Men do most of the high-level jobs. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? What is your opinion on that?
Same question Compare all 3 answers See different approaches and band scores for this IELTS task.Sample Response
The rapid industrialization throughout the 21st century resulted in the start up of multinational companies across the globe. The statistics reported by the Financial Times in September 2015 claims that 90 percent of the top level positions are occupied by men on an average across all companies. Although, I believe that women must be prepared to take over higher positions, I refute that some proportion of top level jobs to be reserved for women. Firstly, a company can expect a catastrophic failure in if any top level decision goes astray, especially if the decision involves multi-billion dollars. For instance, a big finance firm named ABC based in Germany went bankrupt in the second quarter of 2014 due to a wrong decision by its president, who was promoted to the top position based on reservation. Moreover, the board of directors need to scrutinise the top posts with extreme care based on his or her merits, irrespective of gender. Therefore, it is obvious that the top positions should not fall under the reservation policy. Secondly, ignoring an efficient person to fill in a new position leads to discrimination and engenders the lack of motivation among the employees. For example, if a person is simply promoted to the top post, leaving behind the capable colleagues, there are high chances that the colleagues, who think the decision is not fair, will not work efficiently to their calibre. As a result, it is the organisation which loses the productivity. Thus, the top positions should never be reserved based on gender or any category In conclusion, by analysing how reservation can lead to poor decision making as well as decrease productivity, reservation should not be in place for top posts. Governments should ensure that they give enough focus to empower women and head positions should be filled in based on merit irrespective of anything.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use continuing-period tense Original: throughout the 21st century resulted Suggested revision: during the 21st century has resulted Why it matters: The century is ongoing, so the present perfect connects the development to the present.
- 2. Join startup noun Original: start up Suggested revision: startup Why it matters: The noun “startup” is written as one word.
- 3. Fix subject-verb agreement Original: claims that Suggested revision: claim that Why it matters: The plural subject “statistics” requires the plural verb “claim.”
- 4. Correct average phrase Original: on an average Suggested revision: on average Why it matters: The fixed adverbial expression does not take an article.
- 5. Remove conjunction comma Original: Although, Suggested revision: Although Why it matters: A comma should not follow “although” before its subordinate clause.
- 6. Repair proposal clause Original: I refute that some proportion of top level jobs to be reserved Suggested revision: I reject the proposal that a proportion of top-level jobs should be reserved Why it matters: The revision supplies a complete content clause and the correct passive modal structure.
- 7. Remove extra preposition Original: failure in if Suggested revision: failure if Why it matters: The conditional conjunction “if” follows the noun directly without “in.”
- 8. Correct monetary expression Original: involves multi-billion dollars Suggested revision: involves billions of dollars Why it matters: A monetary amount is expressed as “billions of dollars,” not “multi-billion dollars.”
- 9. Use formal company phrase Original: a big finance firm Suggested revision: a large financial firm Why it matters: “Large financial firm” is the natural formal expression.
- 10. Clarify quota policy Original: based on reservation Suggested revision: under a quota policy Why it matters: The revision names the policy mechanism clearly and uses the correct preposition.
- 11. Name candidates as object Original: scrutinise the top posts Suggested revision: assess candidates for the top posts Why it matters: A board assesses candidates rather than scrutinising positions themselves.
- 12. Fix plural merit reference Original: based on his or her merits Suggested revision: based on the candidates' merits Why it matters: The plural possessive clearly links merit to the candidates being assessed.
Suggested Rewrites
- throughout the 21st century resulted during the 21st century has resulted
- start up startup
- claims that claim that
- on an average on average
- Although, Although
- I refute that some proportion of top level jobs to be reserved I reject the proposal that a proportion of top-level jobs should be reserved
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is strongest in its clear opposition to reserved senior positions and its logical focus on merit, decision quality, and employee motivation. Its main limitation is that it assumes quotas necessarily promote less-qualified candidates, without considering why reservations might address structural barriers, and the single-paragraph format weakens organisation. The highest-priority improvement is to engage with the strongest argument for representation, then explain how merit-based alternatives could expand women’s access without fixed quotas.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response maintains a clear position and develops two relevant reasons, but its argument rests on an insufficiently examined assumption about the qualifications of quota beneficiaries.
Acknowledge the case for correcting structural inequality and compare quotas with alternatives such as transparent promotion criteria, mentoring, and leadership development.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasoning progresses from decision-making risk to employee motivation and a conclusion, but the lack of paragraph breaks and some abrupt connections weaken readability.
Separate the introduction, two main arguments, and conclusion into distinct paragraphs and link each example directly to its claim.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a fairly broad range of workplace and policy vocabulary, though several collocations and expressions are inaccurate or unnatural.
Refine phrases such as “refute that jobs be reserved,” “multi-billion dollars,” and “work efficiently to their calibre” into standard academic English.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is used, but recurring errors in agreement, articles, punctuation, prepositions, and clause construction reduce accuracy.
Check subject-verb agreement and sentence boundaries, and remove unnecessary commas after subordinating words such as “although.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Men do most of the high-level jobs. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? What is your opinion on that?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.