Some believe success in life comes from hard work, dedication, and motivation. While many believe success depends on other important factors like money and appearance. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Some argue that the combination of hard work, dedication, and motivation can lead to success in life, while others put emphasis on other significant factors, such as money and appearance. In this essay, I will discuss both perspectives. Personally, I believe that while wealth and appearance can bring success, hard work, dedication, and motivation are vital to success in life.
Some argue that money and appearance play a vital role in achieving success in life. Financial power allows an individual to take calculated challenges and strategic investments that may not be possible for those with financial instability. In addition, a striking appearance projects self-confidence, professionalism, and credibility that help to make a good impression on someone, this in turn quickly captivates positivity from all around by creating a charismatic aura. Consequently, money coupled with appearance propels individuals toward success. For example, many CEOs and celebrities mingle financial power with appearance and establish successful business ventures and careers.
Others contend that the perfect combination of hard work, dedication, and motivation exceeds all other factors in importance for success in life. Hard work ensures determined efforts, dedication involves staying committed to the task at hand, and motivation acts as the driving force that translates aspiration into tangible accomplishment despite setbacks. Together, these factors build a synergistic relationship that empowers one to take risks, seize opportunities, and pursue his goals, and thus leading to a successful life. A case in point is Serena Williams, the famous tennis player, epitomizes the perfect combination of hard work, dedication, and motivation. In an interview, she put her success down to this combination. For this reason, I put emphasis on hard work, dedication, and motivation to achieve success in life.
In conclusion, although many emphasize money and appearance to be successful in life, this essay finds that the blend of hard work, dedication, and motivation attaches more importance over anything else.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise verb Original: put emphasis on other significant factors Suggested revision: emphasise other significant factors Why it matters: The verb “emphasise” expresses this idea more directly and naturally.
- 2. Fix collocations Original: take calculated challenges and strategic investments Suggested revision: take calculated risks and make strategic investments Why it matters: English uses “take risks” and “make investments,” so each noun needs its own verb.
- 3. Improve phrasing Original: for those with financial instability Suggested revision: for those without financial security Why it matters: “Without financial security” is a more natural description of this condition.
- 4. Choose precise verb Original: projects Suggested revision: conveys Why it matters: An appearance can convey an impression, whereas “projects” is less precise here.
- 5. Natural combination Original: coupled Suggested revision: combined Why it matters: “Combined with” is the more natural phrase for linking these two factors.
- 6. Fix word choice Original: mingle financial power with appearance Suggested revision: combine financial resources with a strong appearance Why it matters: “Mingle” does not naturally describe the strategic use of these advantages.
- 7. Simplify comparison Original: exceeds all other factors in importance Suggested revision: is more important than all other factors Why it matters: The revised comparison is clearer and more idiomatic.
- 8. Fix collocation Original: ensures determined efforts Suggested revision: sustains determined effort Why it matters: Hard work can sustain effort, while “ensures determined efforts” is not a natural collocation.
- 9. Use plural nouns Original: translates aspiration into tangible accomplishment Suggested revision: translates aspirations into tangible accomplishments Why it matters: Plural nouns better express the general relationship described here.
- 10. Keep reference consistent Original: one Suggested revision: individuals Why it matters: Using “individuals” maintains a consistent plural reference in this general claim.
- 11. Match plural reference Original: his Suggested revision: their Why it matters: The possessive pronoun should agree with the plural reference to individuals.
- 12. Fix clause form Original: and thus leading Suggested revision: thus leading Why it matters: The conjunction “and” incorrectly links the finite verbs with the participial phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- put emphasis on other significant factors emphasise other significant factors
- take calculated challenges and strategic investments take calculated risks and make strategic investments
- for those with financial instability for those without financial security
- projects conveys
- coupled combined
- mingle financial power with appearance combine financial resources with a strong appearance
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay maintains a clear, nuanced position, treats both views in dedicated paragraphs, and develops the preferred explanation through definitions and a relevant Serena Williams example. Its main limitation is that the money-and-appearance argument relies on vague or forced claims and several sophisticated expressions are not fully controlled; prioritise more concrete causal evidence for that view and revise awkward collocations and sentence boundaries.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both perspectives are addressed and the preference for effort, dedication, and motivation is consistently developed, though the alternative view receives less convincing support.
Use a specific example showing how wealth creates access or appearance affects opportunity, then compare its limits directly with sustained effort.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised and progresses clearly from the alternative view to the preferred position and conclusion.
Tighten the first body paragraph by separating the appearance claim from the long explanatory sentence and linking the example more explicitly.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad and often precise, but several ambitious collocations sound unnatural or obscure the intended meaning.
Replace calculated challenges, captivates positivity, mingle financial power with appearance, and attaches more importance over with natural academic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is attempted successfully, but comma splices, faulty participle clauses, and sentence-pattern errors recur.
Correct structures such as this, in turn, creates, thereby leading, Serena Williams epitomises, and is more important than.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some believe success in life comes from hard work, dedication, and motivation. While many believe success depends on other important factors like money and appearance. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.