Despite health warnings, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world. Why should we be concerned about this? What solutions would you suggest?
Sample Response
Smoking is an expensive habit which pollutes the environment and carries serious health risk, yet a third of the men in the world smoke. It is also a sad fact that one in five teenagers take up the habit when they are as young as 11. Of course, there is one interest group, the tobacco industry, which is more than happy with this situation, since its profits depend on our addiction to cigarettes.
These statistics are particularly depressing because the link between smoking and cancer, heart disease and other serious illnesses has been known for many years. We must also remember that apart from harming the individual, smoking represents a huge cost to society. The money we spend on treating smoking-related disease could be used for much better purposes, such as helping to feed the world’s poor or paying for medical research.
So why, despite all the evidence, do people still smoke? The obvious answer is that cigarettes are highly addictive, so that it can be extremely difficult to give up. Another answer is the power of peer pressure, especially amongst young people. In my view, the most important thing is to discourage people from starting to smoke, and we could do this be increasing the tax on tobacco and banning cigarette advertising. I also feel that people who want to quit should be given as much advice and support as possible.
In conclusion, I believe that we should do everything we can to reduce the number of smokers in society. However, it is not enough to provide information about health risks, we also need to use a variety of strategies to tackle the problem.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural noun Original: disease Suggested revision: diseases Why it matters: The reference covers multiple illnesses, so the plural form is more accurate.
- 2. Use precise formal wording Original: much better purposes Suggested revision: more beneficial purposes Why it matters: More beneficial is more precise and formal than much better here.
- 3. Refine transition Original: So why, despite all the evidence Suggested revision: Why, then, despite all the evidence Why it matters: Then provides a more precise logical transition from the preceding evidence.
- 4. Clarify reference Original: so that it can be extremely difficult to give up Suggested revision: which can make quitting extremely difficult Why it matters: The revision removes the vague pronoun and makes the result relationship clear.
- 5. Use concise phrasing Original: Another answer is the power of peer pressure Suggested revision: Another factor is peer pressure Why it matters: Factor expresses the cause more directly and avoids unnecessary wording.
- 6. Correct preposition Original: be Suggested revision: by Why it matters: By is required to introduce the method used.
- 7. Use natural tax phrasing Original: the tax on tobacco Suggested revision: taxes on tobacco Why it matters: The plural form naturally refers to taxation measures in general.
- 8. Fix comma splice Original: health risks, we also need Suggested revision: health risks; we also need Why it matters: A semicolon correctly joins the two independent clauses.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: Smoking is an expensive habit which pollutes the environment and carries serious health risk, yet a third of the men in the world smoke. Suggested revision: Smoking is an expensive habit that pollutes the environment and carries serious health risks, yet one-third of men worldwide smoke. Why it matters: The revision corrects the noun form and expresses the proportion more concisely.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: It is also a sad fact that one in five teenagers take up the habit when they are as young as 11. Suggested revision: It is also concerning that one in five teenagers takes up the habit at ages as young as 11. Why it matters: The revision fixes subject–verb agreement and clarifies the age expression.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Of course, there is one interest group, the tobacco industry, which is more than happy with this situation, since its profits depend on our addiction to cigarettes. Suggested revision: The tobacco industry, however, benefits from this situation because its profits depend on addiction to cigarettes. Why it matters: The revision removes conversational wording and presents the relationship more directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- disease diseases
- much better purposes more beneficial purposes
- So why, despite all the evidence Why, then, despite all the evidence
- so that it can be extremely difficult to give up which can make quitting extremely difficult
- Another answer is the power of peer pressure Another factor is peer pressure
- be by
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is fluent, well organised, and particularly effective in explaining the health and social costs that make smoking a serious concern. The main limitation is that substantial space is devoted to why people smoke, while the proposed solutions receive comparatively brief development. The highest-priority improvement is to replace that tangential explanation with fuller detail about implementation, enforcement, and the likely effects of each suggested measure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both required parts are addressed with relevant ideas, but the unrequested discussion of causes limits the development of solutions.
Use the third paragraph to explain how taxation, advertising restrictions, and cessation support would be implemented and effective.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has clear overall progression and cohesive paragraphing, although one paragraph shifts from causes to solutions without a fully focused controlling idea.
Give causes and solutions separate paragraph roles, or omit the causes so each paragraph advances an explicit task requirement.
Lexical Resource
A broad and precise vocabulary conveys health, economic, and policy ideas naturally, with only minor lapses.
Maintain this range while checking small collocational and form choices such as singular versus plural risk expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex sentences are handled with strong control, though a few noticeable errors occur in agreement, prepositions, and punctuation.
Proofread for isolated slips such as subject-verb agreement, by versus be, and comma splices between independent clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Despite health warnings, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world. Why should we be concerned about this? What solutions would you suggest?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.