Some believe success in life comes from hard work, dedication, and motivation. While many believe success depends on other important factors like money and appearance. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Some argue that the combination of hard work, dedication, and motivation can lead to success in life, while others emphasise other significant factorsput emphasis on other significant factors, such as money and appearance. In this essay, I will discuss both perspectives. Personally, I believe that while wealth and appearance can bring success, hard work, dedication, and motivation are vital to success in life.
Some argue that money and appearance play a vital role in achieving success in life. Financial resources allowFinancial power allows an individual to take calculated risks and make strategic investmentstake calculated challenges and strategic investments that may not be possible for those without financial securityfor those with financial instability. In addition, a striking appearance conveysprojects self-confidence, professionalism, and credibility that help to make a good impression on someone, this in turn quickly captivates positivity from all around by creating a charismatic aura. Consequently, money combinedcoupled with appearance can help individuals achieve successpropels individuals toward success. For example, many CEOs and celebrities combine financial resources with a strong appearancemingle financial power with appearance and establish successful business ventures and careers.
Others contend that the perfect combination of hard work, dedication, and motivation is more important than all other factorsexceeds all other factors in importance for success in life. Hard work sustains determined effortensures determined efforts, dedication involves staying committed to the task at hand, and motivation acts as the driving force that translates aspirations into tangible accomplishmentstranslates aspiration into tangible accomplishment despite setbacks. Together, these factors work synergisticallybuild a synergistic relationship that empowers individualsone to take risks, seize opportunities, and pursue theirhis goals, thus leadingand thus leading to a successful life. A case in point is Serena Williams, the famous tennis player, epitomizes the perfect combination of hard work, dedication, and motivation. In an interview, she attributed her success to this combinationput her success down to this combination. For this reason, I emphasiseI put emphasis on hard work, dedication, and motivation to achieve success in life.
In conclusion, although many emphasise money and appearance as routes to success in lifeemphasize money and appearance to be successful in life, this essay finds that the blend of hard work, dedication, and motivation is more important than any other factorattaches more importance over anything else.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay maintains a clear, nuanced position, treats both views in dedicated paragraphs, and develops the preferred explanation through definitions and a relevant Serena Williams example. Its main limitation is that the money-and-appearance argument relies on vague or forced claims and several sophisticated expressions are not fully controlled; prioritise more concrete causal evidence for that view and revise awkward collocations and sentence boundaries.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both perspectives are addressed and the preference for effort, dedication, and motivation is consistently developed, though the alternative view receives less convincing support.
Use a specific example showing how wealth creates access or appearance affects opportunity, then compare its limits directly with sustained effort.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised and progresses clearly from the alternative view to the preferred position and conclusion.
Tighten the first body paragraph by separating the appearance claim from the long explanatory sentence and linking the example more explicitly.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad and often precise, but several ambitious collocations sound unnatural or obscure the intended meaning.
Replace calculated challenges, captivates positivity, mingle financial power with appearance, and attaches more importance over with natural academic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is attempted successfully, but comma splices, faulty participle clauses, and sentence-pattern errors recur.
Correct structures such as this, in turn, creates, thereby leading, Serena Williams epitomises, and is more important than.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some believe success in life comes from hard work, dedication, and motivation. While many believe success depends on other important factors like money and appearance. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.