Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
(Disagree) Some people contend that there are many pressing concerns that a country must resolve before putting emphasis on the arts. However, I personally think that arts are an essential part of a culture, and it is quite fair to allocate funds to preserve and develop arts. Admittedly, there are some justifications by people who oppose spending on promoting arts. First of all, most art projects are expensive with no obvious outcomes that have direct relations to a nation’s income. For example, the monument of Kebangkitan Pahlawan in Malang city that adsorbed almost 1 billion rupiahs does not attract people that much. Besides, art is not a critical aspect of the sustainability of human’s life. Human’s life will not disappear just because they have less taste of aesthetics. However, I still support that the government should allocate a budget for the arts. Arts are part of a culture and over time become the identity of a nation, eventually, arts could be a major source of income for them. For instance, Bali is an island in Indonesia, where millions of visitors come each year to experience the combination of conventional values and modern lifestyles. The government in Indonesia invests more than a third of its budget to maintain its traditional arts. Furthermore, art makes a life worth living. Like food, art is a supplement for the human soul. It has a magnificent power to aid buildings, roads, parks, and everything, with its uniqueness. Just imagine how empty a room would be if there is no painting or decoration on the wall! Art is enhancing people’s life by leveraging their experiences and empowering people to possess beautiful imaginations. To conclude, supporting arts is important for a government as it would enhance the quality of life either by improving the tourism industry or by providing a better artistic facility.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove the planning label Original: (Disagree) Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The stance label is drafting notation rather than part of the essay.
- 2. Use art as uncountable Original: arts are an essential part of a culture Suggested revision: art is an essential part of culture Why it matters: Art and culture are used as uncountable nouns in this general statement.
- 3. Use precise evaluative wording Original: it is quite fair Suggested revision: it is reasonable Why it matters: Reasonable expresses the judgment more directly and academically.
- 4. Add the definite article Original: develop arts Suggested revision: develop the arts Why it matters: The arts requires the definite article when referring to the cultural field.
- 5. Use the argument collocation Original: justifications by people Suggested revision: arguments from people Why it matters: Arguments from people is the natural phrase for reasons advanced by opponents.
- 6. Simplify the spending phrase Original: promoting Suggested revision: the Why it matters: The revision removes awkward stacked gerunds and names the funded field directly.
- 7. Correct the clause connection Original: expensive with no obvious outcomes Suggested revision: expensive and produce no obvious outcomes Why it matters: The conjunction and verb create a grammatical predicate for both claims.
- 8. Use the standard relationship phrase Original: direct relations to Suggested revision: a direct relationship with Why it matters: A direct relationship with is the natural collocation.
- 9. Express survival concisely Original: a critical aspect of the sustainability of human’s life Suggested revision: essential to human survival Why it matters: The revision conveys the intended survival claim clearly and without awkward possession.
- 10. Remove incorrect possession Original: Human’s Suggested revision: Human Why it matters: Human functions as an adjective here and does not take a possessive form.
- 11. Use natural art wording Original: less taste of aesthetics Suggested revision: less exposure to art Why it matters: Exposure to art is the natural expression for reduced contact with aesthetic experiences.
- 12. Correct the support structure Original: support that the government should Suggested revision: support the view that the government should Why it matters: Support cannot directly take a that-clause in this structure without a noun such as view.
Suggested Rewrites
- (Disagree) Delete
- arts are an essential part of a culture art is an essential part of culture
- it is quite fair it is reasonable
- develop arts develop the arts
- justifications by people arguments from people
- promoting the
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay maintains a clear disagreement position, acknowledges the competing spending argument, and develops relevant benefits through cultural identity, tourism income, and quality of life. Its strongest feature is the attempt to support both sides with concrete Indonesian examples. The main limitation is that one unbroken paragraph and frequent awkward language obscure the argument; the priority is to structure opposing and supporting reasons separately and qualify unsupported numerical claims.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is consistent and several relevant reasons are developed, though some examples and claims are insufficiently substantiated or precisely linked to public spending.
Explain how a defined level of arts funding produces measurable cultural, tourism, or community benefits and avoid unsupported budget figures.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall concession-to-rebuttal progression is recognisable, but the absence of paragraphing and several run-on transitions weaken clarity.
Use an introduction, one paragraph for competing priorities, one for cultural and economic benefits, one for quality of life, and a concise conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The response shows range in discussing culture, public finance, tourism, and aesthetics, but frequent inaccurate collocations reduce precision.
Replace phrases such as 'adsorbed money', 'sustainability of human's life', and 'aid buildings with uniqueness' with clear academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted throughout, but frequent agreement, article, punctuation, possessive, and sentence-boundary errors reduce control.
Break long sentences apart and correct patterns such as 'art is part of culture', 'people's lives', and 'either by supporting tourism or by improving public spaces'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.