Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
Children in this modern era have all the magnificent toys, food and many more other interesting things than in the past. They are bound to have a craving on all this stuff that they see. In other words children will be spending money on anything they want or find it interesting to them. Even some adults these days have some kind of craving to the thing they find it amazing. If financial education starts at the very beginning of the school years, this will help them to understand the value of money. Children should also be taught to manage their expenses and ways to spend wisely. When a child is being taught this in the school program, the child will be able to apply it when they are out to purchase or when they have left the school. They will not be cheated when they are young and this will not only benefit their families but also the whole country where they live when they are older.
However, there are some children that are capable of handle the their financial in a very positive way even before they learned it at school. This children would have learnt from their families or people around them. They manage money better, compared to the other children from wealthier families for whom spending is not a problem.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural description Original: all the magnificent toys Suggested revision: many appealing toys Why it matters: 'Magnificent' is exaggerated and 'all' makes the generalisation unnecessarily absolute.
- 2. Remove double modifier Original: many more other interesting things Suggested revision: many other interesting things Why it matters: 'More' and 'other' redundantly perform the same modifying role here.
- 3. Correct the preposition Original: on Suggested revision: for Why it matters: The noun 'craving' takes the preposition 'for'.
- 4. Use formal wording Original: all this stuff Suggested revision: all these things Why it matters: 'These things' agrees in number and is more suitable for an academic essay.
- 5. Punctuate linking phrase Original: In other words children Suggested revision: In other words, children Why it matters: A comma should separate the introductory linking phrase from the main clause.
- 6. Remove faulty pronouns Original: find it interesting to them Suggested revision: find interesting Why it matters: The object is already supplied by 'anything', so the extra pronouns make the clause ungrammatical.
- 7. Correct noun phrase Original: craving to the thing Suggested revision: craving for things Why it matters: 'Craving for' is the correct construction, and a general plural noun suits the claim.
- 8. Remove extra object Original: they find it amazing Suggested revision: they find amazing Why it matters: The relative clause already modifies 'things', so 'it' is unnecessary.
- 9. Use concise phrasing Original: very beginning of the school years Suggested revision: beginning of their school years Why it matters: The revision expresses the timing naturally without the vague intensifier 'very'.
- 10. Make verbs parallel Original: manage their expenses and ways to spend wisely Suggested revision: manage their expenses and spend wisely Why it matters: The coordinated items should use parallel verb forms.
- 11. Use simple passive Original: is being taught this Suggested revision: is taught this Why it matters: The simple passive describes a general educational practice more appropriately.
- 12. Improve curriculum wording Original: in the school program Suggested revision: as part of the school curriculum Why it matters: This phrase more precisely describes material included in formal education.
Suggested Rewrites
- all the magnificent toys many appealing toys
- many more other interesting things many other interesting things
- on for
- all this stuff all these things
- In other words children In other words, children
- find it interesting to them find interesting
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response offers relevant practical reasons for teaching money management and maintains a generally understandable line of thought. However, it is under length, never states or concludes a sufficiently clear degree of agreement, and leaves the counterpoint undeveloped; frequent grammatical and collocational errors also weaken clarity. Add a direct position, develop the counterargument and rebuttal, and finish with a concise conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Relevant benefits are discussed, but the response is under length, its degree of agreement remains unclear, and the brief counterpoint is not fully evaluated.
State a precise position at the outset, develop both the main justification and the concession, and reaffirm the position in a conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress in a broadly understandable order across two paragraphs, but the first paragraph is overloaded and the overall structure is incomplete.
Organise the response into an introduction, focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion, with one controlling idea in each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for discussing money and education, though repeated awkward collocations and word-form choices limit precision.
Check natural combinations such as crave something, handle finances, and find something appealing, while avoiding repetitive wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is usually recoverable, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, pronouns, word forms, and clause construction weaken accuracy.
Focus on reliable subject-verb agreement and complete sentence patterns, then proofread plurals and pronoun references.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.