Despite health warnings, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world. Why should we be concerned about this? What solutions would you suggest?
Sample Response
Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It is sad, yet undeniably true, that millions -no billions- of people worldwide continue to smoke although the precautions of health damage is crystally clear shown on each packet’s cover. Unfortunately, most smokers are completely aware of the hazardous effects smoking bring to their health yet it is considered a ‘mission impossible’ to quit this shameful habit. The answer lies in one word- addiction!
It is well know that the mortality rate is skyrocketing every year as a result of larger number of people smoking. One of the most prominent reasons why this is considered a major threat is because the GDP of our country is more likely to decline. In detail, when a person inhales the toxic fumes of a cigarette, fatal substances like nicotine and tar can lead to high blood pressure and lung cancer, respectively. Consequently, physical, mental and behavioral health will be aberrated, unlike a normal person. Sadly, employees and workers will not be as productive as they were.
Moreover, these health problems indeed require medical treatments for cure which is in most situations very expensive in extreme cases. This amount of money would have been used in better investments such as clothing and sheltering the poor individuals. Also, smokers have a higher chance to face death as the cardiovascular diseases caused by smoking in the number one death contributor in our country. Not only will this negatively affect a family by facing depression issues, but it will also cause valuable souls with talents needed by society to be lost.
All in all, I believe that the government should lend a helping hand and aid our nation to quit smoking by putting a “no smoking” sign in all the indoor regions aw well as the places which are mostly crowded with people. I have an unwavering faith that on the long run when hazards of smoking begin to arise in a body, smokers will realize how much damage they did to their selves which will make them raise awareness to their children and grandchildren when growing up to never start smokin
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Punctuate correction Original: millions -no billions- Suggested revision: millions—no, billions— Why it matters: Dashes and a comma are needed to mark the writer's self-correction clearly.
- 2. Use accurate phrase Original: precautions of health damage Suggested revision: warnings about health damage Why it matters: 'Warnings about health damage' expresses the intended meaning naturally.
- 3. Fix passive structure Original: is crystally clear shown Suggested revision: are shown very clearly Why it matters: The plural subject needs 'are', and the adverb phrase must modify 'shown'.
- 4. Add relative marker Original: effects smoking bring Suggested revision: effects that smoking brings Why it matters: The relative clause needs 'that', and its singular subject requires 'brings'.
- 5. Clarify pronoun reference Original: yet it is considered Suggested revision: yet they consider it Why it matters: The revision makes smokers the clear subject and quitting the clear object.
- 6. Use a colon Original: one word- addiction Suggested revision: one word: addiction Why it matters: A colon correctly introduces the word that follows.
- 7. Use participle adjective Original: know Suggested revision: known Why it matters: The fixed adjective phrase requires the past participle 'known'.
- 8. Add article Original: as a result of larger number Suggested revision: as a result of the larger number Why it matters: The comparative count noun phrase requires the definite article here.
- 9. Fix reason clause Original: reasons why this is considered a major threat is because Suggested revision: reasons this is considered a major threat is that Why it matters: Use 'that' after 'the reason is' to avoid the ungrammatical 'reason is because' structure.
- 10. Use accurate verb Original: aberrated Suggested revision: harmed Why it matters: 'Aberrated' is not an appropriate verb for damage to health.
- 11. Make comparison logical Original: unlike a normal person Suggested revision: compared with that of a nonsmoker Why it matters: The revision compares smokers' health with the corresponding health of nonsmokers.
- 12. Remove redundant wording Original: medical treatments for cure Suggested revision: medical treatment Why it matters: 'Medical treatment' already conveys an attempt to cure or manage illness.
Suggested Rewrites
- millions -no billions- millions—no, billions—
- precautions of health damage warnings about health damage
- is crystally clear shown are shown very clearly
- effects smoking bring effects that smoking brings
- yet it is considered yet they consider it
- one word- addiction one word: addiction
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response gives a clear account of several reasons for concern, especially health damage, reduced productivity and treatment costs, and these ideas are generally extended. However, the requested solutions receive only brief, weakly explained attention, while ambitious vocabulary and complex sentences are often inaccurate. The highest priority is to develop two practical interventions, explaining how each would reduce smoking, and then edit recurring grammar and collocation errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed and the concerns are developed with relevant consequences, but the proposed solutions are narrow and insufficiently explained.
Present at least two realistic solutions and explain the mechanism by which each would discourage smoking or help smokers quit.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a generally logical progression through health, economic and social concerns, though the final paragraph combines solutions and conclusion rather abruptly.
Separate the solutions from the conclusion and organize each proposed measure around one clearly developed central idea.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonably wide and ambitious vocabulary range, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices make several statements unnatural or imprecise.
Choose precise, conventional health and policy vocabulary and avoid forcing less familiar words whose meaning or grammatical use is uncertain.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied complex structures, but frequent errors with agreement, articles, prepositions and clause control reduce accuracy.
Edit each complex sentence for a clear subject and finite verb, then check agreement and article use throughout.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Despite health warnings, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world. Why should we be concerned about this? What solutions would you suggest?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.