plural Original: the progress of the individuals Suggested revision: the progress of individuals Why it matters: The article is unnecessary when individuals is used generically.
Suggested Rewrites
- in which we live in in which we live
- over-competitiveness in which one uses unethical means over-competitiveness involving the use of unethical means
- by through
- others achievements others’ achievements
- put their heart and soul to excel put their hearts and souls into excelling
- Then they become inspiration They then become an inspiration
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear qualified position and explains how healthy competition can motivate individuals, using a relevant sporting example and a sensible contrast with unethical behaviour. Its main limitation is uneven language control, with recurring awkward collocations and grammatical lapses that reduce precision; the highest-priority improvement is to replace formulaic phrasing and proofread sentence structures, articles, possessives, and prepositions carefully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered with a clear qualified view, and the positive effects and ethical limits of competitiveness are relevantly developed.
Develop the negative side beyond unethical conduct by explaining the stated effect of stress on individuals in the body of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a logical progression from individual motivation to wider outcomes and then to the limits of excessive competition.
Reduce formulaic signposting and make the transition to the Olympic example more explicit as support for the preceding individual-level point.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary shows sufficient range for the topic, although several expressions are awkward or imprecise, such as "work hard for getting name and fame."
Use more natural collocations, for example "work hard to gain recognition," and avoid memorised phrases such as "I pen down saying."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms communicates meaning clearly, but recurring errors in articles, possessives, prepositions, and sentence construction limit accuracy.
Proofread for forms such as "others' achievements," "become an inspiration," and "at the national and international levels."
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Competitiveness is a positive quality for people in most societies. How does competitiveness affect individuals? Is it a positive or negative trend?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.