Some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them very much. Why do people take part in dangerous sports? Give some suggestions on how to deal with these dangers.
Sample Response
Sport is a very important thing in our life and it plays an integral role in keeping us healthy. There are many types of sports, for example, fighting sports, water sports, single and team sports. Some of these sports are dangerous like mixed martial arts and mountain climbing.
Many people prefer these dangerous sports and keep practising them regularly. I think they love to do so because they may feel a lack of confidence, so they try to maintain this point through doing these dangerous sports. Besides that, some people may have problems in dealing with others as they might be treated in an impolite and crude way, so they need to learn and practice fighting sports to be able to defend themselves. The most striking feature, in my opinion, is the stress in addition to the negative energy that many people have, they need to release their stress by practising dangerous sports as windsurf for instance.
I tend to see that, those people should be trained well by professional coaches before they start playing these to minimise any danger that may occur during this practice. Also, some restrictions should be done for these sports and they should be related to age, as the small children and young ages should be avoided from practising this kind of sports because they may still young to deal with their dangerous.
Last but not least, governments and the concerned regulatory authorities should set rules to guide and control the practising of these dangerous sports, as one of their responsibilities is to keep their citizens safe.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: Sport is a very important thing Suggested revision: Sport is very important Why it matters: Thing is vague and unnecessary in this statement.
- 2. Use plural lives Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural possessive subject requires the idiomatic plural form lives.
- 3. Refine the list Original: for example, fighting sports, water sports, single and team sports Suggested revision: including combat sports, water sports, and individual and team sports Why it matters: The revision uses standard category terms and presents the list more smoothly.
- 4. Introduce examples formally Original: dangerous like Suggested revision: dangerous, such as Why it matters: Such as introduces examples more appropriately in formal writing.
- 5. Express attraction clearly Original: prefer these dangerous sports Suggested revision: are drawn to these dangerous sports Why it matters: Are drawn to more precisely expresses people's attraction to risky activities.
- 6. Name the activity Original: love to do so Suggested revision: enjoy participating in them Why it matters: The revision avoids a vague substitute and refers clearly to the sports.
- 7. Use concise collocation Original: feel a lack of confidence Suggested revision: lack confidence Why it matters: Lack confidence is the more concise and natural expression.
- 8. Clarify the intended meaning Original: maintain this point Suggested revision: overcome this feeling Why it matters: Maintain this point does not convey the intended response to low confidence.
- 9. Use natural preposition Original: through Suggested revision: by Why it matters: By is the standard preposition for expressing the means of an action.
- 10. Use natural phrasing Original: problems in dealing with others Suggested revision: difficulty dealing with others Why it matters: Difficulty dealing with others is more concise and idiomatic.
- 11. Improve word choice Original: practice fighting sports Suggested revision: practise combat sports Why it matters: Practise is the British English verb, and combat sports is the standard term.
- 12. Remove faulty framing Original: I tend to see that, Suggested revision: I believe that Why it matters: The revision removes the unnecessary comma and introduces the recommendation directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- Sport is a very important thing Sport is very important
- life lives
- for example, fighting sports, water sports, single and team sports including combat sports, water sports, and individual and team sports
- dangerous like dangerous, such as
- prefer these dangerous sports are drawn to these dangerous sports
- love to do so enjoy participating in them
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response covers both required parts and offers several causes and practical safety measures, with clear paragraphing helping the reader follow the broad argument. However, some reasons are weakly explained or only loosely connected to dangerous sports, while frequent awkward grammar and collocation reduce precision. The priority is to develop fewer, more convincing causes and support each one with a direct explanation before presenting clearly expressed solutions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both the motivations and possible safety measures are addressed, but several ideas are insufficiently developed or not fully convincing.
Select two plausible motivations and explain the causal link between each motivation and participation in dangerous sports with a focused example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a recognizable progression from causes to solutions, although some long sentences and loose references weaken cohesion.
Separate overloaded sentences and use explicit referencing so that each supporting point connects clearly to the paragraph's central idea.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for discussing sport, risk, training, and regulation, but inaccurate collocations and word forms recur.
Use more natural combinations such as impose age restrictions and reduce the risk, checking noun and adjective forms carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex forms is attempted, but frequent errors in clauses, agreement, articles, and punctuation reduce control.
Prioritize accurate sentence boundaries and complete clause structures, especially after linking expressions and in sentences containing reasons.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them very much. Why do people take part in dangerous sports? Give some suggestions on how to deal with these dangers.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.