Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
This response is estimated at Band 6.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
In many countries the discussion about the rising financial problems of young people has been receiving more attentiongetting more emphasis. Tough some people are voting to integrate financial education as a schooling subject.
The key problem for many young people is that they don’t know how to use and spend money in the right way. The “get what you want” mentality“get what you want mentality” is widely advertised by the mass media and it looks like some people think that paying interest chargesliving with interest fees is normal. Though financial problems among young peoplein young life are very common with the result that it is difficult to learn how to spend money appropriatelyappropriated. The main purpose of teaching financial educationThe main idea of teaching a financial subject must be to explainexplain about a balanced budget and that debt could ruinruins one’s future. But this is just one aspect that must be consideredone side that has to be considered. For me, the main question is why parentswhy the parents cannot give the right advice to their kids? To leave such a personal subject in the hands of governments and schoolsin the hands of government and school means to ignore a key responsibility of every parenta key task of any parent: to be a good role model.
Moreover it should be consideredconsiderate that the social effects of talking about money and finance in a socially diverse classroomsocially diverse school class can be harmful for some students. In my opinion it is more important to teach parents about their responsibility as role modelsresponsibilities as a role model and have them educate theirthe children about this private topic in a secure, private settingsafe and private environment.
All in all I think the main task of public institutions should be to educate about general academic subjectscommon subjects and not to give such personal advice on money managementpersonal advice like the use of money.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear preference for parental financial guidance and supports it with relevant concerns about debt, role modelling, and classroom sensitivity. Its main limitation is uneven development: the case against mandatory school provision is less fully explained than the background discussion, while frequent awkward wording and grammatical slips reduce precision. The highest priority is to state the disagreement directly in the introduction and develop each supporting reason through a clear explanation and specific example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the question and conveys a relevant position against mandatory school-based financial education, but some supporting ideas remain insufficiently developed.
State the extent of disagreement in the introduction and extend each main reason with a specific explanation or example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure provides broadly clear progression, although some linking expressions are misused and the second paragraph carries too many shifts in focus.
Give each body paragraph one controlling idea and use cohesive devices only where the logical relationship is exact.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary covers the topic adequately, with terms such as balanced budget and role model, but recurrent collocation and word-form errors reduce precision.
Replace awkward phrases with standard collocations and check adjective-adverb and verb-form choices during revision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but fragments, agreement errors, and faulty verb forms occur frequently.
Prioritise complete sentence boundaries and check every modal construction and subject-verb agreement pattern.