Discuss the reasons why people define happiness differently and how to obtain happiness?
Sample Response
The feeling of happiness is a complicated emotion that is unique to each individual. We all interpret this sentiment differently due to the vastness of our life experiences and the source of joy for a person might be hugely distinct from another person. In the following paragraphs, I will explore the questions posed by the topic in detail.
We are all aware that contentment is what humans strive for in life because it is our nature. This statement is incomplete without acknowledging that the meaning of happiness can be immensely different and something enjoyable might be taxing for another person. Although there can be various reasons for this characteristic, a key factor, that is tremendously responsible for shaping someone’s personality is their upbringing and the circumstances of their childhood. For instance, material possessions delight people who were raised, in well to do households, whereas individuals from modest backgrounds, might not be attracted to materialistic pleasures.
Furthermore, this trait in human nature facilitates the diversification of the sources of pleasure in a great way. Since the spectrum of pursuits that can be entertaining are so dissimilar, a definite path to being cheerful is hard to pinpoint. An individual’s nature and preferences significantly influence the avenues which bring elation to a person. These choices have always evolved with time and are also dependent on the kind of life someone is leading. Presently, social status and financial freedom are invariably considered appealing attributes in society and thereby deemed gratifying.
To sum up, it is a widely known fact that humans enjoy being joyful. However, the path to finding a healthy source of joy can be difficult and requires experience and maturity. Nonetheless, it is necessary to understand that physical and mental well-being is an honest approach to a fulfilling life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise noun Original: vastness Suggested revision: diversity Why it matters: Diversity more precisely expresses the range of experiences that shapes individual views.
- 2. Complete the comparison Original: hugely distinct from another person Suggested revision: very different from another person's Why it matters: The comparison needs a possessive form to refer clearly to the other person's source of joy.
- 3. Remove vague reference Original: This statement is incomplete without acknowledging that Suggested revision: This generalisation overlooks the fact that Why it matters: The revision gives the backward reference a clearer and more direct function.
- 4. Clarify the reference Original: this characteristic Suggested revision: these differences Why it matters: The plural noun points directly to the differing meanings of happiness discussed previously.
- 5. Remove wrong comma Original: a key factor, that Suggested revision: a key factor that Why it matters: A comma must not separate the noun from its defining relative clause.
- 6. Use natural collocation Original: tremendously Suggested revision: largely Why it matters: Largely responsible is the natural collocation for describing the factor's influence.
- 7. Remove subject comma Original: modest backgrounds, might Suggested revision: modest backgrounds might Why it matters: A comma must not separate the subject from its verb.
- 8. Make wording concise Original: facilitates the diversification of the sources of pleasure in a great way Suggested revision: greatly diversifies the sources of pleasure Why it matters: The revision removes a heavy nominal phrase while retaining the original meaning.
- 9. Fix agreement and meaning Original: the spectrum of pursuits that can be entertaining are so dissimilar Suggested revision: the range of entertaining pursuits is so diverse Why it matters: The singular head noun requires a singular verb, and diverse describes a range more accurately.
- 10. Use natural wording Original: avenues which bring elation to a person Suggested revision: activities that bring a person joy Why it matters: The proposed wording expresses the same idea in a more natural and concrete way.
- 11. Correct the collocation Original: an honest approach to a fulfilling life Suggested revision: a sound foundation for a fulfilling life Why it matters: Honest approach does not convey the intended idea of well-being supporting fulfilment.
- 12. Use precise adjective Original: complicated Suggested revision: complex Why it matters: Complex is the more natural adjective for an emotion shaped by many influences.
Suggested Rewrites
- vastness diversity
- hugely distinct from another person very different from another person's
- This statement is incomplete without acknowledging that This generalisation overlooks the fact that
- this characteristic these differences
- a key factor, that a key factor that
- tremendously largely
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear, generally logical discussion and uses a broad vocabulary to explain why happiness varies among individuals. Its main limitation is that the second question is answered only vaguely: possible sources of happiness are named, but the process of attaining it is not developed with concrete explanation. Prioritise a distinct, fully supported section explaining practical ways people can achieve lasting happiness.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed, but the explanation of how happiness can be obtained remains general and underdeveloped.
Develop two or three practical routes to happiness with clear explanations or examples of how each one works.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through distinct paragraphs, although some links between broad claims and supporting points are loose.
Make each paragraph's central claim explicit and connect every example directly to that claim.
Lexical Resource
A broad vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas, but several collocations sound inflated or unnatural.
Choose simpler, more precise combinations such as sources of fulfilment and materially comfortable households.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses varied complex structures successfully, while recurring comma and agreement errors reduce accuracy.
Review subject-verb agreement and remove commas that unnecessarily separate subjects, verbs, or restrictive clauses.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Discuss the reasons why people define happiness differently and how to obtain happiness?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.