Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on young children. Do you agree or disagree? Write not less than 250 words.
Sample Response
The computer is considered as a wonderful invention of the modern world and somehow young people are more attracted to using computers than the older people. Like any other technology, computers have their own demerits if overused or negatively used, but I completely disagree that
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix passive pattern Original: is considered as Suggested revision: is considered Why it matters: “Consider” takes a direct complement here and does not require “as.”
- 2. Remove vague adverb Original: and somehow young people Suggested revision: , and young people Why it matters: Removing “somehow” avoids an unexplained and imprecise qualifier while adding the needed clause comma.
- 3. Remove unnecessary article Original: than the older people Suggested revision: than older people Why it matters: The general plural group does not take the definite article here.
- 4. Sentence rewrite Original: Like any other technology, computers have their own demerits if overused or negatively used, but I completely disagree that Suggested revision: Like any other technology, computers can have disadvantages when they are overused or used negatively, but I completely disagree that their everyday use has more negative than positive effects on young children. Why it matters: The rewrite completes the unfinished clause and improves the awkward repeated passive structure.
Suggested Rewrites
- is considered as is considered
- and somehow young people , and young people
- than the older people than older people
- Like any other technology, computers have their own demerits if overused or negatively used, but I completely disagree that Like any other technology, computers can have disadvantages when they are overused or used negatively, but I completely disagree that their everyday use has more negative than positive effects on young children.
Why this response received Band 2.5
The response’s only clear strength is that it introduces the topic and begins to signal disagreement. Its overriding limitation is incompleteness: at 45 words, it ends mid-sentence, provides no developed position, reasons, examples, paragraph progression, or conclusion; the highest-priority improvement is to write a complete response with a clear thesis and two fully explained arguments before attempting stylistic refinement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The topic is mentioned, but the response stops before completing its position and contains no developed answer or support.
State a complete position and develop at least two relevant reasons with explanations or examples in a full-length essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Two introductory statements are loosely connected, but the unfinished final clause prevents meaningful progression or overall organisation.
Build a complete introduction, separate body paragraphs with clear topic sentences, and a conclusion.
Lexical Resource
A small amount of relevant vocabulary is used, but the extremely short sample cannot demonstrate sufficient range or flexible control.
Develop topic-specific language for educational benefits, health risks, screen time, learning, and supervision while avoiding “considered as.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The first sentence is understandable despite an awkward construction, while the second remains grammatically incomplete.
Complete every sentence and use forms such as “is considered a valuable invention” and “young people are more attracted to computers than older people are.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on young children. Do you agree or disagree? Write not less than 250 words.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.