Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
How to allocate fairly government’s budget for a variety of social demands from health care, infrastructure to other mental ones such as arts remains controversial. Some people insist on that that money should be earmarked more for public services and less for the arts, while others believe each area should receive an inequitable amount of spending for its unique value contributed to social development. I partly agree with the latter view for the following reasons.
Admittedly, public services are not of immediate benefit for the entire society. The issues of health care, education, and infrastructure are always top concerns of any government that wants to recruit high-skilled labour, a strong workforce, and modern facilities. Some countries still struggling with abject misery after wars, a large amount of spending for music and painting proves infeasible.
However, the need for arts is rising these days for their long-term worth, especially during the time the country is beyond the peak of economic development and gears itself towards sustainable growth. With music, painting and other kinds of arts gaining their popularity, people’s spiritual life is continuously enriched. Such cities say, Florence, Paris, and Madrid are always unforgettable destinations of millions of visitors for their spectacular artistic creations and lure them into a different world where people are away from worries and let their creativity take off. These cities are also homes to various well-known art geniuses from Picasso, Leona DeVinci to Gaudi, who led art revolutions, partly by dint of their governments’ greater appreciation of this field and bigger expenditure on it. America and Britain are, too, other examples of nations where the music industry overwhelms other key ones for their greatest generation of profit. This is again derived from their governments’ frequent organization of musical shows and festivals to attract audiences worldwide.
Sure, investing in public services is going to improve the infrastructure; however, investments in the arts and traditions will simply helps us improve the economy and GDP.
In a word, governments should pay more attention to key sectors when their nations are in the embryonic stage of growth, but once they escape the life of poverty, arts should have a bigger say for their mental, educational and economic merits.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix verb pattern Original: insist on that that Suggested revision: insist that Why it matters: 'Insist' takes a that-clause directly, so the preposition and duplicated 'that' must be removed.
- 2. Correct meaning Original: an inequitable amount of spending Suggested revision: an appropriate amount of funding Why it matters: 'Inequitable' means unfair and conflicts with the intended idea of allocating funds according to value.
- 3. Repair noun phrase Original: for its unique value contributed to social development Suggested revision: according to its unique contribution to social development Why it matters: The replacement correctly links the allocation to each area's contribution.
- 4. Add clause framework Original: Some countries still struggling with abject misery after wars, Suggested revision: In countries still struggling with abject poverty after wars, Why it matters: The prepositional opening gives the sentence a grammatical link to its main clause.
- 5. Clarify reference Original: for their long-term worth Suggested revision: because of its long-term value Why it matters: The singular pronoun agrees with the singular concept 'the need for the arts' and clearly marks the reason.
- 6. Clarify development stage Original: during the time the country is beyond the peak of economic development Suggested revision: when a country has passed the peak of economic development Why it matters: The revised clause expresses the timing relationship in natural English.
- 7. Remove wrong possessive Original: gaining their popularity Suggested revision: gaining popularity Why it matters: 'Popularity' is used without a possessive determiner in this expression.
- 8. Match plural reference Original: people’s spiritual life Suggested revision: people's spiritual lives Why it matters: The plural noun agrees with the plural possessive reference to people.
- 9. Introduce examples naturally Original: Such cities say Suggested revision: Cities such as Why it matters: 'Such as' correctly introduces the listed examples.
- 10. Correct preposition Original: of Suggested revision: for Why it matters: A place is a destination for visitors, not a destination of visitors.
- 11. Clarify object reference Original: and lure them Suggested revision: and these cities lure visitors Why it matters: Naming both the subject and object removes the unclear pronoun reference.
- 12. Use singular idiom Original: homes Suggested revision: home Why it matters: The fixed expression is 'be home to', even when the subject is plural.
Suggested Rewrites
- insist on that that insist that
- an inequitable amount of spending an appropriate amount of funding
- for its unique value contributed to social development according to its unique contribution to social development
- Some countries still struggling with abject misery after wars, In countries still struggling with abject poverty after wars,
- for their long-term worth because of its long-term value
- during the time the country is beyond the peak of economic development when a country has passed the peak of economic development
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response establishes a clear conditional position and offers a substantial range of examples for the social and economic value of the arts. Its impact is weakened by some logically inconsistent claims and frequent imprecise or unidiomatic language, especially in ambitious long sentences. Prioritize simplifying the argument, checking that each claim supports the stated position, and using more dependable collocations to improve clarity and persuasiveness.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the issue and presents a clear conditional view, but several supporting claims are insufficiently explained or logically inconsistent.
Develop a direct comparison of spending priorities and ensure every example clearly demonstrates why arts funding is justified.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall introduction-body-conclusion progression is clear, though overlong sentences and a repetitive single-sentence paragraph weaken the flow.
Organize each body paragraph around one controlling idea and remove or integrate points that merely restate earlier claims.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a wide vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices such as 'mental ones,' 'inequitable amount,' and 'overwhelms' reduce precision.
Prefer accurate, natural academic vocabulary and check the meaning and typical usage of ambitious words before using them.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a useful range of complex sentence forms, but recurring errors in articles, agreement, clause construction, and verb forms sometimes strain clarity.
Shorten complex sentences and proofread clause boundaries and subject-verb agreement, including errors such as 'will simply helps.'
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.