Discuss the reasons why people define happiness differently and how to obtain happiness?
Sample Response
It is quite common that individuals hold different view towards happiness. I think the perception of happiness varies dramatically from one person to another as a result of the combined effect of individual characteristics and environmental factors. These elements decide the approaches adopted by people to obtain happiness.
It’s not a surprising fact that people pursue different interests and have different objectives to attain in a lifetime. Also, their objectives and interests depend on their age. An individual may have a passion for toys as a child, fashionable clothes as a teenager, a rewarding career as an adult and possibly the company of family members as an older adult. We can see that a person’s attitudes and concerns are subjected to change. For instance, following the latest fashion is appealing to young people such as purchasing trendy consumer products or changing a hairstyle. In contrast, older people are hardly bothered about what they wear or how they look.
In addition to these visible factors, there are some other factors that affect a person’s perception of happiness. These intrinsic factors include one’s characteristics, pursuits and philosophies. For example, people often perceive the value of money differently. Some people sacrifice everything for wealth, whereas others take it more lightly. They treasure family, friends, hobbies and their core values. It is also one of the reasons why people see events such as marriage, family reunion, a promotion, and so forth differently and also react differently to trouble or bad luck, for example, accidents, conflicts, divorce to name a few.
Because people are encouraged to attain their happiness, they must evaluate whether the objectives are attainable or not. High expectations for the future might bring nothing but increase levels of stress and a sense of disappointment. Setting a reachable target is a recommended alternative. Another step to be taken is setting prioritizing things in one’s life, such as money, health, growth, fame, power and relationship. It is almost impossible to attain all that are targeted. The secret is to identify the top priorities and spend your energy on those.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix number and preposition Original: different view towards happiness Suggested revision: different views on happiness Why it matters: The plural noun is required after 'different', and 'views on' is the correct construction.
- 2. Use a precise verb Original: decide Suggested revision: determine Why it matters: Determine more accurately describes how these factors shape people's approaches.
- 3. Use active phrasing Original: adopted by people Suggested revision: people adopt Why it matters: The active construction makes the noun phrase clearer and less cumbersome.
- 4. Make the opening concise Original: It’s not a surprising fact Suggested revision: It is unsurprising Why it matters: The revision states the same idea more directly and formally.
- 5. Use a natural collocation Original: objectives to attain Suggested revision: goals to pursue Why it matters: People naturally pursue goals, whereas 'attain objectives' is awkward in this construction.
- 6. Improve life-stage phrasing Original: as an older adult Suggested revision: in old age Why it matters: This gives the list a natural expression for the final life stage.
- 7. Fix the expression Original: subjected Suggested revision: subject Why it matters: The fixed expression meaning likely to change is 'be subject to change'.
- 8. Use measured wording Original: hardly bothered about Suggested revision: less concerned about Why it matters: The revision gives the comparison a more measured and academic tone.
- 9. Use an accurate category Original: visible Suggested revision: external Why it matters: External better distinguishes these influences from the intrinsic factors introduced next.
- 10. Remove redundant wording Original: some other factors Suggested revision: other factors Why it matters: Some is unnecessary because 'other factors' already introduces additional influences.
- 11. Clarify the comparison Original: take it more lightly Suggested revision: place less importance on it Why it matters: The revision states clearly how the second group values money differently.
- 12. Fix the collocation Original: attain their happiness Suggested revision: achieve happiness Why it matters: Achieve happiness is the natural collocation, and no possessive determiner is needed.
Suggested Rewrites
- different view towards happiness different views on happiness
- decide determine
- adopted by people people adopt
- It’s not a surprising fact It is unsurprising
- objectives to attain goals to pursue
- as an older adult in old age
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response explains varied conceptions of happiness through age, personal priorities, and values, and it offers practical ways to pursue it. Development is uneven, however: the reasons receive much fuller treatment than the methods, while recurring awkward collocations and grammatical slips reduce precision. Expand the practical-method section with a developed example, then proofread noun forms, verb patterns, and word combinations for more natural expression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered, with well-supported reasons for differing definitions of happiness but less fully developed advice on obtaining it.
Develop each proposed method with a clear explanation or example showing how attainable goals and prioritisation create happiness.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses clearly from sources of differing perceptions to practical methods, with logical paragraphing and generally effective linking.
Give the final paragraph a more explicit internal sequence so the two recommendations and their rationale are easier to follow.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary has sufficient range for the topic, but recurring awkward collocations such as attain happiness, reachable target, and attain all that are targeted reduce precision.
Build more natural word combinations, such as achieve happiness, realistic goal, and accomplish every objective.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences communicates meaning clearly, although errors in agreement, articles, and verb patterns occur noticeably.
Proofread constructions such as different views and prioritising things, and avoid malformed combinations like setting prioritizing.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Discuss the reasons why people define happiness differently and how to obtain happiness?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.