Though women mostly take care of their children in most of the societies, men can also be as good as women in upbringing children. The parenting responsibilities should be equally divided and both father and mother should take care of their children. Write an essay expressing your point of view.
Sample Response
Parenting is an art which is mastered by a woman more than a man. A woman is more patient and understanding than a man and so I agree with the opinion that women make good parents than men but I completely disagree with the fact that, the responsibility lies more with the woman in taking care of a child.
In my point of view men and woman share equal rights and responsibilities when it comes to parenting. Woman are better parents than men as they understand their children better than anybody else can because a child spends a major portion of his childhood with his mother and so the mother has a perception on his needs and requirements.
A father though holds equal rights and responsibilities to his child as much as a mother, a father doesn't get enough time to spend with his child. Hence a father wouldn't be able to control his child and make him understand things as much as what a mother could do. It's a scientifically proven fact that a woman upon becoming a mother undergoes huge mental and physical changes. A woman becomes more tolerant patient understanding loving. And this perfectly shapes herself up for parenting and a child who has grown up with his mother respect other women in comparison to children who hasn't.
Though it's a proven point that women make better parents than men the roles and responsibilities of a child are or should be equally shared by both men and woman. Men often mistakenly consider their responsibilities over their child.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use comparative form Original: good Suggested revision: better Why it matters: A comparison with than requires the comparative adjective better.
- 2. Improve responsibility phrase Original: lies more with the woman Suggested revision: falls more heavily on women Why it matters: This is a more natural way to describe an unequal share of responsibility.
- 3. Correct viewpoint phrase Original: In my point of view Suggested revision: In my view Why it matters: In my view is the standard expression for introducing an opinion.
- 4. Use plural noun Original: woman Suggested revision: women Why it matters: Women must be plural to match men and the general reference.
- 5. Fix subject agreement Original: Woman Suggested revision: Women Why it matters: The plural verb are requires the plural subject women.
- 6. Correct collocation Original: a perception on Suggested revision: an understanding of Why it matters: Understanding of is the natural phrase for knowing a child's needs.
- 7. Remove repetition Original: his needs and requirements Suggested revision: his needs Why it matters: Needs and requirements are redundant in this context.
- 8. Clarify the link Original: Hence a father Suggested revision: Therefore, a father Why it matters: The comma makes the sentence connector easier to process.
- 9. Correct comparison structure Original: as much as what Suggested revision: as well as Why it matters: As well as correctly completes the comparison of the parents' abilities.
- 10. Use formal adjective Original: huge Suggested revision: significant Why it matters: Significant is more precise and appropriately formal here.
- 11. Improve sentence link Original: And this perfectly Suggested revision: This perfectly Why it matters: Removing the initial coordinator creates a cleaner link to the preceding claim.
- 12. Correct reflexive phrase Original: shapes herself up for parenting Suggested revision: prepares her for parenting Why it matters: Prepares her is the natural construction and avoids the incorrect reflexive form.
Suggested Rewrites
- good better
- lies more with the woman falls more heavily on women
- In my point of view In my view
- woman women
- Woman Women
- a perception on an understanding of
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response's strongest feature is its identifiable position that childcare duties should be shared, even while it argues that mothers may have particular strengths. The main limitation is that this view is developed through broad, unsupported generalizations and ends abruptly without a complete conclusion. The highest-priority improvement is to organize two balanced, evidence-based reasons around equal parental responsibility and explain each one fully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A relevant and generally clear position is presented, but its support relies heavily on unqualified claims and the final idea is incomplete.
Develop the case for equal responsibility with specific reasoning about how both parents contribute, then finish with a complete conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph sequence is broadly logical and the argument remains followable, although repetition and some overloaded sentences weaken progression.
Give each body paragraph one distinct purpose and use clearer sentence boundaries to connect supporting points.
Lexical Resource
The response shows an adequate range for discussing parenting, but recurring word-form and collocation problems reduce precision.
Correct recurring choices such as 'men and woman,' 'good parents than,' and 'a perception on' while using less repetitive parenting vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex structures communicate the main meaning, but frequent agreement, comparison, article, and punctuation errors limit control.
Prioritize subject-verb agreement, comparative forms, and punctuation in long sentences, especially around clauses beginning with 'though' and 'because.'
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Though women mostly take care of their children in most of the societies, men can also be as good as women in upbringing children. The parenting responsibilities should be equally divided and both father and mother should take care of their children. Write an essay expressing your point of view.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.