Even though globalization affects the world's economies in a very positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. What is your view? Discuss.
Sample Response
However globalization promotes worldwide economies positively, the governments should be paid attention to its negative aspects. While it is argued that globalization causes detrimental results, I believe that it produces great breakthroughs though authorities should take care about harmful outcomes of globalizing.
Globalization has a beneficial influence on our lives. Globalization develops local economies. So, it helps nations to decline an unemployment rate and raise economic growth. Furthermore, globalized economy advances technology. For example, when a multinational company establishes a factory in a developing country, the new equipment, the new management skills and job vacancies are all in the best interest of the local society. Moreover, globalization has transformed the world into global village. As a result, people all over the world can communicate together easier than the past by internet and satellite TV.
On the other hand, nobody can deny the devastating consequences of globalization. One of the crucial sides is a cultural shock. Worldwide networks and televisions have severely affected young people. These facilities have escalated cultural differences and generation gaps. For instance, when young aged persons watch popular superstars like singers, actors, actresses etc., on satellite channels. They imitate their behaviours, clothes, etc., that it leads to misbehaviours among adolescents. In addition, another critical impact of globalizing is the danger of epidemic diseases which can easily spread because of faster transportation and increase in the number of tourists. This statement is proved in the recent bird's flu disease which has infected most Asian countries over a short period of time.
In conclusion, although globalization has sparked a heated debate in recent decades whether it is a blessing or a curse, I believe that globalization is playing an increasingly useful role in today's communities but we should not ignore destructive side effects of globalization. As a matter of fact, impoverished nations should provide required infrastructures and benchmark successful developing countries such as Brazil and China in order to decrease the disadvantages of globalization.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise wording Original: great breakthroughs Suggested revision: major benefits Why it matters: Benefits more directly describes the positive economic and social outcomes discussed.
- 2. Fix verb phrase Original: take care about Suggested revision: guard against Why it matters: Guard against is the appropriate expression for addressing harmful outcomes.
- 3. Use transitive verb Original: decline an unemployment rate Suggested revision: reduce the unemployment rate Why it matters: Reduce can take the rate as its object, whereas decline cannot here.
- 4. Add missing article Original: globalized economy Suggested revision: a globalized economy Why it matters: The singular count noun economy requires an article.
- 5. Add missing article Original: into global village Suggested revision: into a global village Why it matters: The singular count noun village requires an article.
- 6. Remove redundancy Original: communicate together Suggested revision: communicate Why it matters: Together is redundant because communicate already implies interaction.
- 7. Correct comparison Original: easier than the past Suggested revision: more easily than in the past Why it matters: The verb communicate needs an adverb, and the comparison requires in.
- 8. Add article and preposition Original: by internet Suggested revision: via the internet Why it matters: The fixed expression requires the internet and is more naturally introduced by via.
- 9. Use accurate noun Original: crucial sides Suggested revision: major effects Why it matters: Effects accurately names the consequences being discussed.
- 10. Use standard term Original: a cultural shock Suggested revision: culture shock Why it matters: Culture shock is the standard uncountable expression.
- 11. Clarify media reference Original: networks and televisions Suggested revision: television networks Why it matters: Television networks is the natural term for the media organisations intended.
- 12. Use natural collocation Original: escalated Suggested revision: widened Why it matters: Widened collocates more naturally with differences.
Suggested Rewrites
- great breakthroughs major benefits
- take care about guard against
- decline an unemployment rate reduce the unemployment rate
- globalized economy a globalized economy
- into global village into a global village
- communicate together communicate
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response offers a clear, balanced discussion and sustains the view that globalisation is beneficial overall despite serious risks, using relevant examples for both sides. Its main limitation is persistent imprecision in phrasing and sentence construction, with several awkward collocations and a fragment disrupting fluency; the highest-priority improvement is to revise sentences for natural word combinations and complete grammatical structures while developing the final recommendation more directly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response presents a clear view, examines both benefits and drawbacks, and supports the main points with relevant examples.
Connect the concluding recommendation about infrastructure more explicitly to the disadvantages analysed in the body.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and logical sequencing make the argument easy to follow, although some repetition and one fragment interrupt local flow.
Reduce repeated references to globalisation and integrate examples into complete sentences for smoother progression.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a broad topic vocabulary, but recurring awkward collocations and imprecise word choices limit naturalness.
Use more accurate combinations for economic change, communication, cultural effects, and disease transmission.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex sentences and remains generally clear, but errors in clauses, articles, comparison forms, and agreement recur.
Eliminate sentence fragments and check clause boundaries, articles, and comparative structures during proofreading.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Even though globalization affects the world's economies in a very positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. What is your view? Discuss.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.