Parents often give children everything they ask for and do what they like. Is it good for children? What are the consequences when they grow up?
Sample Response
Parenting can be a complicated task to overcome every once in a while and sometimes the affection felt towards children can make it difficult for parents to deny the desires of their young ones. Although this might not seem like a serious issue at face value such practices can lead to the development of unhealthy habits in children. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on why over-indulgence of a child’s wants is undesirable and the potential repercussions this phenomenon can have in the future.
It is an undeniable fact that the environment that a person is raised in and the real world can be miles apart in nature. The warmth and kindness that we receive from our parents is not a standard followed by every other person outside our immediate family. Thus, when every demand of a toddler is met without any hassle, they assume that such luxuries are commonplace and ordinary, creating a dangerous illusion that can have grave consequences later on in life.
One of the most significant life lessons that an individual can learn is that every need and demand of ours has to be earned. The ordeal of being responsible for yourself without the aid of your guardians can be arduous, to say the least. That being said, if a person is raised in a household where they are not required to put in any efforts to have their craving fulfilled, it will create a virtual handicap, which will make it impossibly tough for such people to survive on their own.
In conclusion, I would like to say that it is quite understandable that denying your children can be heart-breaking. Nevertheless, parents must teach their young ones important life skills and train them to take care of themselves when the need arises.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: overcome every once in a while Suggested revision: manage at times Why it matters: A task is managed or handled rather than overcome every once in a while.
- 2. Clarify the relationship Original: the affection felt towards children Suggested revision: the affection parents feel for their children Why it matters: The revision states clearly who feels the affection and toward whom.
- 3. Use precise wording Original: deny the desires of their young ones Suggested revision: refuse their children's requests Why it matters: Parents refuse requests rather than deny children's desires.
- 4. Add introductory comma Original: at face value such practices Suggested revision: at face value, such practices Why it matters: The introductory phrase needs a comma before the main clause.
- 5. Improve the collocation Original: over-indulgence of a child’s wants Suggested revision: indulging a child’s every want Why it matters: This phrasing expresses the idea more naturally and directly.
- 6. Use concise wording Original: miles apart in nature Suggested revision: fundamentally different Why it matters: The revision gives the contrast in a more precise academic form.
- 7. Use natural expression Original: a standard followed by Suggested revision: the norm for Why it matters: Being the norm for someone is the natural expression for typical treatment.
- 8. Fix awkward possession Original: every need and demand of ours has to be earned Suggested revision: we have to earn what we need and want Why it matters: The revision avoids the awkward phrase 'demand of ours' while preserving the claim.
- 9. Show the right link Original: That being said Suggested revision: Consequently Why it matters: The sentence presents a result of the preceding point rather than a contrast.
- 10. Use singular effort Original: put in any efforts Suggested revision: make any effort Why it matters: The fixed expression is 'make an effort,' with effort normally uncountable here.
- 11. Match the plural meaning Original: craving Suggested revision: cravings Why it matters: The plural noun agrees with the repeated wants of people in general.
- 12. Use formal wording Original: impossibly tough Suggested revision: extremely difficult Why it matters: The revision is more precise and appropriately formal for an academic essay.
Suggested Rewrites
- overcome every once in a while manage at times
- the affection felt towards children the affection parents feel for their children
- deny the desires of their young ones refuse their children's requests
- at face value such practices at face value, such practices
- over-indulgence of a child’s wants indulging a child’s every want
- miles apart in nature fundamentally different
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear position and develops two logically connected consequences of overindulgence, with generally fluent organization and a good range of complex language. Its main limitation is that the consequences remain broad and somewhat asserted, while several ambitious expressions are awkward or imprecise. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen each consequence with a concrete, plausible example and use more natural collocations throughout.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers both questions with a clear negative position and two relevant consequences, although support remains fairly general.
Develop each consequence with a specific real-world example that shows how indulgence affects adult behaviour.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion.
Strengthen links between the two consequences so the argument develops cumulatively rather than as two separate assertions.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often precise, but phrases such as 'a complicated task to overcome' and 'have their craving fulfilled' are awkward.
Prioritize natural collocations and accurate word forms when using ambitious vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled with strong control, with only occasional agreement, plural, and punctuation slips.
Proofread noun forms and sentence boundaries, especially in long sentences with multiple clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Parents often give children everything they ask for and do what they like. Is it good for children? What are the consequences when they grow up?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.