Though women mostly take care of their children in most of the societies, men can also be as good as women in upbringing children. The parenting responsibilities should be equally divided and both father and mother should take care of their children. Write an essay expressing your point of view.
Sample Response
Raising children in any society is influenced by its own values and culturetheir own value and culture. Restlessness traditional world viewer, think and see that the women are the dominant person in taking care of their children. However, in modern society, women and men as an equal to taking their part in raising up the children, as I mention too. Traditional people expect womenexhort the women to take primary responsibility for nursing and educating their children. Women playtake a crucial role in raising childrengrowing the kids until they are old enoughto being an enough older. Meanwhile, men pay more attentionthe man pays more attentions to providing material needson fulfilling goods for the family members. Men are one person with superior power in making decision and women is one person with powerless and followed that men decision. She cannot be involvedShe can not involve in voicing her opinion when making a decisionin voted her voices on taking a decision, instead, she focuses onlyotherwise, she only focus on caring for and raising childrentaking care and growing their children. Furthermore, modern people show that taking a car on their teeny people is older people want to. Both men and womenBoth of men and women have the willingness to support younger peoplesupport the younger person in becoming adultsto being a man and women. Men not only giveThe men not only giving the authorities to the women as a single fighter to provide kids needed, but he actively involved in caring foractively involved on nursing their children. To sum up, caring for and guiding childrentake car and guardian the kids not only being women's responsibilitybeing as women responsibility, but men also involved actively in younger life development. From my point of view, both of them, men and women have equal responsibility for taking care of raising up their children. Men and women have the same position in making decision on their family in helping their kids to giant better life in the future.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response gives a clear final position that mothers and fathers should share responsibility and offers a recognizable contrast between traditional and modern family roles. However, the ideas remain general and are often obscured by inaccurate vocabulary and pervasive grammar errors; the priority is to develop two clear reasons with concrete examples, using shorter and reliably formed sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A relevant position is stated and supported with some discussion of traditional and modern parenting roles, but development is limited and repetitive.
Build two distinct reasons for shared parenting and support each with a specific explanation or example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The broad movement from traditional roles to modern shared responsibility is discernible, but the single-block presentation and unclear links weaken progression.
Use separate introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, with one central idea developed in each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts some topic-specific and less common vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate word choices often cause strain or confusion.
Prioritize accurate common phrases such as raising children, making decisions, and sharing responsibility before attempting more ambitious wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some basic sentence patterns communicate the main message, but errors in agreement, verb forms, articles, and sentence construction are frequent.
Practise complete subject-verb sentences and check agreement and verb forms before adding complex clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Though women mostly take care of their children in most of the societies, men can also be as good as women in upbringing children. The parenting responsibilities should be equally divided and both father and mother should take care of their children. Write an essay expressing your point of view.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.