Even though globalization affects the world's economies in a very positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. What is your view? Discuss.
Sample Response
Mixed opinions exist among people in relation to how globalisation influences the economies of the world. Some argue that it is evident that globalisation has brought dramatic economic growths and more employment opportunities around the world, particularly in the developing countries. However, there are criticisms raised to remind people of negative impacts that are caused by globalisation.
Economy and employment have been thriving in some developing countries for the last 30 years since globalisation first formed its concept. Countries, such as China, India, and South Africa, which had once struggled with economic developments, are largely affected when most giant international corporations moved to nations where tax rates are lower and labour rates are cheaper. This particular wave has created enormous new businesses in less developed countries. Therefore, both economics and employments have been promoted significantly by globalisation.
However, some economists and sociologists believe that globalisation has not created jobs globally; rather, it simply shifted employment opportunities from developed countries to developing countries. As a result, when China is experiencing high job growth, The United States, on the other hand, is suffering from the high unemployment rate. They also claim that globalisation encourages dependency on other countries so that if one country’s economy collapses, it is very likely that other countries’ economies will be damaged as well. The 2008 global economic crisis had well demonstrated how this dependent relationship worked very negatively among countries during the crisis.
In conclusion, globalisation plays a major role in pushing economic and employment developments forward in developing countries; however, evidence has suggested that it has negative impacts on industrialised countries in terms of economic and labour market growths. Moreover, the unhealthy dependence among countries is another concern in relation to globalisation.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise opening Original: Mixed opinions exist among people in relation to Suggested revision: People hold mixed opinions about Why it matters: The replacement states the contrast in views more directly and naturally.
- 2. Use uncountable growth Original: growths Suggested revision: growth Why it matters: Growth is uncountable when referring generally to economic expansion.
- 3. Remove generic article Original: in the developing countries Suggested revision: in developing countries Why it matters: The generic plural phrase developing countries does not take the definite article.
- 4. Use active phrasing Original: there are criticisms raised Suggested revision: critics have raised concerns Why it matters: The active construction identifies people expressing concern and uses a natural collocation.
- 5. Remove wordiness Original: negative impacts that are caused by globalisation Suggested revision: negative impacts caused by globalisation Why it matters: The reduced clause conveys the same meaning more concisely.
- 6. Add definite article Original: Economy and employment Suggested revision: The economy and employment Why it matters: Economy needs the definite article when referring to the economy of the countries discussed.
- 7. Fix overlapping time markers Original: for the last 30 years since Suggested revision: for the 30 years since Why it matters: Using both last and since creates an awkward overlap in the time reference.
- 8. Use natural development phrase Original: globalisation first formed its concept Suggested revision: globalisation first took hold Why it matters: Took hold naturally describes when globalisation began to exert influence.
- 9. Remove incorrect comma Original: Countries, such as China Suggested revision: Countries such as China Why it matters: No comma should separate a noun from an essential such as phrase.
- 10. Use uncountable development Original: developments Suggested revision: development Why it matters: Development is uncountable when referring generally to economic progress.
- 11. Match past event Original: are largely affected when Suggested revision: were significantly affected when Why it matters: The move by corporations occurred in the past, so the main verb must also be past.
- 12. Use natural quantity phrase Original: most giant international corporations Suggested revision: many large international corporations Why it matters: Many large corporations is the natural way to describe a substantial number of major companies.
Suggested Rewrites
- Mixed opinions exist among people in relation to People hold mixed opinions about
- growths growth
- in the developing countries in developing countries
- there are criticisms raised critics have raised concerns
- negative impacts that are caused by globalisation negative impacts caused by globalisation
- Economy and employment The economy and employment
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a balanced, well-developed assessment of globalisation, explaining job creation in developing economies alongside employment displacement and international financial dependency. Its argument progresses clearly and uses a relevant real-world example, while the main limitation is recurring imprecision in collocations, plural forms, and tense choices. The highest priority is to preserve the strong analysis while editing economic terminology and grammatical forms for consistently natural academic expression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly examines positive and negative economic effects and supports its balanced view with relevant explanation and a specific crisis example.
State the writer's final judgement more explicitly by indicating whether the benefits outweigh the risks or require particular safeguards.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically sequenced in focused paragraphs, and contrast, cause, and example links are managed effectively throughout.
Tighten the opening and conclusion so the central evaluative position is signalled as clearly as the progression between body paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
A good range of economic vocabulary conveys complex relationships, though several unnatural collocations and unnecessary plurals reduce precision.
Use economic growth, economic development, employment, labour costs, and multinational corporations consistently as standard academic terms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses varied complex structures with generally good control, but article, tense, agreement, and noun-number errors remain noticeable.
Edit tense sequences and countability, especially since globalisation emerged, economies have grown, employment has increased, and the crisis demonstrated.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Even though globalization affects the world's economies in a very positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. What is your view? Discuss.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.