Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Once in a while, we have to have enjoyment through things we always like to do to escape from our stressful work, so we do have a certain hobby. However, these habitual things should not be extreme for us to enjoy, because as long as we love what we do and we can afford it, then we will get the pleasure we want to. For one, as long as we have a fondness of what we like to do regularly, we can achieve enjoyment. For instance, my hobby is reading fiction and nonfiction books such as the series novel Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling and the Pretty Little Liars series by Sara Shepard. I really love to read since I was in my preschool age and I do this every weekend or I am not busy at work in the hospital. This is not a very difficult thing to do because I am just sitting on a couch or in my bed while doing this, but I always get the pleasure I wanted. In addition to this, these books are affordable so it more added to our indulgence. For example, there are preloaded books in Burnham Bookwormers bookstore that is located in Baguio City, Philippines, in which we can purchase a second-hand book for only 10 to 20 pesos, an equivalent of half a US dollar. So it is very cheap. Whereas when we engage to extremely hard hobbies such sky-diving, cycling down a cliff or feeding a shark by our hands like others wanted to do, then we need to have a lot of money to be able to do such things, and we cannot enjoy these if we always think how much money we spent for these dangerous hobbies. In conclusion, it is always pleasurable to do activities of our great interest and at the same time economical. It does not need to be hard and risky like some would want it to have fun. So I highly recommend enjoying what you like doing as long as you can manage it economically.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural expression Original: have to have enjoyment Suggested revision: need enjoyable activities Why it matters: The original collocation is unnatural.
- 2. Precise noun Original: habitual things Suggested revision: hobbies Why it matters: Habitual things is vague.
- 3. Match the claim Original: should not be extreme Suggested revision: need not be difficult Why it matters: Difficult is the question's key concept.
- 4. Natural phrase Original: get the pleasure we want to Suggested revision: gain the enjoyment we seek Why it matters: Want to is incomplete.
- 5. Preposition Original: have a fondness of Suggested revision: have a fondness for Why it matters: Fondness takes for.
- 6. Natural noun phrase Original: series novel Harry Potter Suggested revision: Harry Potter series Why it matters: Use the established title pattern.
- 7. Present perfect Original: love to read since Suggested revision: have loved reading since Why it matters: Since requires a perfect form for a continuing state.
- 8. Time phrase Original: in my preschool age Suggested revision: preschool age Why it matters: No article or possessive preposition is needed.
- 9. Missing linker Original: every weekend or I am not busy Suggested revision: every weekend or whenever I am not busy Why it matters: Whenever expresses the intended time condition.
- 10. Tense consistency Original: the pleasure I wanted Suggested revision: the pleasure I want Why it matters: The statement describes a continuing habit.
- 11. Verb and tense Original: so it more added Suggested revision: which adds even more Why it matters: The clause needs a finite verb.
- 12. Wrong word Original: preloaded books Suggested revision: pre-owned books Why it matters: Preloaded is used for digital content.
Suggested Rewrites
- have to have enjoyment need enjoyable activities
- habitual things hobbies
- should not be extreme need not be difficult
- get the pleasure we want to gain the enjoyment we seek
- have a fondness of have a fondness for
- series novel Harry Potter Harry Potter series
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response clearly disagrees with the claim and supports that view through a detailed personal example and a contrast with costly, dangerous activities. However, it narrows 'difficult' largely to expense and risk, and the long reading example becomes more descriptive than analytical. Explain more directly why challenge is not necessary for enjoyment, balance the argument, and correct recurring tense and collocation errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear position is maintained with relevant examples, but difficulty is treated mainly as danger and cost rather than intellectual or skill-based challenge.
Explain that enjoyment can come from relaxation or interest, while acknowledging that some people enjoy mastery.
Coherence and Cohesion
The broad progression is understandable, but the essay is effectively one long paragraph and several connectors create fragments.
Use an introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion.
Lexical Resource
There is some range, but many phrases are unnatural, repetitive, or imprecise.
Use take pleasure in, have been reading since, affordable, and demanding hobbies.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent tense, preposition, agreement, and clause errors occur, though the central message remains understandable.
Check present perfect with since, condition clauses, and pronoun consistency.