What are the possible effects of living long on an individual and on the whole society? Give some examples for and against according to your knowledge.
Same question Compare 2 different answersSample Response
Advancement in medical technology, better knowledge about medical science, and the invention of the cure for deadly diseases have greatly contributed to increased life expectancy these days. Both the individual and the society have been affected by this achievement. This essay delves into the positive and negative aspects of 'longer living' on individual and the society with relevant examples.
Undeniably, death is a terrific affair to all the human and each and every individual denies to accept this inevitable event. Therefore as an individual, increased life expectancy is a benefit that they can live longer and enjoy their time on Earth. In addition, long living is a positive trend towards the development of a country. For instance, increased life expectancy contributes more to more workforces to a country and in turn, raises the productivity of the nation. Professionals like doctors, researchers, writers, political leaders and much more can contribute to the country even more in their old ages with their immense experience in life.
In contrast, increased human lifespan has some drawbacks also. Firstly, it will worsen the unemployment rate in an overpopulated country like India. Moreover, increased life expectancy might proportionally increase the dependents’ rate. For instance, it will cause an elevated number of retired people and in turn, it will be a burden to the family and society, no matter how cruel it might sound. Furthermore, society needs more funds for the medical and recreational facilities for the older generation. Finally, life in old ages is fragile and diseases attack easily and make an individual’s life miserable. For some people, a short and healthy life is more desirable than a long and suffering life. Hence increased life expectancy has some adverse effects on both the individual and the society.
Putting everything into consideration, the longer life is a positive development for the individual and the nation in terms of our desire to live long with others and to contribute to the country, whereas it will cause unemployment, dependency and sufferings also.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural noun Original: Advancement Suggested revision: Advances Why it matters: The plural count noun is needed to refer to multiple medical developments.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: about Suggested revision: of Why it matters: “Knowledge of” is the more natural collocation in this context.
- 3. Choose accurate wording Original: the invention of the cure Suggested revision: the discovery of cures Why it matters: Cures are normally discovered or developed, and the plural fits the reference to multiple diseases.
- 4. Generalise with plurals Original: Both the individual and the society have Suggested revision: Both individuals and society have Why it matters: Plural “individuals” and uncountable “society” express the general claim correctly.
- 5. Fix noun forms Original: on individual and the society Suggested revision: on individuals and society Why it matters: The general reference requires plural “individuals” and no article before “society”.
- 6. Clarify transition Original: Therefore as an individual Suggested revision: Therefore, for an individual Why it matters: A comma marks the transition, while “for” correctly introduces the affected person.
- 7. Fix clause connection Original: a benefit that Suggested revision: beneficial because Why it matters: “Because” correctly introduces the reason that longer life is beneficial.
- 8. Use precise noun Original: long living Suggested revision: longevity Why it matters: “Longevity” is the standard noun for a long lifespan.
- 9. Improve collocation Original: positive trend towards the development Suggested revision: positive contributor to the development Why it matters: A condition can contribute to development, whereas “trend towards the development” is awkward here.
- 10. Refer to people Original: and much more Suggested revision: and many others Why it matters: “Many others” correctly refers to additional professionals rather than an amount.
- 11. Use singular expression Original: in their old ages Suggested revision: in old age Why it matters: The fixed general expression is “in old age”.
- 12. Improve natural phrasing Original: with their immense experience in life Suggested revision: drawing on their extensive life experience Why it matters: This phrasing states more naturally how experience enables their contribution.
Suggested Rewrites
- Advancement Advances
- about of
- the invention of the cure the discovery of cures
- Both the individual and the society have Both individuals and society have
- on individual and the society on individuals and society
- Therefore as an individual Therefore, for an individual
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s strongest feature is its balanced coverage of benefits and drawbacks for both individuals and society, supported by a clear overall position and relevant examples. Its main limitation is that several claims remain broad or only briefly explained, while frequent unnatural word combinations and grammatical slips reduce precision. The priority is to develop fewer effects more convincingly and express them through accurate, natural sentence patterns.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses effects on both individuals and society, presents a clear view, and supports its main points with relevant examples.
Develop the causal reasoning behind key claims, especially the links between longevity, employment, productivity, and dependency.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through positive and negative effects, with clear paragraphing and generally effective signposting.
Make connections within paragraphs less mechanical by using clearer logical links between each claim and its explanation.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonably broad topic vocabulary, but recurring awkward collocations and word-form choices weaken precision.
Replace expressions such as “long living” and “old ages” with natural collocations and check noun forms and countability.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument clearly despite recurring errors with articles, agreement, plurals, and complements.
Proofread systematically for article use, singular-plural agreement, and verb patterns such as “refuse to accept.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
What are the possible effects of living long on an individual and on the whole society? Give some examples for and against according to your knowledge.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.