Competitiveness is a positive quality for people in most societies. How does competitiveness affect individuals? Is it a positive or negative trend?
Sample Response
People tend to be more competitive in modern society. In my view, being competitive has a major influence on many aspects of a person’s life, which can be considered both beneficial and harmful in certain situations.
A highly competitive person is often considered to be conceited and self-absorbed. Their relationships with the people around them, especially relatives or romantic partners, usually suffer as they are unwilling to compromise when a conflict occurs. Additionally, an intense level of competition in a company caused by highly competitive employees can create an unhealthy work environment. This type of environment does not promote productivity, but makes some workers feel uncomfortable working together and may bring them closer to leaving the organization in search of a better workplace.
However, being competitive can be a positive attribute in many other instances. Competitive people always strive to be better than other people, and they usually persevere until they achieve their goals. For example, a sense of rivalry can boost a student’s study performance and encourage them to work harder. People with a competitive personality are also resilient and unlikely to give up when faced with setbacks. Furthermore, many competitive people are often competing against themselves and always putting themselves in a state of constant learning so they can achieve better results.
In conclusion, being competitive may sabotage a person’s relationships with the people around them and negatively affect the workplace. However, being competitive can motivate people to work hard to reach their desired goals. I think a person should find a balance and avoid being too competitive, otherwise the consequences can be severe.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise phrasing Original: considered to be conceited Suggested revision: perceived as conceited Why it matters: Perceived as more directly describes how other people view the person.
- 2. Remove unnecessary comma Original: , but makes Suggested revision: but makes Why it matters: The coordinated verbs share the same subject, so no comma is needed before but.
- 3. Use concise wording Original: feel uncomfortable working together Suggested revision: feel uncomfortable collaborating Why it matters: Collaborating expresses the workplace activity more concisely.
- 4. Fix awkward collocation Original: bring them closer to leaving Suggested revision: prompt them to leave Why it matters: Prompt someone to leave is the natural construction for causing this response.
- 5. Avoid repetition Original: better than other people Suggested revision: better than others Why it matters: Others avoids repeating people without changing the comparison.
- 6. Use natural collocation Original: study Suggested revision: academic Why it matters: Academic performance is the standard collocation for achievement in study.
- 7. Remove redundant frequency Original: many competitive people are often Suggested revision: competitive people are often Why it matters: Many and often combine two overlapping frequency claims unnecessarily.
- 8. Use natural phrasing Original: putting themselves in a state of constant learning Suggested revision: continually seeking to learn Why it matters: The replacement conveys the ongoing learning process more naturally and concisely.
- 9. Remove redundancy Original: their desired goals Suggested revision: their goals Why it matters: Goals already denote desired outcomes, so desired is redundant.
- 10. Fix comma splice Original: too competitive, otherwise Suggested revision: too competitive; otherwise Why it matters: A semicolon correctly joins the independent clauses linked by otherwise.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Additionally, an intense level of competition in a company caused by highly competitive employees can create an unhealthy work environment. Suggested revision: Additionally, highly competitive employees can create intense competition within a company, resulting in an unhealthy work environment. Why it matters: The rewrite places the employees next to the action they cause and removes the ambiguous modifier.
Suggested Rewrites
- considered to be conceited perceived as conceited
- , but makes but makes
- feel uncomfortable working together feel uncomfortable collaborating
- bring them closer to leaving prompt them to leave
- better than other people better than others
- study academic
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response directly explains several effects of competitiveness and supports both harmful and beneficial consequences with clear, relevant examples. The argument is coherent and linguistically strong, but its final evaluation remains somewhat qualified rather than explicitly weighing which side predominates, and a few expressions are imprecise. The best improvement is to make the overall judgement sharper and connect the supporting analysis more explicitly to that judgement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are fully addressed through well-developed effects and a clear, nuanced judgement that competitiveness is beneficial only when moderated.
Strengthen the evaluation by stating more explicitly whether the trend is positive overall and why the chosen condition outweighs the drawbacks.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraph purposes, logical progression, and well-managed cohesive links that make the argument easy to follow.
Link each body paragraph's closing idea more directly to the final balanced judgement to make the progression even tighter.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, topic-appropriate, and generally precise, with only occasional awkward phrasing such as bring them closer to leaving.
Replace the few indirect expressions with more concise collocations, such as prompt employees to seek other work.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex and simple structures are used flexibly with a high level of accuracy, and minor punctuation issues do not affect clarity.
Eliminate the occasional comma splice by separating independent clauses or using a semicolon or conjunction.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Competitiveness is a positive quality for people in most societies. How does competitiveness affect individuals? Is it a positive or negative trend?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.