What are the possible effects of living long on an individual and on the whole society? Give some examples for and against according to your knowledge.
Sample Response
Mankind since ancient times has always looked for ways to increase the length of their life span. They believe that by living a healthy life free from everyday challenges and stresses in a countryside can help them to attain long life, while few are still cracking the myth to discover water well to achieve eternal life. Longevity has its own merits and demerits both on individual and global levels which will be analysed in this essay.
There are many merits associated with longevity, such as people can share the achievements and other memorable events of their grandchildren like their marriages or birth. Some people believe that increased life span can give them a chance to complete their unfinished work which they have dreamed for. For instance, my grandfather’s long life helped him to complete his book over History of Jarcha Community which he quit working over due to increased responsibilities when he was in his 40's. Senior citizens can render valuable advice which can be fruitful for the society over time. Furthermore, their experience and knowledge can be used to educate youth which can result in marvels.
On the contrary, old people can become a burden on the family and on the government. More funds would be required to meet their medical, housing and other living expenses dispersed to them in the form of pensions and other funds. These funds are collected in the form of tax from youth. With older people in rise, we can lose their senses and their thinking can be impaired while working on key positions their decisions can be drastic for the welfare of the society. Moreover, their way of living results in conflicts with the youth which disturb the family environment and relationship. For instance, senior people don't like noise and they tend to sleep early, which give rise to conflicts when adolescent want to celebrate late night parties.
To recapitulate, the aforementioned provides some plausible argument on both views. Increase life expectancy has both positive and negative aspects associated with it and it depends on people how they take it forward.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Reorder time phrase Original: Mankind since ancient times Suggested revision: Since ancient times, mankind Why it matters: Place the time expression first so it modifies the whole clause clearly.
- 2. Match the pronoun Original: their life span Suggested revision: its lifespan Why it matters: The singular collective noun “mankind” requires the singular possessive pronoun “its.”
- 3. Use precise levels Original: both on individual and global levels Suggested revision: at both the individual and societal levels Why it matters: “Societal” accurately describes effects on society, while “global” suggests the entire world.
- 4. Fix example structure Original: such as people can share Suggested revision: because people can share Why it matters: “Such as” cannot introduce this independent clause in the current sentence structure.
- 5. Clarify life events Original: of their grandchildren like their marriages or birth Suggested revision: in their grandchildren’s lives, such as marriages or births Why it matters: People share in life events rather than sharing the achievements or events themselves.
- 6. Fix verb pattern Original: which they have dreamed for Suggested revision: that they have dreamed of completing Why it matters: The correct pattern is “dream of” followed here by a gerund that identifies the unfinished work.
- 7. Choose correct preposition Original: his book over History Suggested revision: his book on the history Why it matters: Use “a book on” to introduce its subject matter.
- 8. Correct verb phrase Original: quit working over Suggested revision: stopped working on Why it matters: “Work on” is the appropriate collocation for continuing or stopping a project.
- 9. Use natural collocation Original: render Suggested revision: offer Why it matters: English speakers normally “offer” or “give” advice rather than “render” it.
- 10. Improve word choice Original: fruitful for the society Suggested revision: beneficial to society Why it matters: “Beneficial to society” is the natural collocation for a positive social effect.
- 11. Use natural noun phrase Original: educate youth Suggested revision: educate young people Why it matters: “Young people” is clearer and more natural when referring generally to members of that age group.
- 12. Clarify the result Original: result in marvels Suggested revision: produce remarkable results Why it matters: “Result in marvels” is an unnatural and vague collocation in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- Mankind since ancient times Since ancient times, mankind
- their life span its lifespan
- both on individual and global levels at both the individual and societal levels
- such as people can share because people can share
- of their grandchildren like their marriages or birth in their grandchildren’s lives, such as marriages or births
- which they have dreamed for that they have dreamed of completing
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response covers both beneficial and adverse effects of longevity on individuals, families, and society, with relevant examples and a generally clear progression. Its main limitation is frequent imprecision in grammar and word combinations, which occasionally makes relationships between ideas difficult to follow. The highest-priority improvement is to express each claim in accurately structured sentences and use natural collocations, especially when explaining societal consequences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses positive and negative effects at individual and societal levels, supporting several relevant ideas with examples.
Develop the societal effects more precisely and end with a specific conclusion about their overall significance.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and contrast between benefits and drawbacks create broadly clear progression, although some internal links are awkward.
Clarify the logical relationship between clauses and use referencing more accurately within the drawbacks paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of topic vocabulary, but frequent unnatural collocations reduce precision.
Replace combinations such as imprecise verb-preposition pairings with natural academic collocations about longevity, taxation, and social welfare.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the main ideas, despite recurring errors in agreement, articles, and clause construction.
Prioritize accurate subject-verb agreement and complete clause boundaries when constructing longer analytical sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
What are the possible effects of living long on an individual and on the whole society? Give some examples for and against according to your knowledge.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.