Differences between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world, people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this?
Sample Response
The discrimination among nations in terms of people's lifestyle, access to information, eating habits and cultural aspects are diminishing with the effect of globalisation and widespread acceptance of technology. Some people see it as a threat to cultural identity, but I take it as a positive sign in terms of improved lifestyle and a better relationship among nations. Without a doubt, the merits of this exceed the disadvantages. To begin with, globalisation and free trade concepts, that led to the similarities among nations, were not imposed by a rich nation on the rest of the world. Rather, it was a demand of the time that has reduced the gap among countries over time. For example, someone from a developing nation, these days, can avail the same branded clothes, food, technological devices and so on a citizen in an industrialised country can have. This not only enhances the freedom of choice for people but also opens the windows of opportunity to local brands on the international stage. If countries look more similar around the globe, it means just one thing - the wealth and life standard gaps among people are declining. Moreover, the trend reduces the cultural gap among nations and help maintain world peace. Also, a growing number of people nowadays go to rich nations for study and work, and similar culture makes them adapt to a foreign country more easily. Freedom of the press and easy access to global information has accelerated this trend and there is no stopping to it. Finally, the culture and tradition of a nation change over time even without the interference of any alien influence. Hence restricting the overwhelming facilities this trend brings is not a good idea at all, especially when the world still has a huge wealth gap and animosity among nations. To conclude, the wealth and power gaps among nations may lead to conflicts, and this is why people should be treated as global citizens rather than citizens of a specific country. To make this dream come true, international brands, TV channels and other global facilities should be present in every corner of the world.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct noun Original: discrimination Suggested revision: differences Why it matters: Discrimination means unfair treatment, whereas the sentence refers to differences between countries.
- 2. Use plural noun Original: lifestyle Suggested revision: lifestyles Why it matters: The plural possessive meaning requires lifestyles here.
- 3. Improve causal phrase Original: with the effect of Suggested revision: because of Why it matters: Because of expresses the causal relationship more directly.
- 4. Use precise phrase Original: improved lifestyle Suggested revision: improved living standards Why it matters: Living standards is the established term for material quality of life across societies.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: a better relationship among nations Suggested revision: better relations among nations Why it matters: Relations among nations is the conventional expression in this context.
- 6. Use comparison verb Original: the merits of this exceed Suggested revision: the merits of this trend outweigh Why it matters: Outweigh is the appropriate verb for comparing advantages with disadvantages.
- 7. Name policies clearly Original: free trade concepts Suggested revision: free-trade policies Why it matters: Policies is more concrete and accurate than concepts for implemented trade arrangements.
- 8. Fix relative clause Original: that led to the similarities among nations Suggested revision: which have contributed to similarities among nations Why it matters: The non-defining clause needs which, and the present perfect fits an ongoing result.
- 9. Fix pronoun reference Original: it was a demand of the time Suggested revision: they emerged in response to the demands of the time Why it matters: They correctly refers to the two plural developments and creates a grammatical clause.
- 10. Correct verb use Original: avail Suggested revision: access Why it matters: Avail cannot take these goods as a direct object in this construction.
- 11. Repair comparison Original: and so on a citizen Suggested revision: and other goods that a citizen Why it matters: The revision supplies the relative link needed to compare access to the same goods.
- 12. Fix fixed expression Original: the windows of opportunity Suggested revision: windows of opportunity Why it matters: The fixed expression normally omits the definite article in this general statement.
Suggested Rewrites
- discrimination differences
- lifestyle lifestyles
- with the effect of because of
- improved lifestyle improved living standards
- a better relationship among nations better relations among nations
- the merits of this exceed the merits of this trend outweigh
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear pro-globalisation position and offers several relevant benefits, including wider consumer choice, economic opportunity, and easier cultural adaptation. However, the disadvantages are only acknowledged rather than analysed, and presenting the entire essay as one paragraph weakens its organisation. The priority is to develop a concrete disadvantage before directly comparing its significance with the stated benefits in separate paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position and several relevant advantages are developed, but the disadvantages receive almost no substantive analysis.
Develop at least one specific cultural or economic disadvantage and explicitly explain why the advantages still outweigh it.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a broadly logical internal sequence, but the absence of paragraphing obscures the essay's main stages.
Separate the introduction, contrasting considerations, main advantages, and conclusion into clearly focused paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and sufficiently flexible, although several collocations are inaccurate or unnatural.
Replace imprecise phrases such as discrimination among nations, life standard gaps, and overwhelming facilities with natural academic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is attempted successfully, but agreement, relative-clause, comparison, and preposition errors recur.
Proofread complex sentences for subject-verb agreement and complete comparative structures before finalising the response.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Differences between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world, people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.