Despite health warnings, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world. Why should we be concerned about this? What solutions would you suggest?
Sample Response
Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It is sad, yet undeniably true, that millions—no, billions—millions -no billions- of people worldwide continue to smoke although the warnings about health damageprecautions of health damage are shown very clearlyis crystally clear shown on each packet’s cover. Unfortunately, most smokers are completely aware of the hazardous effects that smoking bringseffects smoking bring to their health yet they consider ityet it is considered a ‘mission impossible’ to quit this shameful habit. The answer lies in one word: addictionone word- addiction!
It is well knownknow that the mortality rate is skyrocketing every year as a result of the larger numberas a result of larger number of people smoking. One of the most prominent reasons this is considered a major threat is thatreasons why this is considered a major threat is because the GDP of our country is more likely to decline. In detail, when a person inhales the toxic fumes of a cigarette, fatal substances like nicotine and tar can lead to high blood pressure and lung cancer, respectively. Consequently, physical, mental and behavioral health will be harmedaberrated, compared with that of a nonsmokerunlike a normal person. Sadly, employees and workers will not be as productive as they were.
Moreover, these health problems indeed require medical treatmentmedical treatments for cure which can be very expensivewhich is in most situations very expensive in extreme cases. This amount of money could instead be usedwould have been used in better investments such as clothing and sheltering the poor individuals. Also, smokers have a higher risk of deatha higher chance to face death as cardiovascular diseasethe cardiovascular diseases caused by smoking is a leading cause of deathin the number one death contributor in our country. Not only will this negatively affect a family by facing depression issues, but it will also cause valuable souls with talents needed by society to be lost.
All in all, I believe that the government should lend a helping hand and aid our nation to quit smoking by putting a “no smoking” sign in all the indoor areasregions asaw well as the places which are mostly crowded with people. I have an unwavering faith that inon the long run when hazards of smoking begin to arise in a body, smokers will realize how much damage they did to themselvestheir selves which will make them raise awareness to their children and grandchildren when growing up to never start smokingsmokin
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response gives a clear account of several reasons for concern, especially health damage, reduced productivity and treatment costs, and these ideas are generally extended. However, the requested solutions receive only brief, weakly explained attention, while ambitious vocabulary and complex sentences are often inaccurate. The highest priority is to develop two practical interventions, explaining how each would reduce smoking, and then edit recurring grammar and collocation errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed and the concerns are developed with relevant consequences, but the proposed solutions are narrow and insufficiently explained.
Present at least two realistic solutions and explain the mechanism by which each would discourage smoking or help smokers quit.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a generally logical progression through health, economic and social concerns, though the final paragraph combines solutions and conclusion rather abruptly.
Separate the solutions from the conclusion and organize each proposed measure around one clearly developed central idea.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonably wide and ambitious vocabulary range, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices make several statements unnatural or imprecise.
Choose precise, conventional health and policy vocabulary and avoid forcing less familiar words whose meaning or grammatical use is uncertain.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied complex structures, but frequent errors with agreement, articles, prepositions and clause control reduce accuracy.
Edit each complex sentence for a clear subject and finite verb, then check agreement and article use throughout.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Despite health warnings, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world. Why should we be concerned about this? What solutions would you suggest?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.