What are the possible effects of living long on an individual and on the whole society? Give some examples for and against according to your knowledge.
Sample Response
The survival period of the individuals has increased in the recent time. Some people believe that this trend has positive effects while others refute this claim. In this essay, both the viewpoints will be critiqued before reaching a reasoned conclusion.
On the one hand, there are groups of people who consider long life has benefits on the individuals and the society. The main reason for believing this is that the society is able to utilise the experience of the matured people for the growth of the economy of the country. Furthermore, this group of grown-ups can help the young people to take mature decisions in their personal as well as professional life. Thus, the positive implications of rising in the life span of the people on the masses and the society are clear.
On the other hand, some consider the extended life of the humans can have numerous disadvantages. One main drawback will be the swelling in the world's population since the death rate will be declined. As a consequence of this, the pressure on the local resources will be increased and still some people will not be able to receive the required resources. In addition, with the increase in the numbers of the aged population, there will also increase in the responsibilities of the young generation and thereby, affect their career and family life. Therefore, the negative impacts of the increased life period of the people are difficult to debunk.
After analysing both the views, it is felt that for the well-being of the individuals and the society, the life span should not be increased beyond a certain limit.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural term Original: survival period of the individuals Suggested revision: average lifespan Why it matters: 'Average lifespan' is the standard term for how long people live.
- 2. Use time expression Original: in the recent time Suggested revision: in recent years Why it matters: The idiomatic expression for this trend is 'in recent years'.
- 3. Avoid overstated verb Original: refute this claim Suggested revision: disagree with this view Why it matters: The sentence describes an opposing opinion rather than a demonstrated refutation.
- 4. Remove extra article Original: both the viewpoints Suggested revision: both viewpoints Why it matters: 'Both' directly determines the plural noun, so 'the' is unnecessary.
- 5. Fix verb pattern Original: consider long life has benefits on Suggested revision: consider long life beneficial to Why it matters: 'Consider' takes an object complement here, and 'beneficial' is followed by 'to'.
- 6. Use age adjective Original: matured people Suggested revision: older people Why it matters: 'Older people' refers naturally to age, whereas 'matured' suggests a completed process.
- 7. Make phrase concise Original: growth of the economy of the country Suggested revision: country's economic growth Why it matters: The possessive phrase avoids a cumbersome chain of 'of' phrases.
- 8. Use correct collocation Original: take mature decisions Suggested revision: make mature decisions Why it matters: In standard English, people 'make' decisions.
- 9. Match plural people Original: personal as well as professional life Suggested revision: personal and professional lives Why it matters: The plural 'lives' agrees with the plural group of young people.
- 10. Use noun phrase Original: rising in the life span of the people Suggested revision: increase in people's lifespans Why it matters: 'Increase in' and the possessive plural form create the required noun phrase.
- 11. Remove vague overlap Original: the masses and the society Suggested revision: individuals and society Why it matters: This wording distinguishes the two affected groups without redundant collective terms.
- 12. Use natural plural Original: extended life of the humans Suggested revision: longer human lifespans Why it matters: The replacement expresses increased longevity naturally and without an unnecessary article.
Suggested Rewrites
- survival period of the individuals average lifespan
- in the recent time in recent years
- refute this claim disagree with this view
- both the viewpoints both viewpoints
- consider long life has benefits on consider long life beneficial to
- matured people older people
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is clearly organised and offers relevant benefits and drawbacks of longer lives, including experience sharing, pressure on resources, and greater responsibilities for younger people. However, it gives limited attention to effects on the long-lived individual, relies on broad claims rather than concrete examples, and contains frequent awkward or inaccurate structures. The highest priority is to address both the individual and society directly with specific, well-explained examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Relevant positive and negative effects are discussed, but coverage of the long-lived individual is limited and examples remain general.
Develop separate, concrete effects on older individuals and on society, supported by specific examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a clear progression with focused paragraphs, although some linking is formulaic and repetitive.
Replace stock concluding linkers with precise connections that show how each example supports the paragraph claim.
Lexical Resource
There is an adequate range of topic vocabulary, but awkward collocations and repetitive phrasing reduce accuracy.
Use more natural expressions for longevity, older people, population growth, and resource pressure.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex forms are attempted and meaning is generally clear, but agreement, article, and clause-structure errors recur.
Correct verb patterns and passive forms, particularly after consider and in descriptions of demographic change.