Despite health warnings, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world. Why should we be concerned about this? What solutions would you suggest?
Sample Response
The damage of tobacco has almost known clearly through media, and internet. It pollutes the environment and carious serious healthy for not only smokers but also non-smokers. It is also a sad fact one in five teenagers take up the habit when they are as young as 11. Unfortunately, there is one interest group, the tobacco business, which is more than happy with our addiction to cigarettes which bring many profits for them. Date to date, researchers and organizations who usually give evidence damage of tobacco, which noticed that have linking between smoking and cancer, heart disease and other serious illnesses, and especially for non-smokers who called with a name on passive-smoking. One particular example for this situation: the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) release a long-awaited report on passive smoking, they resulted that Passive smoking causes 3000 deaths a year from lung cancer in the US alone. Moreover, smoking is an expensive habit, its representative huge cost for society. Government and individual have to paid for buying cigarette and treating smoking-diseases, this money may be used for better purposes such as: paying for adapt climate change methods research, helping to feed the world’s poor people. However, following give-up smokers quantity statistics in many years, they resulted that is not decrease much lower than our expectance and especially, almost people in 11-19 years old who cannot give up. The obvious answer is that cigarettes are highly addictive, so that it extremely difficult to live without them. I also absolutely agree with Vietnam government on increasing tobacco’s tax, banning cigarette advertising, forbidding smoke in public area, organizing damage of tobacco communications. If people want to quit smoke, they need to have patience, determination and their family’s support and encouragement. We live on modern society with many new dangerous ills and serious pollution environment. Solving the damage of tobacco is not only responsible of government but also individual. These actions bring fresh and bright home for our children’s children.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix passive construction Original: has almost known clearly Suggested revision: has become widely known Why it matters: The original passive form is incomplete and does not express that awareness has increased.
- 2. Add definite articles Original: through media, and internet Suggested revision: through the media and the internet Why it matters: Both established communication channels require the definite article here, and the comma is unnecessary.
- 3. Correct word forms Original: carious serious healthy Suggested revision: causes serious health problems Why it matters: The replacement corrects the misspelling and uses the noun 'health' in a meaningful phrase.
- 4. Fix paired structure Original: for not only smokers but also non-smokers Suggested revision: for both smokers and non-smokers Why it matters: 'Both ... and' creates a grammatical parallel structure after the preposition 'for'.
- 5. Add complement marker Original: a sad fact one in five Suggested revision: a sad fact that one in five Why it matters: 'That' is required to introduce the clause explaining the fact.
- 6. Fix reference and agreement Original: cigarettes which bring many profits for them Suggested revision: cigarettes, which generate substantial profits for it Why it matters: The non-defining clause needs a comma, and 'it' correctly refers to the singular tobacco business.
- 7. Fix example phrase Original: One particular example for this situation: Suggested revision: One particular example of this is Why it matters: 'An example of this' is the correct collocation and supplies a verb for the clause.
- 8. Use past tense Original: release Suggested revision: released Why it matters: The completed publication of the report requires the past-tense verb 'released'.
- 9. Fix clause connection Original: smoking, they resulted that Suggested revision: smoking; it concluded that Why it matters: A semicolon repairs the comma splice, and 'it' clearly refers to the EPA report.
- 10. Correct verb phrase Original: its representative huge cost Suggested revision: it represents a huge cost Why it matters: The clause needs the verb 'represents' rather than the adjective 'representative'.
- 11. Add linking verb Original: so that it extremely difficult Suggested revision: so it is extremely difficult Why it matters: The clause requires the linking verb 'is', while 'that' is unnecessary after 'so' here.
- 12. Use adjective and article Original: Vietnam government Suggested revision: the Vietnamese government Why it matters: The country name must become an adjective, and the specific government requires 'the'.
Suggested Rewrites
- has almost known clearly has become widely known
- through media, and internet through the media and the internet
- carious serious healthy causes serious health problems
- for not only smokers but also non-smokers for both smokers and non-smokers
- a sad fact one in five a sad fact that one in five
- cigarettes which bring many profits for them cigarettes, which generate substantial profits for it
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response identifies several valid reasons for concern and proposes both government and individual action, so both parts of the task are recognisable. Its main limitation is pervasive grammatical and word-choice error, compounded by a single unstructured paragraph, which repeatedly makes relationships between ideas difficult to follow. The priority is to organise the two answers into separate paragraphs and express each point in shorter, accurately formed sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed through health, social-cost, policy, and personal-support ideas, although several points are unclear or insufficiently explained.
Select two main concerns and two solutions, then develop each with a clear explanation of how it affects smoking rates or society.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a broadly traceable movement from harms to addiction and solutions, but the single paragraph and faulty linking weaken progression substantially.
Use an introduction, separate concern and solution paragraphs, and a conclusion, with one controlling idea in each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but frequent spelling, word-form, and collocation errors often reduce precision.
Prioritise accurate common phrases such as 'health risks', 'the cost to society', and 'quit smoking' before attempting less familiar expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some simple and complex meanings are communicated, but frequent errors in sentence structure, agreement, articles, and verb forms cause regular difficulty.
Build shorter sentences around clear subject-verb patterns, then check every verb tense, agreement ending, and article systematically.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Despite health warnings, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world. Why should we be concerned about this? What solutions would you suggest?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.